Random.

I have a few thoughts in my head today that I need to get down on paper.  Which means this will probably turn into a novel.  But who cares, right?  I’m the only damn person that reads this anyway!

 I’m back.  Well – I feel like I’m back, anyway.  I am all over the good for you food, staying away from the junk, completed my detox, and headed to the gym tonight.  I don’t really have the cravings for the bad stuff anymore – which the detox helps with.  The lack of caffeine headaches have stopped, and I have been drinking a ton of water – more than my daily “have-to” amount. 

I am trying to do everything I can to stay focused.  I have committed to weighing in twice a week – on Mondays for me, my blog, and my promise to myself, and on Wednesdays for the Biggest Loser Competition at work.  I have been trying to build a better, stronger support system.  I have reached out to friends for help when I am going to need it.  HoJ and I made a deal.  Krista I can always call.  My Mama-bear as always.  But I also surprised myself.  I reached out to my friends on MFP, and asked that they send me some more supportive people.  I got several new “friends” that have been awesome.  But one “old” friend has been awesome!  Her name is Christy – and I *really* admire her. 

 Christy and I became friends when both of us began C25k at the same time.  She graduated, while I, most sadly, did not.  She has run in a 5k what seems like every weekend since then.  She does two-a-days like it’s her job, has met her goal weight, and looks like a rock star.  Not to mention the lifelong hurdles she jumped to get to that point – which is her business, so I won’t say it here.  She checks on me, encourages me, pats me on the back, and sends me inspirational quotes and pictures.  She’s seriously freaking awesome.  I just wish she lived closer, so I could work out with her. 

I seriously need a workout buddy.  L

Then there’s Matt.  He has told me every single day how proud he is of me.  That I’m doing a good job.  To keep it up.  He asked me last night how much I had lost, that he could really tell.  Which of course, is impossible, since it’s only been a few days.  But even though my head knows it’s impossible – it worked.  Because I want more compliments, and I want them to be real, and genuine.  Then today, I was telling him I was nervous about getting the kids back tonight.  The only reason being that I run around like a crazy person when the kids are home being a mom – and “me” time at the gym just does not happen.  He promised me that he was going to cook dinner each night, help with homework, and laundry, and would even chauffer me to and from the gym to make sure I get to go. 

Then – I took a HUGE, and I mean HUGE leap.  I started contacting photographers and getting prices.  I found one, and she has sent me the contract.  I told her that I was still losing weight, and that I didn’t want to do the shoot until July.  She told me when I settle on a date I want, to just let her know.  The next step is giving her the NON REFUNDABLE retainer – which should be a HUGE motivation to get this done.  I am so excited.  And so terrified.  And nervous.  GAH!!!! 

Now the only downside – My Mom gave me some advice that has really, really confused me.  My Mom is my #2 (behind Matt) supporter.  But as I was telling her about altering my dress, and my goals and working out and all that, she said something that has stuck in my head.  She said that she was afraid my goals were too out of reach.  That I might not get there, and that I will beat myself up if I don’t.  And as adamant as I was with her that I could do it, and it’s not that out of reach, she has me second guessing myself.    And I don’t like that.  I try not to think about it, but every once in a while, that voice creeps in my head…  “It’s nevvvvvvvver gonna happen…”

The only way I can think of to make that voice go away is to work out.