Okay - so it's actually day 3, but I will get to that in a minute. Here it goes kids... I made this blog because I need my girls. I need your support and your love, and your famous abilities to kick my ass when I need it. And since I don't live two blocks from the watering hole anymore, I thought you gals could kick my ass via the Internet. I am trying to exercise every day, eat healthy (okay - eat better than I have been)and lose this weight you guys constantly hear me complaining about. I know you all think I am beautiful the way I am and blah freaking blah (I love you...)but you don't know how I feel. I am doing this because you guys are my true friends, and I know I can be honest with you.
I have struggled with my weight my whole life. I have always had a bad body image of myself. I hate that I can't run anymore - because I get too tired too fast. I hate that I get tired after playing in the yard for five minutes with the kids and the dog. I hate that I can't pick out a sexy bra and panty set to wear for Matt because they don't make them in my size. I am tired of crying in the dressing room. I hate that I don't want to go out, even with my girls, because I am jealous of how you guys look. You are all so skinny, and can wear clothes that are in style while my fat ass is trying to find something cute in the plus sized section at walmart. I could probably do the same shopping in the tent aisle at Dicks. I cried the last time I saw my mom, because I was wearing the same shirt as her. I am dressing like a 63 year old woman to try to hide myself. I want to take the kids to go swimming, and actually swim with them because I am not afraid to be seen in a bathing suit. I want to lay out by the pool with my girls, and have some drinks, and not be the only one in a one piece, and still have ROLLS hanging out everywhere. I am tired of people asking me how far along I am when I am most certainly not pregnant. I know I make jokes and laugh at my self, but I am constantly aware of how I am sitting, how I am standing. I see that when you guys stand up, you don't have the muffin top hanging over your jeans like I do. I try to stand in the back of the group when we all take pictures together so I can hide behind you all. My dad has had two heart attacks, and heart disease runs severely in my Dad's side of the family. Of the Seven Top Risk Factors for Heart Disease, I currently have 6. This is not just me being self conscious anymore. I am scared. I want to live a long long life with Matt. I want grand babies. I want to see my nieces and nephews have kids. I don't want to have heart attacks and have some doctor threaten me, that if I don't do something, I am going to die. I bitch to Matt all the time about this. And he tells me the same things you guys do. That he loves me, and he thinks I am beautiful, and if I say it again, he is going to smack me. But lately, he has just gotten to the point where he says "then do something about it!" But even that did not push me over the edge.
The other day I was getting ready for work, and only had one pair of jeans clean; My fat jeans. So I put them on and they felt a little tight, but I had just gotten them out of the dryer, so I thought they would loosen up during the day. I was wrong. They were so tight that when I sat down, they actually hurt my stomach. By the end of the day, they had left red marks and welts in my skin. I cried and cried in the bathroom. But, I was too embarrassed to tell anyone. That was what did it for me. I was depressed for days, but on Saturday night while I was cleaning, I found my old Turbo Jam stuff in my closet. You guys remember the infomercial for that? Well I got it all out and started working out on Sunday. I know it's only Tuesday, but I feel better. On Sunday, I worked out in the morning, and actually did stuff all day. And last night, I was so tired when I got home, but I made myself do it, and I felt better afterwards. Now Dana is coming over tonight to do it with me. Today I got on the website for Turbo Jam. They have chat rooms, and blogs, and message boards, and all that other crap, but I don't feel comfortable with that. So I thought I could enlist the help of my Twinkies (my girls, not those yummy treats with the cream in the middle. I have to stay AWAY from those.)
So, you obviously got my email on facebook, and that's why you are here. What I want to do is try to post here several times a week, and let you guys know how I am doing, so you can help me get my FAT ASS in gear. Remember before when I mentioned how much I trust you guys. Well here is where the trust comes in. I am going to tell you guys all of my stats, and even take a before picture. Hopefully, there will be an after picture. :O)
The ideal body weight for a large-framed female of my height (5'10) is between 129 and 173 pounds. Anyone who thinks I will make it to 129 lbs, you have lost your ever-lovin mind. Ugh. I think I would look sick at that weight. They, meaning the experts, say that even at 170, I would be borderline over weight. I however have set my goal at 180 pounds. I remember what I looked like at that weight. I have seen pictures of myself at that weight. And I was comfortable in my own skin at that weight. So that's where I want to go. Now, even getting to 180 lbs is going to be a feat. That's a sixty-two pound weight loss for me. That's right ladies I am 62 lbs away from my goal - which, puts me at (I literally just took a deep breath knowing I was about to type this number...) 242 pounds.
That is about 68 pounds of PURE FAT on my body. 28% of my entire body weight is PURE FAT. OMG. I think I just threw up in my mouth. Gross.
So. I need you. I need you to love me, and call me a fatty, and tell me I am lazy on the days that I have not worked out. I need to stop drinking shots. No more double decker turkey clubs with fries at Strass. And I can't do it alone. I have tried, and I weigh 242 fucking pounds. I NEED YOU. Tell me to put the fries down. Tell me to quit complaining and go take a walk. I need tough love. But love most importantly.
So here are the vitals.
Weight: 242
Height: 5'10
Chest: 46.5
Waist: 46
Hips: 49
Thighs: 25.5
Arms: 13
The picture will come later tonight or tomorrow, hopefully.
Here we go... Love you girls!
No comments:
Post a Comment