Today's the Day.

Today was weigh in day for Week 5 of the biggest loser competition at work.  I am in LAST place.  In 5 weeks, I have lost 1.8 pounds. 

 

Insert reality check. 

 

Number one, this is BULLSHIT.  It's bullshit that I am in last place.  It's bullshit that I have only lost 1.8 pounds 5 weeks.  These bitches (no offense) basically have a 5 week head start.  And it's not even about the competition, because the only real competition I have is myself.  I am better than this.  I have DONE better than THIS.  I started this more than 5 weeks ago, and for me this is more than a damn $120.00 jackpot.  This is my life.  MY self worth.  MY confidence.  MY health. 

 

Number two, I am the reason these goals have not been met yet.  I make excuses, for and to myself - and THAT shit stops right here.  Right fucking now.  When I started in August, I was the model of determination.  I set goals, I met them.  I said I was going to do something, I did it.  And then in December - I just quit.  I used Debbie's death as an excuse to go back to the laziness, and the fat, and the self loathing.  And it worked.  I put back on almost 20 pounds that I had lost.  Yes - since December 16th, in just 59 days, I have put on 20 pounds.  Are you fucking kidding me?!?!  And I knew it was happening.  I knew that I should have gotten back to eating right, and working out.  But - I looked at the number on the scale, and saw it creeping back up - and that was it.  Poor me.  I can't lose weight no matter what I do. 

 

Yes the FUCK you can FATTY.  You were doing it 6 months ago.  And it was working.  I am the ONLY person holding me back.  Everyone else believes in me.  I am the only one that doubts what I can accomplish.  Stop the stress and feeling eating.  Stop making excuses.  Get off the damn couch, put down the Doritos and M&Ms and do some push ups.  Do some jumping jacks.  Take a walk, a jog, a flat out sprint.  Jump rope.  30 day shred.  Do ANYTHING except lie to yourself and say you can't.  Or you don't have time.  Or you will tomorrow.  They are ALL LIES.  Today is the day.  Now is the time.  Wake up.  Get up.  Show up.  Or shut the fuck up.  Even I am tired of hearing me whine.