C25K W3D1...

I have sat here staring at a blinking cursor for the last 15 minutes, trying to think of a way to accurately describe what happened to me at the gym last night. The only way I can think to do that is to just type down the dialog that occurred in my head for a little more than 30 minutes last night. This should be interesting.  And Long.   

I feel that I need to build you up to the craziness of my thought process. So I will start by saying this: I was scared. As you all know by now, I have been having a lot of issues with cramping in my legs. I got through the Monday workout no problem, but this was now W3D1. Whole different ball game. I knew that this week stepped up with workouts, but I couldn't remember the details. So I refreshed my memory by previewing the workout. 5 minute warmup, 90 seconds of running, 90 seconds of walking, 3 minutes of running, 3 minutes of walking. Rinse and repeat.

HOLY FUCK. 3 MINUTES OF RUNNING? No 30 second step up intervals? We're just gonna double what I've done the last three workouts? Sounds PERFECT. On top of that, I was nervous because I skipped my workout on Wednesday - with good reason, I promise. In addition to getting 7 inches of snow on Tuesday night, I figured out what was going on with my head the last few days. On Sunday while doing my super marathon cleaning spree and pirate cake baking extravaganza - I CRACKED my head on the dryer door, leaving an obnoxious lump on the top of my skull. When I randomly mentioned this to my mom, who was a nurse for 47 years, she proceeded to tell me that what I thought was a migraine, was probably a concussion. All the symptoms are pretty much the same. Headache, fatigue, sensitivity to light and sound... And for those of you that have had a concussion before - you're not supposed to workout when you have one. I was advised by my nurse that I was not allowed to workout until I had been symptom free for 24 hours. So I took my snow day literally - I never got out of my jammies, and never got off my couch.

Enter last night's workout. I got to the gym around 8pm. Cue inner dialog - and ACTION!!!

Jesus Christ, this place is a ghost town!

Except for creepy old guy that always stares at me.
Just get in the locker room, maybe he'll be gone by the time you come out.
Put my stuff in my locker, grab water bottle, iPhone and headphones.
Stop and take picture in mirror.

Ugh, I hate the lighting in here! I'll do it at the mirrors in front of the weights.
Ew - creepy guy still staring at me.
Walk fast to the ladies only area.
Fuck - this place is empty!
Am I the only one here?  Sweet - don't have to feel weird about taking pictures of myself in front of the mirror. 

Ugh the lighting in here sucks too! 
And what is that crazy handprint on the mirror?
Should I suck in my stomach on the side shot? 
No.  Need to see what others see. 

Awesome.  I only look 5 months pregnant instead of 6. 

Fast forward through the 10 minutes of stretching. 

Fuuuuuucccccck.  Workout Barbie is on my lucky treadmill.  God I hate her. 
Pick the treadmill farthest away from treadmill-stealer.
Start the treadmill. No incline - tonight is going to be hard enough.
Set walking pace to 3.2.
Headphones in, playlist on shuffle, and GO.
What in the hell is Workout Barbie wearing?
Oh. My. GOD. Her hair and makeup is done.
What in the hell is she watching? VH1's 100 sexiest artists of all time.
Eh, this maybe good - having to stare at sexy bodies for the next 28.5 minutes could be motivating. Jack White? What the fuck is sexy about him? He looks like a sweaty crack fiend.
Oooooohhhh - I like the beat of this song! Turning up the speed to match the beat.
JEWEL? I don't get that one either!
And we're running.
90 seconds - I got this. I do it all the time.
Hows the leg? Feels fine.
Concentrate on breathing.... gonna need it later.
In...2....3.....4.... Out....2....3....4.... In...2...3...4...
Why am I watching Lil' Kim smack her own crotch?
And now, Diana Ross is feeling her up.
10 seconds left.... Walking.
See? That wasn't so bad.
Nope, but in another 90 seconds we're going to double that.
No big deal - I've done it before I can do it again.
Yeah, except you quit last time.
Week 5 is only two weeks away.
Okay - right calf is getting a little tight.
Don't think about it.
My mouth is dry.
Damnnit, I forgot my gum.
Take a quick drink.
And we're running.
In...2....3.....4.... Out....2....3....4....
Trey Songz can't be his real name.
I wish I knew what the comedians were saying.
In...2....3.....4.... Out....2....3....4....
Damn, I am kicking ass on this!
I thought I'd really struggle with 3 mintues!!
Time check... 1:52 LEFT?!?!?!
I've only been running for a minute!
I still have two minutes to go.
I'm never going to make it.
Don't look at the timer.
Just run until you hear her.
1:29 left?
OMG. 
Longest 3 minutes of my life.
My leg hurts. That's a new spot...
The side of my leg? 
That can't be good.
Breathings not right...
In...2....3.....4.... Out....2....3....4....
Only 52 seconds left. 
I can do 52 seconds.
43 seconds. ...2...3...4...
Really? Faith Hill? 
Yeah, I can see that.
30 seconds... 
I CAN go 30 more seconds.
Why am I looking at the timer? 
I said no looking at the timer!!!
Why is she in a desert?
9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1.... WALK!!!!!
My legs are going to fall off.
Why the side of my leg? 
That's new. 
Really hurts.
Maybe I should stretch.
Straddle the treadmill.
Oh, ohhh, ohhhhh... That hurts.
It's okay.
Pain is fat leaving the body.
Pain is fat leaving the body.
This is a good hurt, not a bad hurt.
Who cares what kind of hurt it is? 
It FUCKING HURTS!!!
Gotta walk. And back on.
Still tight.
Don't push too hard.
Maybe I should quit.
I really have to pee.
I could just stop halfway and take a bathroom break. 
Who am I kidding. I'd never come back and finish.
No. PUSH THROUGH.
20 seconds?!?!
Why does the walking always go so much quicker???
Fuck Fuck fucking fuck.
Okay. Only 90 seconds this time.
I can do that.
Then after this interval - it's already half way done.
4 1/2 minutes. 
4 1/2 minutes of running, and it's over.
I can do 4 1/2 minutes.
I wonder what my running on a treadmill sounds like to people without headphones?
Herd of elephants maybe?
Ha! Imagine an elephant on a treadmill.
Why is she looking at me like that?
Please God, is this over? 12 seconds...

I can't breathe! In...2....3.....4.... Out....2....3....4.... In...2...3...4...
What is wrong with my leg?!?!?!
There is no way I can finish this workout.

There is no way I can run for another 3 minutes.

FINALLY!!!
90 seconds walking.

My leg is seriously going to fall the fuck off.

I have to stretch.

Its so hard to stretch on a treadmill.

I can't stretch it the way I need to up here!

Who designs these torture devices anyway?!?!?

OH, thank god. Workout Barbie is leaving.

How in holy fuck do I only have 8 seconds left?

Walking.

Walking.

Last one.

I can do this.

GO!!!

Don't look at the clock.

Dont look at the clock.

Oh, I hate this song.

Really. Hard. Tochange. Songs. While. Running.

Ooooohhhh - PERFECT!!!

Breathe....

In...2....3.....4.... Out....2....3....4.... In...2...3...4....

Shoot me down. I won't fall. I am TITANIUM!!!!

Nope. Jello. I am Jello.

I can't do this. I have to stop.

2 minutes left.

2 minutes.

Water.

Need water.

"I'm so proud of you!!!"

"Aug 160 Get it skinny!!!"

Love that water bottle.

Can't drink.

Probably spill it everywhere and electrocute myself.

1:45 left.

Wedding Dress.

Wedding Dress.

Wedding Dress.

I need a picture of me in my wedding dress for moments just like this.

I'm not doing the cool down.

I think my legs are going to give out.

I'll finish the 3 minutes walking, but not the cool down.

Please don't let my legs give out.

I can't afford to repair the drywall.

Why did I pick the treadmill in the corner.

Now I'm going to have to replace 2 walls when I fall.

WHY DOES THE SIDE OF MY LEG HURT?!?!?!

In...2....3.....4.... Out....2....3....4.... In...2...3...4....

1 minute. I can do one minute!

I'm almost done!

Holy Shit!!

In...2....3.....4.... Out....2....3....4.... In...2...3...4...

BONO? Really? That must be a different generation thing.

I REALLY don't get that one.

Who the hell else did I miss?

15 seconds!!!

Finger on the speed button...

I can't believe it.

I did it!

Why am I smiling like an idiot.

God I hope they don't have cameras back here.

The entire staff is probably gathered around the front desk watching, laughing, and pointing at this FatGirl.

They don't know I've already lost 63 pounds.

WALK!!!

Walk?

I can't walk.

I have to stretch.

Stretching doesn't work on a treadmill!

God I can't wait to get off this thing.

I can't believe I did it.

No cheating.

No slowing down.

Worked through the pain.

Still working through the pain.

Fat leaving the body.

Fat leaving the body.

TLC? As a group?

How is a group a sexiest person???

I know that video.

Don't go chasing waterfalls.... Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to....

Never understood that video.

Why are they dancing in the water.

Can't believe Left Eye is dead. She was one crazy bitch.

Can't remember that one's name, but she was the prettiest.

"You may begin your cool down..."

Time to quit...

NO!!!

NO god damnnit!

It's only 5 minutes.

5 more minutes gets me that much closer to my goal.

5 more minutes means I didn't give up.

5 more minutes, and you beat it, it didn't beat you!

Keep going.

Fine, but I have to slow down. 2.5.

Ahhhh... Better.

Now it feels too slow.

Back up to 2.9.

Maybe 2.7.

Fuck. 2.5.

Grandma Orange shoes is here.

She always does the elliptical. 7?

She set it to resistance 7!

Grandma Orange shoes is a beast!!!

And she looks better than me.

Wait... The wheel is in the front...

Is that an Arc Trainer?!?!

Have I seriously been staring at the Arc Trainer every damn day I've been here?

That's what Christy said right?

Look for the wheel in the front?

I'm going to have to Google that picture again...

I can't believe that. It's been here the whole time.

I can NOT wait to stretch. My fucking legs HUuuuuurrrrrttttt!!!

"You're workout is complete!"

Yay!!! I did it!!!

Take picture of the screen!!!

Wait - 28 minutes?

Why 28 minutes? It should be 30!

Did the time pause when I straddled the machine to stretch?

WTF is that shit?!?!?! God damn it!!!

Two more minutes. I can do two more minutes.

My legs feel like Jello for real.

God I hope I don't collapse when I get off this thing.

Just like in Bridgette Jones Diary.

Step one foot off. Leg gives out. BAM!!! On the floor.

My legs are literally Jello.

Two tree trunk resembling, trembling Jello molds.

In Lime.

Why do I immediately think of Lime?

I don't even like lime Jello.

6 seconds!!!! 5....4....3....2....1....!!!!!

Take the picture!!! 

 

 

Yaya!!! If I thought my legs would take it, i'd SOOOO do a happy dance right now.

Just don't fall down. Don't let Grandma see you fall....

I took a good 10-15 minutes to stretch afterwards. I did every leg stretch I could think of. They were still tingling by the time I got home. And I can definitely feel it today - but it's the GOOD feel it. I feel GOOD today. I am definitely taking my rest day today. I can tell my body needs it. Maybe some Yoga tonight... But no running and no lifting. Gotta prepare for W3D2.

And this, has been 30 minutes and 4 seconds inside my head.  -FatGirl