This is gonna be long....

Well – Tomorrow is supposed to be Day 1, Level 3 of the 30DS.  Really?  I only did 2 days of Level 2.  I partially feel guilty about this, and partially don’t.  I feel bad because I made a commitment to complete this program.  And I feel like I have failed at that.  With everything that has gone on in the last week, and the skip days I had taken prior to this past week, I have officially had more skip days than days that I worked out.  Now, If I do all 10 days of Level 3 – those scales will reverse, and I will have worked out more than I skipped.  Many people that I have spoken to about this have told me that I had set an unreasonable goal.  That asking myself to go from a COMPLETELY sedentary lifestyle to working out 7 days a week for 7 weeks was a bit demanding.  Maybe it was, but I don’t think that wanting to be that active is bad, or that setting high goals for myself is bad.  I am proud of myself for working out as much as I did.  And I  am not done yet.  I plan on completing the next 10 days of Level 3.  I still plan on weighing in on Easter, and updating my measurements, and posting the “after” pictures. 

And then I have a new plan.  It’s kind of a 2 part plan, actually. 

I made a new plan for various reasons.  1.) I need a change.  I need to get out of my living room, and away from the TV.  2.)  The weather is changing.  It’s hard to stay inside and work out, when it is soooo pretty outside.  3.)  The new plan involves something that I have ALWAYS wanted to do, but have never been able too.  4.)  It will allow more flexibility in my workout schedule.  5.)  This will benefit more than just myself.

I will begin the C25K program on Monday, April 9^th.  For those of you that don’t know what this is, it is the Couch to 5K running program.  It is a training program that is specifically designed for couch potatoes.  It is a 12 week program that gets you up of the couch in Week 1 to running a 5K (3 miles) in Week 12.  The great part is that it is only 3 days per week.  Walking/Jogging/Running outside will allow me so much more time to try to get my workout in – which was one of my biggest obstacles with the 30DS.   I can do it in the mornings (doubtful, but it IS an option).  I can do it when I get home from work, or in the evenings, or hell, even at night after the kids go to bed.  I have always wanted to participate in a race downtown.  I have thought about the Heart Mini, and the Run Like Hell at Halloween time.  I have been seeing the advertisements for the Tap ‘N Run 4K – but that’s on May 19^th.  I’d only be on week 6.  Regardless, there are so many races I could do!  I just want to do it once, and say that I completed it!!!  And about benefiting more than myself… Harley girl is taking this journey with me.  When I was on the C25K website looking at the training schedule, I noticed the Pooch to 5K link.  They had a special training program for those people that wanted to run with their dogs.  Harley is getting older, and has calmed down quite a bit, but she certainly does not get enough exercise.  We never walk her.  Maybe once a month.  She LOVES to run!  Last summer, we would ride around the neighborhood on the golf cart, and Harley would run along the side of us!  She usually out-ran us, actually!  So, I thought this would be absolutely perfect.  I will ALWAYS have a training partner.  There will NEVER be a day that Harley says “Mama, I don’t wanna run today!”  She will start getting the exercise that she needs, and it will be such good bonding time for us.  I know that she has been put on the back burner since we brought Lexi home.  This will give her and I some special time together. 

 The 2^nd part of the new plan involves strength training.  I am picking up my copy of New Rules of Lifting for Women tonight at the Library.  I need to really start focusing on my strength training.  Once I finally do lose all this weight, I want to make sure that I am toned.  Thin and flabby is not the look I am going for here.  I want some definition.  I want muscles.   The thing is, I am not sure that I will be able to get the results I want at home.  I only have 3 and 5 pound weights.  I can’t do pull ups, or chin ups, or half of the exercises I would need to accomplish what I want to accomplish.  Plus, I don’t know what I need to be doing.  I don’t know what exercises to do, or how to do them.  So much of lifting weights is about your form, and I almost feel like I need a few sessions with a personal trainer.  Which means I need to join a gym.  Here’s the problem with that.    I’m not sure a gym membership is in our budget.  I did find a 30 day free trial at Premier Fitness.  Maybe if I can use that – and really go 3-4 times a week, I can justify the expense to Matt when it comes time to actually start paying for it. 

I know this was long today – but I am excited, and needed to put it down on paper. 

UPDATE:  I just called Premier, and I am going to tour the facility tonight!  On the down side, I talked to Matt right afterward, because I was so excited.  He already seems skeptical.  I don’t think he understands why I want and need to do this.  It is already hard enough to try to do this at home.  He is very supportive of what I am trying to do.  He brings me up when I am down.  He asks me if I really need that second helping.  He motivates me to work out when I don’t feel like it.  But I want to do more, and I already feel guilty for wanting to join a gym.  Why do I feel guilty for wanting to spend money on something that can help me change my life?  #FRUSTRATED

The more and more I think about this, the more discouraged I am.  I called and cancelled the fucking appointment.  I am ready to quit.  I don't want to do this anymore.  It shouldn't be this fucking hard all the damn time!  I shouldn't feel like shit for wanting to eat right and work out!  If I wanted to feel like shit all the damn time, I would just stay fucking fat!

There we go.  Question answered, problem solved.