Weigh In Day!

Today is weigh in day.  It was good, but I am still VERY disappointed.  It’s hard for me to see how far off my goal I am, even though I know I’m moving in the right direction.  This week, I weighed in at 220.6 – which is exactly a 2 pound loss from last week.  I also lost a total of 3 inches – a ½ inch here, a ½ inch there… 

I know!  I should be happy.  I know I should – but I’m not.  Each week, I get further and further from where I wanted to be by now.  This week, I wanted to be at 212.  I am 8 pounds over that.  Plus, I don’t see any changes.  Maybe in my face a little bit, but all of my clothes still fit the same, and I still see a blob when I look in the mirror. 

We are now on week 9 of this little journey.  I’ve always heard that 12 weeks is the magic number… That all of a sudden, your body realizes this isn’t some fad, that you’re actually changing, and lets go and begins to transform.  I have to continue to remind myself that I am still 3 weeks from that point.  I have to continue to remind myself that while I am not seeing changes in the mirror or my wardrobe, that the pictures don’t lie.  That I have lost 65 pounds.  That I have lost 20.75 inches off of my body.  That I have lost at LEAST 20% body fat.  And since I started tracking LBM and FBM, I have gained 8.2 pounds of muscle, and lost 13.6 pounds of pure fat. 

I HAVE made progress – and someday – I’m going to finally see it.  I just have to stay focused. 

Here is a reminder of my goals:

• I will weigh in, and report my weight at LEAST once a week, maybe more.
• I will get to the gym (or workout at home) 4 times each week.
• I will cut out the unnecessary sugary drinks, and get back to drinking water.
• I will update the below chart after each week's weigh-in. If I meet the goal listed, the date will be changed to blue. If I miss it - it will be red. If I meet my 2 lb per week goal, but miss the "goal weight", it will stay purple (blue and red makes what???). Hopefully, by the end of this, there will be more blues and purples than reds. :)

Today's weigh-in: 220.6
01/28/13: 228.0
02/04/13: 226.0 228.0
02/11/13: 224.0 227.8
02/18/13: 222.0 227.6
02/27/13: 220.0 224.8 HA!!!! PURPLE!!! IT'S NOT RED!!!!!
03/06/13: 218.0 222.6
03/13/13: 216.0 224.8 MOTHERFUCKER.
03/20/13: 214.0 222.6 - I'll take it!
03/27/13: 212.0 220.6
04/03/13: 210.0
04/10/13: 208.0
04/17/13: 206.0
04/24/13: 204.0
05/01/13: 202.0
05/08/13: 200.0
05/15/13: 198.0
05/22/13: 196.0
05/29/13: 194.0
06/05/13: 192.0
06/12/13: 190.0
06/19/13: 188.0
06/26/13: 186.0
07/03/13: 184.0
07/10/13: 182.0
07/17/13: 180.0
07/24/13: 178.0
07/31/13: 176.0
08/07/13: 174.0
08/14/13: 172.0
08/21/13: 170.0
08/28/13: 168.0
08/31/13: My Wedding Day!!! Goal: 165.00

C25K - You're FIRED.

It's been a while - really.  It's been 11 days since I have been to the gym, or done any kind of a workout, honestly.  I really just needed some time to adjust, to think, and to figure out what I really want out of all of this.  I had a major meltdown last week - and it took a few days to recover from that, both mentally and emotionally.  Then, this weekend was rough.  It was Matt's birthday Friday - and he was NOT in a good mood – which in the end I realized was all my fault.  It seemed to be a common theme for the weekend, with a few good spots here and there.  It was a little bit of fun, and a LOT of stress, hurt feelings, and anxiety.  It also meant a lot of food that normally not on the menu for me - Chinese, hamburgers, cake, beer... nomnomnom – all the things a FatGirl loves.  I think I went over Friday AND Saturday (I think, because I didn’t actually log my food).  It should all even out for the week though, because of the extreme deficits I carried most of last week.  I just need to get back on the water train to get all this sodium out of my system before Wednesday's weigh in. 

I laid awake for hours last night.  Seriously, I may have gotten two hours of sleep.  I just had too much on my mind.  I thought obsessively about the weekend, and what I had done wrong.  I thought about all the things I was so upset about last week.  I thought about my weight loss, and my workouts, and my diet and my wedding.  And more about the weekend.  I really screwed up – and I knew better.  I feel more like shit today than I did last week.  The only reason I was able to get to sleep was because I came up with a plan to fix all of it.  I think. 

Tonight, it's back to the gym I go.  And I'm not positive C25K is going to be a part of my workout, per-say.  Here's the thing... I like C25k.  But I have put far too much pressure on myself to complete this.  I finally realized why I have been avoiding the gym, and avoiding my workouts.  It all comes down to C25K.  Last round, I got to W5D3, and couldn’t complete it.  This time, I got to W4D1 – and couldn’t bring myself to do it.  Why?  Because I am afraid of it.  I am afraid of failing, and quitting like I did last time.  LAST time when I failed – I quit – period.  I quit trying.  I quit working out.  I quit eating right – all because I felt like I couldn’t accomplish my goals, because I couldn’t complete C25K.  And I gained 25 pounds back in a matter of months. 

That then led to this question: WHY do I feel I have to complete a 5K to be active?  Why do I have to run 3.6 miles to work out?  Why can’t I do any of the other MILLION things there are to do to work out?  Seriously – get on MFP just ONE day, and look at all the different things my friends are doing.  Running.  Lifting weights.  The Arc Trainer.  Zumba.  Yoga.  Stationary bikes.  Body weight exercises.  Fitness challenges.  Etc. etc. etc...  Some people eat 1200 calories.  Some people eat 2800.  Some are on weight watchers, or paleo, or whatever!  WHY must I make myself do ONE thing every time I work out – especially ONE thing I’ve NEVER been able to do!!!  It’s insane.  And what’s the definition of insanity?  Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results!

I need different results.  I need to stop the insanity, and the anxiety about my fear of failure.  So here’s the NEW plan.  MOVE.  That’s it.  Just move.  3 times a week.  For 60 minutes.  Get to the gym, or the TV and do some form of cardio for 30 minutes.  Stationary bike?  SURE.  Arc Trainer?  Why not?  C25k intervals?  Yep.  Can’t get to the gym?  Zumba it is. Or the 30DS.  Or Yoga.  WHATEVER.  Just move!!!  Then, 30 minutes of strength training. 5x5?  YES.  Six pack March, or Kick Ass April?  I want to try it!  Can’t get to the gym?  Body weight exercises, like push-ups and planks.  DO IT.  Do IT.  For 60 minutes, 3 times a week – any day of the week, just as long as I get my 3 workouts in.  Any busy mom can adhere to a schedule THAT flexible, right? 

As far as the rest of it goes – I have to remind myself constantly that NO ONE is perfect.  I’ll clean the house when I can.  I’ll do laundry when I can.  As long as we have clean dishes and socks – it’s all good.  Everyone screws up as a parent, and we all have different ways of parenting.  I am not immune to that.  I just have to do what I think is best for my kids – and hope like hell they turn out as normal, functional members of society.  If that happens, then I did okay, right?  And as far as this weekend goes – you live and you learn.  I can’t take it back, or go fix what has already happened.  I learned a lesson, as a girlfriend and a wife – to NOT listen to my husband when it comes to his birthday. 

The last thing that I’ve come to realize is this.  NOT working out has affected everything in my life in the last two weeks.  I am more stressed out, more on edge, more depressed, and have less energy.  I have all this shit built up inside of me, and no way to release it.  And the stress levels have not changed.  I always feel like this.  Shit is always screwed up at work, at home, with the kids, etc.  The only thing that was different in the last two weeks was my lack of exercise.  So tonight, I am hitting the gym – or my house, depending on soccer, and burning some of this frustration and anxiety and depression and stress off.  I need release, and a few quiet, hot, sweaty, feel the burn moments. 

And maybe – just maybe, I’ll feel like the FatGirl again. 

Failure...

Last night, I straight got called out.

Matt and I were sitting together after we put the kids to bed, talking about our days. I was telling him about the weigh in at work, and how impressive I thought my 8 week stats were. He agreed, then casually mentioned that I need to continue going to the gym. He said that he can really tell when I've been going to the gym, and that I hadn't been in a while. I started explaining why I haven't been this week - and he told me I was making excuses. Everything I named, he retorted with "Excuse". I started getting defensive, and snapping back at him. He told me that many weeks ago - I had asked him to do this. To keep me in check when I started slipping. I told him my logic behind not having enough "fuel" to workout, when I hadn't been eating as much as I need to. Then he threw my diet into the mix. That I don't eat enough, or at the right times - and by doing this, it's easier for me to excuse myself from working out. He said that he was only doing what I asked him to do - that he wants to see me reach my goals, and be happy and proud of myself.

My feelings were so hurt. I love him more than anything in this whole world. He is my biggest supporter, and nothing that he said was ill-natured or meant to hurt me, only to keep me on track. I am SO stressed out right now.  I have a million things going on in my head. I am so busy all the time. I get up at 5 every morning, leave by 6, at work by 7, work until 3:30, home by 4:30. Then it's kids, and dinner, and activities, and homework, and bath time and bed time. Not to mention the cleaning, and cooking and laundry. I usually don't sit down until 9 or 9:30 at night. This past week - and other times - I have been so exhausted that when I do sit down - that's it. I ain't getting back up.  He (unintentionally) made me feel lazy last night, because I didn't want to go to the gym at 9:30. 

 

 Am I? Am I lazy because I am not forcing myself to work out? Should I still be working out on the days I haven't eaten anything? Should I be going to the gym at 9:30, not getting home until 11, and only getting 5 hours of sleep a night? Then I started thinking... Other people do it. I'm not the only working mom out there that is trying to lose weight and become healthier for my family. So how does everyone else do it - because right now, I feel like a complete failure.

 

Matt didn't do anything wrong - in fact, he did EXACTLY what I asked him to, and then apologized for it.  And I hope he continues to do it, because it gave me the kick in the ass I needed. 

The fact is, I AM making excuses - because I am SO fucking tired all the time. ALL the time. I could literally lay my head down on my desk right now and be OUT. I'm too tired to cook for myself, and I won't "cheat" by eating fast food - so I don't eat. I sleep an extra 10 minutes in the morning, and as a result, don't have time to pack my lunch. I sit down on the couch at night to try to spend a few minutes with Matt, and 10 minutes later I am sleeping. I'm not spending time with him. I'm so tired that I'm irritated all the time, and the kids get most of my frustration - cause they are driving me CRAZY. I feel like a horrible mom - like I don't spend enough time with them, just playing and reading and coloring. And I don't get to do those things because they are always mad at me. I feel like because I am the one that disciplines them, that I am always the bad guy, and ANY and everyone else is the good guy.  And then everyone over rules me, because everyone else has a better title than I do. I'm not Mom, or Grandma or Dad or Papa.  So in the end, I feel like I am honestly wasting my time even trying to discipline them because they get to do what they want to do anyway.  And all that makes me second guess myself about how I am trying to raise these kids when they are in my care. 

I am not focused at work, my house is a wreck, and the laundry is piled up. I am CONSTANTLY afraid that I am doing the wrong thing. I'm eating too much. I'm not eating enough. I need cardio. I need weights. I can do C25K. I can't do C25k. I should be walking. I should be doing the elliptical. I should be doing the arc trainer. I should be doing zumba. I should be doing the 30DS. I should be doing yoga. I should be doing body weight exercises. I can do it at home. I am going to the gym. I'm not going to the gym.

I'm going to pull my hair out. I have put so much pressure on myself to be perfect. The perfect wife, the perfect mom, the perfect employee, the perfect cook, the perfect maid, to have the perfect body... And I'm failing miserably in every aspect. I know that I am letting myself down every time I make an excuse not to go. But now I feel this additional pressure, because I don't want to fail, and right now I am barely keeping my head above water. I haven't been to the gym in a week. A WEEK! And I've done nothing at home either.  I feel like I'm not living up to my own (and other's) expectations.   

 

So - just to condense everything for you... I want to be perfect at everything, and I'm not. I don't shop.  I don't cook.  I don't clean.  I don't do laundry.  I yell at my kids - who hate me for it, and don't listen anyway.  I don't spend time with my husband.  I suck at work, at working out, at managing my home, and at being a mom.  I don't take care of myself - which people that know me can tell by my daily appearance.   And I don't do any of this because I am fat and lazy and tired.  ALL.  THE.  TIME. 

 

So how do I fix it?  Sitting down - ever - is apparently NOT an option.  I am going to have to use every single second of time not at work focusing on my home and my family.  I am tired of disappointing everyone - most of all, myself.  Obviously, working out in the evenings is NOT working for me. The only thing I can think to do is to start getting up in the mornings and going to the gym before work. What scares me is, I've tried that before. And I was NEVER able to get out of bed in the morning to make myself go. And I don't know how to change that.

 

I don't know how to change any of this - but I have to try.  I can't keep beating myself up like this.

 

This message has been sponsored by seasonal depression - because it's just too fucking cold to do anything. 

 

<3 FatGirl   

C25k - to quit, or not to quit. THAT is the question...

I decided to do two seperate posts today, since it was weigh in day.  I wanted that post to be only about that - not just my ramblings.  Life is in the way again.  I am kinda stuck this week, and it's changing my perspective.  And guess what - it all revolves around C25K.  I know I mentioned earlier in the week that I was nervous about running this week.  Longer intervals, same muscle issues.  Then Monday happened.  I didn't write about it here - so I'll catch you guys up.  TOM is still visiting, and I was feeling really bad on Monday when I got home from work.  I took some medicine and laid down for a nap, with every intention of getting up and going to the gym.  The next thing I knew, it was midnight, and Matt was waking me up, and telling me to come to bed. 

Yesterday I felt much better.  I woke up and decided that I would just pack my gym bag, and head straight to the gym after work.  I worked all day with my mind set I was going.  Then, on the way to the gym, Matt called.  Two things had popped up.  One - Little Man had his basketball awards ceremony last night, which we didn't know about until 5 minutes before he called me, thanks to his lovely ex.  Two - we are meeting with the priest from our church tonight.  We are supposed to bring copies of his marriage certificate, and a copy of the divorce decree to show that we are able to get married in the church.  He found one, but not the other.  Hmmm - glad I asked him to look for this stuff last week, and he waited until yesterday.  So guess what - I didn't get to the gym last night either.  I did find the correct documents though - so that's a plus. 

Honestly, it's probably safer that I skipped.  I forgot to mention that on Monday, all I had to eat was a protein bar and a cup of coffee.  And again yesterday - that's all I had before I *would* have been to the gym.  I really didn't have enough fuel to work out, and even after eating and skipping my workout last night, I was still in a MAJOR defecit after two days. 

Tonight, I'm already screwed.  We are meeting with our preist tonight, and he can be a bit long winded, so who knows how long it will take - but just the timing of it doesn't leave me room to go to the gym before OR after, unless I go at 10 tonight.  I already know I can't go tomorrow, as Lil' Miss has soccer practice for TWO AND A HALF HOURS, 30 minutes from where we live.  And since we only have one car - I am SOL.  Lets go ahead and jump to Friday. Friday is one of my favorite days.  It is Matt AND my Dad's birthday.  I get to spend the evening with the two most special men in my life.  And I don't get to see my Dad that often, so there's no way I am going to miss seeing him to go to the gym. 

That means week 4 is dust in the wind - and now I don't know what to do.  Do I pick back up next week where I left off?  Do I back track and repeat week 3?  Do I quit like i've done so many times before?  Here's where I'm at, and what I'm thinking.  I think I want to quit C25k.  I have never been good at running, and the leg issues this time are really freaking me out.  Plus, since I have limited time at the gym, I don't have time to do cardio AND weight lifting.  If I'm being honest with myself, I would rather lift weights.  I want to lose fat.  I want to build muscle.  Cardio I can do at home.  I can walk my dogs.  I can do Zumba or the 30DS or the BBL series.  I can get my cardio in without a gym membership.  Once the weather starts warming up, I can start running outside again - which is the part of running I really enjoy.  And there's no sense in lying.  There's no way in hell I'd run outside in the cold.  I don't love running THAT much, and I HATE the cold. 

I keep letting the voices in my head get to me, justifiying quitting.  Maybe I AM putting too much pressure on my knees/lower back with running.  Maybe I SHOULD wait until I get into a healthier weight range before running like that.  Maybe i'd have time to build up the muscles in my legs before starting again.  It would be easier to get to the gym without a set schedule. 

But at the same time, I don't want to feel like a quitter again.  I think the problem with my legs can be fixed (or at least helped) with a new pair of running shoes - and part of the problem there is the money.  Every extra cent we have is going towards the wedding and/or honeymoon.  There's only 4 weeks of C25K left - IF I pick back up at week 4.  If I stick it out for 4 more weeks, I could finally say that I was able to conquer it.  So I really am stuck, and would appreciate any feedback, comments, questions, or screaming you guys may have.    Annnndddd..... GO. 

Weigh in Day!!!

I have to admit, I am pretty stoked right now.  There's bad, and there's good, but for once, I am actually seeing the positive side of the bad.  So first things first, let's get to the weigh in.  The scale shows I had a loss of 1.2 pounds this week, which is still a pound more than I weighed two weeks ago.  There's the first piece of good news/bad news.  I will defend myself here by saying that I am STILL being visited by TOM, and likely still carrying water weight.  Not to mention that steak and baked potato I had last night that were seasoned with garlic salt.  I knew better - but hey, it was worth it. 

For once - I am not so much concerned with the number on the scale - and here's why.  Though I may weigh one pound more than I did two weeks ago, my measurements tell a completely different story.  In two weeks - I've lost 6.25 inches, lost 1.5% body fat, GAINED 3.9 pounds of muscle, and lost 2.9 pounds of pure fat and took the first "skinny" picture I've ever taken in my life.  Well - at least my face looks skinny.  You can't really see the rest of me, as I had just done a sneak attack on a drunken leprechaun (see previous post, lol).  So take THAT, you stupid liar-face scale.

Then I come here to update the chart you see below, and see that in 7 weeks, I've lost 4.4 pounds, instead of the 14 I was shooting for.  Hmph.  Buuuutttttt......  I have lost 18.5 inches.  I have lost 4.5% body fat.  I have gained 7.8 pounds of muscle, and lost 11.8 pounds of pure fat. 

So FUCK that 4.4 pound loss on the scale. 

UPDATE:  I weighed in again (for the Biggest Loser contest at work.)  I was up to 224.0  I told the girls I had already had 33 ounces of water, and a cup of coffe. As a joke - they told me to go to the bathroom and come back and weigh again.  BOOM.  222.6 pounds!  Back where I was two weeks ago.  Make that a 5.4 pound loss on the scale! 

Here is a reminder of my goals:

• I will weigh in, and report my weight at LEAST once a week, maybe more.
• I will get to the gym (or workout at home) 4 times each week.
• I will cut out the unnecessary sugary drinks, and get back to drinking water.
• I will update the below chart after each week's weigh-in. If I meet the goal listed, the date will be changed to blue. If I miss it - it will be red. If I meet my 2 lb per week goal, but miss the "goal weight", it will stay purple (blue and red makes what???). Hopefully, by the end of this, there will be more blues and purples than reds. :)

Today's weigh-in: 222.6
01/28/13: 228.0
02/04/13: 226.0 228.0
02/11/13: 224.0 227.8
02/18/13: 222.0 227.6
02/27/13: 220.0 224.8 HA!!!! PURPLE!!! IT'S NOT RED!!!!!
03/06/13: 218.0 222.6
03/13/13: 216.0 224.8 MOTHERFUCKER.
03/20/13: 214.0 222.6 - I'll take it!
03/27/13: 212.0
04/03/13: 210.0
04/10/13: 208.0
04/17/13: 206.0
04/24/13: 204.0
05/01/13: 202.0
05/08/13: 200.0
05/15/13: 198.0
05/22/13: 196.0
05/29/13: 194.0
06/05/13: 192.0
06/12/13: 190.0
06/19/13: 188.0
06/26/13: 186.0
07/03/13: 184.0
07/10/13: 182.0
07/17/13: 180.0
07/24/13: 178.0
07/31/13: 176.0
08/07/13: 174.0
08/14/13: 172.0
08/21/13: 170.0
08/28/13: 168.0
08/31/13: My Wedding Day!!! Goal: 165.00

Week 3, Day 3 - Complete!!!

Better late than never, right??

 

I know I have not posted anything in a few days. I normally write my posts up while I am at work on hold on a call - but I have actually been really busy at work lately, and haven't had that much down time. Besides that, I haven't been to the gym since last Wednesday - and honestly, I think I have been avoiding it. Last Wednesday, I completed Week 3, Day 3 of C25K. I was really proud of myself that day. I knew we were supposed to go out that night, so I planned ahead, and took my gym stuff with me to work. I went straight to the gym after work to get it out of the way so I could enjoy the rest of my evening. I made it through the workout with only a little bit of cramping in my right leg (it's always the same spot - on the side of my calf). It also seemed to be easier. I wasn't so focused on passing out - I just wanted to be done with it!

After my workout, as I was sitting down stretching out, I decided to check out the upcoming week of C25K. I shouldn't have done that. I think I've been freaked out about it again. Week 4 is the standard 5 min warm up and cool down, but the interval breakdown is scary to me. Jog 3 minutes, walk 90 seconds. Jog 5 minutes, walk 2.5 minutes. Jog 3 minutes, walk 90 seconds, Jog 5 minutes. I know. I've done this before. I've finished week 4 before. I've run these intervals before. But I'm still worried about it. I didn't have the leg/muscle/cramping issues last time. It freaks me out. I am going to attempt this today. I just have to get it done and get it over with.

I was a crazy person for the second half of last week. I think my body is freaking out with all the changes i've been making - the change in diet, the working out, the water, the stress from planning the wedding, etc. I've been moody, exhausted, and stressed out. I took my rest day on Thursday, then Friday I was such an emotional mess - I chose going to a friends house over working out. Saturday, I did a lot of work around the house, but there was no official workout. Sunday, I spent most of the day nursing an Irish Hangover, along with major cramps from TOM. I ate horribly this weekend - meaning I didn't eat much at all.

And then there's today.  Today, I am still an emotional stress ball. I am either still holding water weight (which is an actual possibility since I am still "on") or I have seriously gained three pounds since my 3/7 weigh in. As of this Wednesday, I had hoped to be around 214. Today, I was 10 pounds over that. It makes me very discouraged - but I am trying to stay positive about it. I tell myself it IS just water weight, and it WILL come off. I tell myself that if I give up now, it never will. I just have to keep pushing. I hope that I see some decrease by Wednesday's weigh in. I really don't want to be in the RED two weeks in a row.

Hopefully, I have good news to report tomorrow. Until then, here's my NSV from the weekend... The first picture I've taken where I thought my face looks thin. See... Told you I was trying to be positive.  Oh, and Happy St. Patty's day!!!
 

   

Weigh In Day!!!

The dreaded RED.  You have found me once again (This totally has a double meaning...). 

Yep - it's TOM - or it will be in a matter of hours.  And I showed a gain on the scale - which is frustrating, regardless.  Which is why I am SO glad that the scale is not the only measurment we use.  We also track measurements and percentage of body fat. 

This week, I weighed in at 224.8 - which is a 2.2 pound GAIN.  I keep telling myself that this is water weight and hormones - that I didn't actually eat more that 7000 calories extra last week.  Because I didn't.  I actually checked.  And I was at a HUGE deficit after sleeping ALL WEEKEND.

That explains the inches... I lost 2 inches over all - another 1/2 inch off my waist, neck, hips, and 1/4 of an inch of each of my calves.  I was hoping for more, but that probably has to do with the water weight too - being bloated and all.  Ugh.  I really *hate* being a girl sometimes. 

My BF% also went down, showing 42.5% instead of 43%.  My LEAN body mass went up 2.3 pounds, and I actually show a 0.1 LOSS on my FAT body mass.  So I'll take it.  :)

So - I am kinda in the middle this week.  I'm not happy, but I'm not upset either. 

One last thing... I wasn't going to post these, because I feel fat and ugly today... but I said I would do it - so here's the progress pictures... And holy wheredidthathourglasscomefrom?!?! 

Did I mention I hate the lighting in our bathrooms at work?!?!  WTFever. 

Here's to next week. 

Here is a reminder of my goals:

• I will weigh in, and report my weight at LEAST once a week, maybe more.
• I will get to the gym (or workout at home) 4 times each week.
• I will cut out the unnecessary sugary drinks, and get back to drinking water.
• I will update the below chart after each week's weigh-in. If I meet the goal listed, the date will be changed to blue. If I miss it - it will be red. If I meet my 2 lb per week goal, but miss the "goal weight", it will stay purple (blue and red makes what???). Hopefully, by the end of this, there will be more blues and purples than reds. :)

Today's weigh-in: 224.8
01/28/13: 228.0
02/04/13: 226.0 228.0
02/11/13: 224.0 227.8
02/18/13: 222.0 227.6
02/27/13: 220.0 224.8 HA!!!! PURPLE!!! IT'S NOT RED!!!!!
03/06/13: 218.0 222.6
03/13/13: 216.0 224.8  MOTHERFUCKER. 
03/20/13: 214.0
03/27/13: 212.0
04/03/13: 210.0
04/10/13: 208.0
04/17/13: 206.0
04/24/13: 204.0
05/01/13: 202.0
05/08/13: 200.0
05/15/13: 198.0
05/22/13: 196.0
05/29/13: 194.0
06/05/13: 192.0
06/12/13: 190.0
06/19/13: 188.0
06/26/13: 186.0
07/03/13: 184.0
07/10/13: 182.0
07/17/13: 180.0
07/24/13: 178.0
07/31/13: 176.0
08/07/13: 174.0
08/14/13: 172.0
08/21/13: 170.0
08/28/13: 168.0
08/31/13: My Wedding Day!!! Goal: 165.00

C25K - W3D2... BITCHES!

I have to admit, I spent most of the day yesterday crying. I held it together until Matt called, but he knows me too well, and knew something was wrong. He wouldn't let it go until I broke. Then I had a private meltdown in my car. Then I sobbed at my desk while writing yesterday afternoon's post. Then I cried again when I talked to my Mom on the way home. Maybe I needed to cry. Maybe I needed that flood and release of emotion. Maybe I needed that smack in the face. Because it changed my entire attitude.

I have always been the type of person that when you tell me I can't do something - I'll do it just to spite you. And that's pretty much what happened last night... Eventually. I stopped at the store on the way home from work. I couldn't find the exact yoga DVD that I wanted, but I did find one by the same instructor, and it had 5 workouts on it. I picked up that and a yoga mat, and headed home with every intention of just doing yoga last night. But something clicked when I got home. I just wanted to run. I didn't want to let this person get in my head, and get the better of me. I ate a banana, and took my time getting ready for the gym - to give the potassium a chance to get to my muscles.

When I got to the gym, I skipped stretching, and hopped right on the treadmill. It seems like the days I do stretch beforehand are the days I cramp up the most. I turned on my music, started the app and the treadmill, and got down to work. I ran at 5.0 on the 90 second intervals, 4.7 on the 3 minute intervals. In 28 Minutes, I did 1.64 miles, hit lap 7, and burned about 250 calories. I really need to invest in a HRM. I was so freaking proud of myself. I got a bit of a cramp for the last half of the workout, but I ran through it. I refused to quit. When I wanted to quit, I ran faster. Harder. I did it, and it felt great.

When I got home, Matt was still making dinner. He asked me to help with the macaroni, and without hesitation, I was like - "NOPE. Gonna do Yoga!" and I grabbed my shopping bags and left the room. And I LOVE it. The stretching was wonderful, but it was honestly relaxing. It was quiet, and peaceful. I had time to myself, and I really did just submit to it. When I was done, I felt centered, and rejuvenated.

And I learned something about myself. The only person stopping me is me. That has been on my homepage for a long time now... but it really sank in yesterday. Stupid, ignorant bitches are NOT going to tell me I'm too fat to run. I'M the ONLY person that can say that. I am the one that chooses to skip workouts or just get them done. I am the one that chooses what foods to put in my body- NO ONE else. I am the ONLY person that can make myself do this - and I KNOW that I can. I just keep getting in my own way for some reason! I want this. I WANT this so BAD that I dream about it. I think about it all day. I obsess over numbers and pictures and science and research. I have worked too hard for too long to give up - EVER. But there is a big difference between wanting something, and DOING something. And I'm DOING it. Each time I choose fruit over chips. Every time I choose a run over a tv show. Every time a half of a pound or a half of an inch falls off - I'M DOING IT. I don't just want it. I don't just talk about it - I'm actually DOING it.

And the people that aren't going to support me? 

Fuck 'em. 

<3 FatGirl

 

Ready to throw in the towel....

This day, and my mood has gone from bad to worse, and now I’m much farther down the rabbit hole.  I know that people think I’m crazy – and that’s fine, because in all honesty, I probably am. 

Maybe I write too many times a day.  Maybe I don’t write enough.  Maybe I should wait until the end of the day, until all of my emotions have passed before I publish a post.  Thursday I was proud.  Friday I was fine.  Saturday and Sunday I was sick – but fine.  And then today – BOOM.  The whole fucking thing has imploded.  And maybe I’ll be fine tomorrow.  I thought about not even posting this.  But then I thought – that’s what this whole thing is about, right?  The good AND the bad.  The ups AND the downs.  This is supposed to be the real struggle of trying to lose weight, right?  Well today, this FatGirl is struggling. 

I want to throw this motherfucking scale away.  I want to cut my measuring tape into half inch increments.  I want to throw my apple through the fucking window and break something.  I want to chuck that jug of protein powder over the fence and across 75.  I am sad.  I am angry.  I am depressed.  And I’m tired. 

I am tired of trying and not seeing results.  Oh, I’m aware that I’ve lost a pound here, and an inch there.  But when you look at the bigger picture – I’m in the same fucking place I was in last year.  Same 220s.  Same  40 some-odd inches.  Same fucking pair of pants I’ve owned for years.  I’ve upped calories, I’ve dropped calories.  I’ve done low fat, no fat, low cal, low carb.  I’ve walked, run, swam, ellipitcal’d, personal trained, 30 day shredded, and weight lifted.  I’ve done every day, I’ve done every other day.  I’ve tried everyone else’s program, I’ve tried my own program. 

And here I sit.  The  SAME fucking FatGirl from a year ago.  I want to quit.  I REALLY, *REALLY* want to quit.  And don’t everyone jump my shit all at once here, because I’m not.  But if I am being honest with myself… I don’t want to do this anymore.  I don’t want to yo-yo anymore.  I don’t want to wear spanks every day of my life.  I don’t want to feel like crying every time I look in the mirror.  I don’t want to dress in black any more.  I’m tired of waiting for someone to notice.  I am tired of wondering what it sounds like when I run on a treadmill at the gym.  I am tired of wondering if people are staring at my stomach when I have to do squats. 

Am I not doing enough?  Am I not committed enough?  Should I be doing two-a-days 7 days a week?  Once a day every day?  Every other day?  I am not going to say names, but after my first post this morning, I received a PM on MFP from a “friend” of mine.  She told me that I am too fat to run.  Who fucking says that?  How horrible is that?  To be too fat to run?!?!  Maybe that is why I have failed so many times!  Maybe it’s because at this weight, my body is incapable of it?  Should I do fat people exercises?  What does that even mean?

I am literally sitting at my desk sobbing – hoping that no one that sits around me notices.  I want to quit so bad – but I won’t.  Because that’s why I am here today.  Because I quit this time last year.  And if I quit now, I will be saying the same thing next year.    I wish I would have stuck with it.  But I am so confused now.  Should I be doing something else?  Should I just walk, or do the elliptical or something?  Am I really hurting myself by wanting to run? 

Or – am I wasting my time?  Will this ever happen for me?  Will there ever come a day that I am proud of myself, and my body, and what I have accomplished?  Because today, that hope is diminishing fast. 

I just want to go to bed. 

I had good intentions....

Today, I am reminded that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.  My last workout was Thursday night.  Remember the crazy-person-talking-to-herself-about-lime-Jello-legs post?  Yeah.  The one where I thought I was going to die?  Yeah. 

So I came up with this great plan.  I've been so sore, and feeling like I've been pushing too hard on my "off" days, do I decided to give Yoga a try.  I did a lot of research on all the 87 million types of yoga.  And each type of Yoga has your choice of hundreds of different instructors.  Do I need a mat?  Do I need blocks?  Or are they called bricks?  What is a Yoga belt?  Is that required? 

All of my research led me to this:  I still don't fucking know.  I thought Yoga was supposed to be relaxing?!?!?  This is just stressful.  Wuh. 

So, I finally decided I liked the guy Rodney Yee.  AND he just so happens to have a Yoga video designed strictly for athletes - with specific segments just for runners.   BINGO BANGO.  Just what I need.  Maybe he'll fix my damn legs so I can keep attempting the running thing.  I had all of Friday evening planned out - including stopping at the store to get my DVD and a Yoga mat.  I figured the rest could wait to see if I really need them.  Then I could do W3D2 on Saturday, maybe W3D3 on Sunday, and be caught up by today...  Yep, everything was perfect, until my migraine hit, and I felt like I got nailed in the side of the head with a brick. 

I ended up on the couch, not eating dinner, and going to bed early.  Saturday, Matt let me sleep in a bit.  When I did finally roll out of bed, I took all of about 3 steps, and the room started spinning.  I eased my way to the couch and sat down.  Still spinning.  Matt thought maybe my blood sugar was low, so he brought me a fudge bar.  Then an apple with some peanut butter.  Still spinning. 

I have never been that dizzy in my entire life.  Matt wanted me to go to the ER, but I opted for some Dramamine instead.  It knocked me out, and I was back asleep.  He woke me up at 4 in the afternoon.  I had slept 17 of the last 19 hours.  We had plans that night for his sister's birthday.  I thought I was feeling better, so I decided to go.  I was wrong.  The dizziness did not stop.  I spent my time in the car laying down, my time at dinner staring at one particular spot on the wall - trying to make the room stand still, and my time at the casino sitting on the side of a slot machine. 

I took more Dramamine when we got home.  I slept until noon the next day.  I woke up, took more medicine, and this time, slept until 5:30.  Last night, it came and went.  There were times that I felt fine, and times where I needed to either sit or lay down.  After talking to a few people, I honestly think I just have an inner ear infection.  I've only had 1 or 2 spells today - NOTHING like this weekend.  If it gets worse, or doesn't clear up in a few days, then I'll go to the doctor. 

What this means for my workouts - I don't know.  I AM going to the gym tonight.  I AM going to try W3D2.  But I am going to have to be very careful.  If for one second I get dizzy, I'm calling it quits.  A moving floor + a spinning room = disaster.  I know I may be better off to just wait, but I can't.  I know me.  If I don't get back today - going tomorrow will be even harder.  I HAVE to stay on a routine, or I fall off the wagon way too easily.  Plus, I am pissed.  I am a FULL week behind on my workouts now.  I should be starting W4D1 today, and instead I will only be attempting W3D2.  It's discouraging. 

Plus - when I have downtime like this, it gets me thinking, and doubting myself.  3 times last week - THREE TIMES - I either read or was told that someone that weighs as much as I do shouldn't be running.  That until I get into a "normal" weight range, I am doing more harm than good.  That for right now, I should only be walking, not jogging.  That I am doing irreversable damage to my joints.  And that my weight is the reason my muscles hurt so bad.  That instead of my normal 222 pounds of pressure I normally put on my knees and ankles, it feels like 666 pounds to my joints.  It is going to take me a LONG time to get to "normal".  Right now, at 222 pounds, I am in the "Obese" category.  I am no where near "normal". 

Then there's the weight lifting.  Or should I say, lack there of.  I haven't been lifting.  Its not that I don't want to - because I do.  I enjoy lifting weights.  It's just that I ususally don't have time to do both when I go to the gym.  And with my little amout of time, I usually opt - okay - always opt for C25k, because I've made this stupid committment to myself to actually finish this program this time. 

I get so frustrated, and so upset, and so confused, that I just want to quit!.  I really do.  Like - really, really, want to quit.  But the skinny person inside of me is SCREAMING at the top of her lungs.  If I hadn't quit this time last year - i'd already be there.  That a year from now, I'll wish I hadn't of quit... again.  So how do I stay on track?  How do I continue without injuring myself, or feeling like a quitter?

So now, I am left with a choice.  Do I stop putting this ridiculous amount of pressure on myself about C25K, and try something else?  Do I start walking and make lifting weights a priority?  I am honestly at a crossroads right now.  I don't know which way to go. 

C25K W3D1...

I have sat here staring at a blinking cursor for the last 15 minutes, trying to think of a way to accurately describe what happened to me at the gym last night. The only way I can think to do that is to just type down the dialog that occurred in my head for a little more than 30 minutes last night. This should be interesting.  And Long.   

I feel that I need to build you up to the craziness of my thought process. So I will start by saying this: I was scared. As you all know by now, I have been having a lot of issues with cramping in my legs. I got through the Monday workout no problem, but this was now W3D1. Whole different ball game. I knew that this week stepped up with workouts, but I couldn't remember the details. So I refreshed my memory by previewing the workout. 5 minute warmup, 90 seconds of running, 90 seconds of walking, 3 minutes of running, 3 minutes of walking. Rinse and repeat.

HOLY FUCK. 3 MINUTES OF RUNNING? No 30 second step up intervals? We're just gonna double what I've done the last three workouts? Sounds PERFECT. On top of that, I was nervous because I skipped my workout on Wednesday - with good reason, I promise. In addition to getting 7 inches of snow on Tuesday night, I figured out what was going on with my head the last few days. On Sunday while doing my super marathon cleaning spree and pirate cake baking extravaganza - I CRACKED my head on the dryer door, leaving an obnoxious lump on the top of my skull. When I randomly mentioned this to my mom, who was a nurse for 47 years, she proceeded to tell me that what I thought was a migraine, was probably a concussion. All the symptoms are pretty much the same. Headache, fatigue, sensitivity to light and sound... And for those of you that have had a concussion before - you're not supposed to workout when you have one. I was advised by my nurse that I was not allowed to workout until I had been symptom free for 24 hours. So I took my snow day literally - I never got out of my jammies, and never got off my couch.

Enter last night's workout. I got to the gym around 8pm. Cue inner dialog - and ACTION!!!

Jesus Christ, this place is a ghost town!

Except for creepy old guy that always stares at me.
Just get in the locker room, maybe he'll be gone by the time you come out.
Put my stuff in my locker, grab water bottle, iPhone and headphones.
Stop and take picture in mirror.

Ugh, I hate the lighting in here! I'll do it at the mirrors in front of the weights.
Ew - creepy guy still staring at me.
Walk fast to the ladies only area.
Fuck - this place is empty!
Am I the only one here?  Sweet - don't have to feel weird about taking pictures of myself in front of the mirror. 

Ugh the lighting in here sucks too! 
And what is that crazy handprint on the mirror?
Should I suck in my stomach on the side shot? 
No.  Need to see what others see. 

Awesome.  I only look 5 months pregnant instead of 6. 

Fast forward through the 10 minutes of stretching. 

Fuuuuuucccccck.  Workout Barbie is on my lucky treadmill.  God I hate her. 
Pick the treadmill farthest away from treadmill-stealer.
Start the treadmill. No incline - tonight is going to be hard enough.
Set walking pace to 3.2.
Headphones in, playlist on shuffle, and GO.
What in the hell is Workout Barbie wearing?
Oh. My. GOD. Her hair and makeup is done.
What in the hell is she watching? VH1's 100 sexiest artists of all time.
Eh, this maybe good - having to stare at sexy bodies for the next 28.5 minutes could be motivating. Jack White? What the fuck is sexy about him? He looks like a sweaty crack fiend.
Oooooohhhh - I like the beat of this song! Turning up the speed to match the beat.
JEWEL? I don't get that one either!
And we're running.
90 seconds - I got this. I do it all the time.
Hows the leg? Feels fine.
Concentrate on breathing.... gonna need it later.
In...2....3.....4.... Out....2....3....4.... In...2...3...4...
Why am I watching Lil' Kim smack her own crotch?
And now, Diana Ross is feeling her up.
10 seconds left.... Walking.
See? That wasn't so bad.
Nope, but in another 90 seconds we're going to double that.
No big deal - I've done it before I can do it again.
Yeah, except you quit last time.
Week 5 is only two weeks away.
Okay - right calf is getting a little tight.
Don't think about it.
My mouth is dry.
Damnnit, I forgot my gum.
Take a quick drink.
And we're running.
In...2....3.....4.... Out....2....3....4....
Trey Songz can't be his real name.
I wish I knew what the comedians were saying.
In...2....3.....4.... Out....2....3....4....
Damn, I am kicking ass on this!
I thought I'd really struggle with 3 mintues!!
Time check... 1:52 LEFT?!?!?!
I've only been running for a minute!
I still have two minutes to go.
I'm never going to make it.
Don't look at the timer.
Just run until you hear her.
1:29 left?
OMG. 
Longest 3 minutes of my life.
My leg hurts. That's a new spot...
The side of my leg? 
That can't be good.
Breathings not right...
In...2....3.....4.... Out....2....3....4....
Only 52 seconds left. 
I can do 52 seconds.
43 seconds. ...2...3...4...
Really? Faith Hill? 
Yeah, I can see that.
30 seconds... 
I CAN go 30 more seconds.
Why am I looking at the timer? 
I said no looking at the timer!!!
Why is she in a desert?
9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1.... WALK!!!!!
My legs are going to fall off.
Why the side of my leg? 
That's new. 
Really hurts.
Maybe I should stretch.
Straddle the treadmill.
Oh, ohhh, ohhhhh... That hurts.
It's okay.
Pain is fat leaving the body.
Pain is fat leaving the body.
This is a good hurt, not a bad hurt.
Who cares what kind of hurt it is? 
It FUCKING HURTS!!!
Gotta walk. And back on.
Still tight.
Don't push too hard.
Maybe I should quit.
I really have to pee.
I could just stop halfway and take a bathroom break. 
Who am I kidding. I'd never come back and finish.
No. PUSH THROUGH.
20 seconds?!?!
Why does the walking always go so much quicker???
Fuck Fuck fucking fuck.
Okay. Only 90 seconds this time.
I can do that.
Then after this interval - it's already half way done.
4 1/2 minutes. 
4 1/2 minutes of running, and it's over.
I can do 4 1/2 minutes.
I wonder what my running on a treadmill sounds like to people without headphones?
Herd of elephants maybe?
Ha! Imagine an elephant on a treadmill.
Why is she looking at me like that?
Please God, is this over? 12 seconds...

I can't breathe! In...2....3.....4.... Out....2....3....4.... In...2...3...4...
What is wrong with my leg?!?!?!
There is no way I can finish this workout.

There is no way I can run for another 3 minutes.

FINALLY!!!
90 seconds walking.

My leg is seriously going to fall the fuck off.

I have to stretch.

Its so hard to stretch on a treadmill.

I can't stretch it the way I need to up here!

Who designs these torture devices anyway?!?!?

OH, thank god. Workout Barbie is leaving.

How in holy fuck do I only have 8 seconds left?

Walking.

Walking.

Last one.

I can do this.

GO!!!

Don't look at the clock.

Dont look at the clock.

Oh, I hate this song.

Really. Hard. Tochange. Songs. While. Running.

Ooooohhhh - PERFECT!!!

Breathe....

In...2....3.....4.... Out....2....3....4.... In...2...3...4....

Shoot me down. I won't fall. I am TITANIUM!!!!

Nope. Jello. I am Jello.

I can't do this. I have to stop.

2 minutes left.

2 minutes.

Water.

Need water.

"I'm so proud of you!!!"

"Aug 160 Get it skinny!!!"

Love that water bottle.

Can't drink.

Probably spill it everywhere and electrocute myself.

1:45 left.

Wedding Dress.

Wedding Dress.

Wedding Dress.

I need a picture of me in my wedding dress for moments just like this.

I'm not doing the cool down.

I think my legs are going to give out.

I'll finish the 3 minutes walking, but not the cool down.

Please don't let my legs give out.

I can't afford to repair the drywall.

Why did I pick the treadmill in the corner.

Now I'm going to have to replace 2 walls when I fall.

WHY DOES THE SIDE OF MY LEG HURT?!?!?!

In...2....3.....4.... Out....2....3....4.... In...2...3...4....

1 minute. I can do one minute!

I'm almost done!

Holy Shit!!

In...2....3.....4.... Out....2....3....4.... In...2...3...4...

BONO? Really? That must be a different generation thing.

I REALLY don't get that one.

Who the hell else did I miss?

15 seconds!!!

Finger on the speed button...

I can't believe it.

I did it!

Why am I smiling like an idiot.

God I hope they don't have cameras back here.

The entire staff is probably gathered around the front desk watching, laughing, and pointing at this FatGirl.

They don't know I've already lost 63 pounds.

WALK!!!

Walk?

I can't walk.

I have to stretch.

Stretching doesn't work on a treadmill!

God I can't wait to get off this thing.

I can't believe I did it.

No cheating.

No slowing down.

Worked through the pain.

Still working through the pain.

Fat leaving the body.

Fat leaving the body.

TLC? As a group?

How is a group a sexiest person???

I know that video.

Don't go chasing waterfalls.... Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to....

Never understood that video.

Why are they dancing in the water.

Can't believe Left Eye is dead. She was one crazy bitch.

Can't remember that one's name, but she was the prettiest.

"You may begin your cool down..."

Time to quit...

NO!!!

NO god damnnit!

It's only 5 minutes.

5 more minutes gets me that much closer to my goal.

5 more minutes means I didn't give up.

5 more minutes, and you beat it, it didn't beat you!

Keep going.

Fine, but I have to slow down. 2.5.

Ahhhh... Better.

Now it feels too slow.

Back up to 2.9.

Maybe 2.7.

Fuck. 2.5.

Grandma Orange shoes is here.

She always does the elliptical. 7?

She set it to resistance 7!

Grandma Orange shoes is a beast!!!

And she looks better than me.

Wait... The wheel is in the front...

Is that an Arc Trainer?!?!

Have I seriously been staring at the Arc Trainer every damn day I've been here?

That's what Christy said right?

Look for the wheel in the front?

I'm going to have to Google that picture again...

I can't believe that. It's been here the whole time.

I can NOT wait to stretch. My fucking legs HUuuuuurrrrrttttt!!!

"You're workout is complete!"

Yay!!! I did it!!!

Take picture of the screen!!!

Wait - 28 minutes?

Why 28 minutes? It should be 30!

Did the time pause when I straddled the machine to stretch?

WTF is that shit?!?!?! God damn it!!!

Two more minutes. I can do two more minutes.

My legs feel like Jello for real.

God I hope I don't collapse when I get off this thing.

Just like in Bridgette Jones Diary.

Step one foot off. Leg gives out. BAM!!! On the floor.

My legs are literally Jello.

Two tree trunk resembling, trembling Jello molds.

In Lime.

Why do I immediately think of Lime?

I don't even like lime Jello.

6 seconds!!!! 5....4....3....2....1....!!!!!

Take the picture!!! 

 

 

Yaya!!! If I thought my legs would take it, i'd SOOOO do a happy dance right now.

Just don't fall down. Don't let Grandma see you fall....

I took a good 10-15 minutes to stretch afterwards. I did every leg stretch I could think of. They were still tingling by the time I got home. And I can definitely feel it today - but it's the GOOD feel it. I feel GOOD today. I am definitely taking my rest day today. I can tell my body needs it. Maybe some Yoga tonight... But no running and no lifting. Gotta prepare for W3D2.

And this, has been 30 minutes and 4 seconds inside my head.  -FatGirl 

Weigh in Day!!!

It's a day late, but it's been another good week!!!  We got 7 inches of snow Tuesday night, and work and school were closed yesterday, so I didn't get to my scale until this morning.  To be honest, I was a little nervous about the weigh in this week.  I haven't been eating right.  It's not that I have been cheating, I just don't think I've eaten enough...  I am having a tough time getting to that 2000 calorie mark.  This past week I have been focused on just meeting somewhere between BMR and TDEE - and even that has been a struggle.  I also got off my workout schedule there for a few days, and didn't work out yesterday.   

I was happily surprised when I saw the number on the scale.  I fully expected to maybe lose a half of a pound, maybe even be the same as last week.  But noooooooo....  2.2 pounds, 4.25 inches, and 1.5% BF - GONE!    YAY!  I didn't have any huge losses in any one particular area.  1/2 inch here, 1/2 inch there, and I'm happy with that!  Everything is getting smaller, little by little, and that's what I want to happen.  Progress.  Slow and steady wins the race, right?

I would have to lose 6.6 pounds this week to get caught up to where I wanted to be by now.  That sucks - because I know i'm about 3 weeks behind where I want to be, but I'll take it.  Losing a little more than 2 pounds each week will catch me up  - eventually.  So for now, the number is still purple.  But I'll take it!  :)

Here is a reminder of my goals:

• I will weigh in, and report my weight at LEAST once a week, maybe more.
• I will get to the gym (or workout at home) 4 times each week.
• I will cut out the unnecessary sugary drinks, and get back to drinking water.
• I will update the below chart after each week's weigh-in. If I meet the goal listed, the date will be changed to blue. If I miss it - it will be red. If I meet my 2 lb per week goal, but miss the "goal weight", it will stay purple (blue and red makes what???). Hopefully, by the end of this, there will be more blues and purples than reds. :)

Today's weigh-in: 222.6
01/28/13: 228.0
02/04/13: 226.0 228.0
02/11/13: 224.0 227.8
02/18/13: 222.0 227.6
02/27/13: 220.0 224.8 HA!!!! PURPLE!!! IT'S NOT RED!!!!!
03/06/13: 218.0 222.6
03/13/13: 216.0
03/20/13: 214.0
03/27/13: 212.0
04/03/13: 210.0
04/10/13: 208.0
04/17/13: 206.0
04/24/13: 204.0
05/01/13: 202.0
05/08/13: 200.0
05/15/13: 198.0
05/22/13: 196.0
05/29/13: 194.0
06/05/13: 192.0
06/12/13: 190.0
06/19/13: 188.0
06/26/13: 186.0
07/03/13: 184.0
07/10/13: 182.0
07/17/13: 180.0
07/24/13: 178.0
07/31/13: 176.0
08/07/13: 174.0
08/14/13: 172.0
08/21/13: 170.0
08/28/13: 168.0
08/31/13: My Wedding Day!!! Goal: 165.00

C25K W2D3....

Sorry I have not updated in a few days.... It has been crazy around here!!! When I left you last time, I was Skippy McSkipperson, and blew off my workout on Wednesday night. I stayed true to my word, and went to the gym Thursday night. I completed the W2D2 workout, but still with MAJOR cramping. I made sure that I drank a ton of water that day - so I don't know what the tell is going on with my legs.  I promised myself that night that I would start taking a potassium supplement. That never happened.

Friday I had a food tasting at the reception hall Matt and I chose for our wedding. I had a bite of everything - and have NO idea how many calories I ate - but I know I had to have been under for the day. I had to stop at the store on the way home to pick up my birthday boy's bicycle. By the time I got to the house it was 8:00. I spent the next 2 1/2 hours making clues, and baking pirate paper, not to mention drawing one bad-ass treasure map. (I don't know why this is sideways... it won't let me turn it.)

 

 

 

Saturday I spent cleaning. And I literally meant I spent the whole day cleaning! It is hard to keep things clean with two kids and two shedding, muddy paw'd dogs running around. I had to clean the same rooms over, and over, and over again. I finally called in Grandma. She came and picked the kids up. I locked the dogs in the crate, and about 20 minutes later, the house was clean. About 5 minutes after I finished, I had to get ready. We went to a hockey game Saturday night for our friend's birthday. It was not all the beer and food I had expected, so I finished Saturday with about 6 hours of cleaning, several laps around US Bank arena, and about -400 calories. NOT GOOD.

Sunday I spent decorating, and baking the craziest cake I have ever attempted - a pirate ship - decked out with pretzel railings and candle cannons.... Because I had been so far in the hole the day before, I allowed myself to lick the spoon, sample the cake and taste the icing. I also enjoyed the pizza when it came, and even had a caffeine free Pepsi. And you know what? I still came in negative for Sunday - by a LOT. Nathan loved his treasure hunt for his bicycle, and everyone loved his cake. I wouldn't know. I didn't actually have a piece of it.

 

 

By the time yesterday rolled around, I was sleep deprived, exhausted, hungry, and had a migraine from hell. I fought it all day long, but by the time I got home from work, I just couldn't take it anymore. Luckily, my Knight in Shining Armor was there. At first, he tried to make me go to the gym. He said that if I didn't do it then, that I wouldn't do it later. That it would make me feel better. He has never had a migraine. I told him that I really needed to lay down. It was hurting so bad I was starting to get sick. He told me to go get in my jammies, and come lay on the couch. He had me lay my head in his lap, and he rubbed my head until I fell asleep.

When I woke up, it was 7:30, and Matt was not in the house. My head still hurt. I immediately went and put on my gym clothes. I walked out in the garage to see if my car was still there, or if Matt had taken it. He was sitting in the garage working on something. He about fell over when he saw me dressed and ready for the gym. He could tell my head was still banging, and he asked me why I was going. I figured a nap didn't help, maybe exercise would.

When I got to the gym - I really wasn't feeling it. I was tired, and groggy, and the lights were soooo bright. I decided to really stretch out. I took my time, and probably spent 10 or 15 minutes stretching. I think I was really talking myself into going home. The lights were killing me. I was out of there. I couldn't handle this. On my way back to the locker room, I passed the cardio room. I had never used it before, and that was about to change. It was dark. They play movies in there, so all the lights are off so everyone can see the screen. I turned my headphones on, and kept my head down. I can't even tell you what movie was playing. But I did it. I made it the full 30 minutes, with hardly any cramping. I tried to run a bit faster than I have been, but left the incline off this time. I ran at 4.9 for the first five running intervals, and finished the last one at 5.5. I was pretty proud.

I took my time stretching out afterwards too. I stayed in the dark cardio theatre until I mustered up the nerve to walk out into the light. My head still hurt. I felt better than I did when I got there, and the lights were tolerable now - but the migraine had not given up. I hoped that maybe after eating something, it would let up a little more. No such luck. I went to bed with a migraine last night, and woke up with one this morning. Needless to say, I am looking forward to laying down for a bit when I get home from work. It is my scheduled off day, so if I wake up and it still hurts, I'm giving it a break tonight.

Tomorrow, it's on to C25K W3D1. I hope I'm ready for this, and that my head feels better, and my legs don't cramp up on me. Fingers crossed kids....

 

Here are the progress pics from last night.  I am starting to see it from the front.  Sometimes from the front I think I actually look slim.  Then I turn sideways, and FatGirl reveals herself.  Every.  Damn.  Time.