Lent, weddings, and rewards!

Yesterday, one of my favorite Valentines called me -my lil' Heather Jo. She is my oldest and best friend, and she lives 600 miles away in Wisconsin. We have both struggled with our weight/body image our entire lives. And now she is stressing about losing weight for the same reason I am, my wedding in the fall.

I told her that I have really been struggling lately. The numbers on the scale aren't moving like I want them too. The tape measure isn't changing either. I haven't been to the gym in over a week - and I have NO motivation to go. Everyday, I plan for it. And then I get home and the couch and sweats seem like a much better idea.

From experience, on days like this, I know that if I just get up and go, I will feel better after my workout is over, but I have not been able to get over that hump. I have chosen the couch every night this week.

She has been the exact opposite. She busts her ass at the gym for an hour every single day, but derails herself by hitting a fast food place on the way home. Those of you from Wisconsin will understand this - but cheese curds are her nemisiss, and her favorite.

We are both emotional and stress eaters. And we both have fallen victim to that lately. So we decided yesterday that we were going to be each other's support system. Anytime we feel like binging, we have to pick up the phone, call the other, and get permission first. Because sometimes, a bowl of icecream really *is* the only solution. ;)

Since I gave up Facebook for Lent, this will just be another reason for her and I to talk more frequently, and to support each other. She told me that she had given up bread and pasta for Lent. I immediately wondered why the hell I had not thought of that. I LOVE me some carbs. Pasta is just about my favorite food in the world. I could eat it every night of the week. So I told her that I would give it up with her. So, for the next 38 days, NO Facebook, NO pasta, NO bread. THIS should be interesting.

Last night I decided to pull some motiviation out of the abyss. I went back on my blog (A Fat Girl Walks into a Bar...) and looked at the posts from this time last year, and I found what really kickstarted me. I did a 3 day detox call the Fruit Flush. I don't know WHY it motivated me the way it did, but it did. And I need that feeling back. I need that sense of accomplishment. Maybe my body is just riddled with all the junk I have put in it over the last few months, and I need to get it out. I felt amazing when those 3 days were over. And on day 4, I hit the gym. Hard. And I didn't give up.

So I'm doing it. Again. Starting tomorrow, I am doing the Fruit Flush again. Day one is protein shakes all day, then days two and three are fruit all day. Okay - so it's a lot more complicated than that, but that's the easy explaination. By Tuesday of next week, I will be able to start working out.

I want this now more than ever. I am doing this for my wedding. I know that on that particular day, no matter my size, I will feel beautiful. But - I want to feel beautiful when I look at the pictures a year after. I want to prove to myself that I can do this. I want to shove it in everyones face that said I couldn't. Or say that I can't.

And then I figured out the most awesome present to myself. IF I meet my July 15th goal (6 weeks before my wedding) of 175 pounds, I am going to reward myself with a full day of pampering - including a boudoir photo shoot!!! For those of you that don't know, boudoir photography is pretty much candid and posed photographs of the subject partly clothed or in lingerie. Some of the photos are implied nudity, but not acutal nudity. It is very classy, very sensual, and something I've thought about for a LONG time. What better what to show off my new, sexy, confident self, than by doing an intimate photo shoot? Completely glam hair and makeup, and pictures, outfits and poses that are meant to make me look my absolute best. Then, I can have the pictures made into a book, and give it to my husband on our wedding day with a note that simply says - "for your eyes only..." EEK!

So that's it. It's GAME. FUCKING. ON. And I need every damn last one of you to bust my ass if you see me falling off the wagon. I am going to push like I never have before. It is time to focus and get on point. No excuses.