My head, or my scale?

I know it seems like I have fallen off the wagon – as I have not been posting here much.  Rest assured, Fat Girl followers, I am still here.  It just *feels* like I have fallen off the wagon.  This has not been a good week, week and a half.  Whatever. 

I had yet another sinus infection.  But – I didn’t go to the Dr. until FRIDAY – so I am STILL on antibiotics.  I am finally feeling a bit better though.  So – with being sick, I haven’t really eaten the way I have been.  Some days – I didn’t eat at all.  One night – I didn’t eat all day, and after 9 I felt a whole lot better, so I basically binged.   But I binged on healthy food.  I joined that damn gym.  I have been every other day – except for Friday.  I went Saturday instead.  I was feeling pretty good about the weigh in Saturday. 

Now – before I expose the dirty, awful results for what they are – let me explain a bit about what NROLFW is – and what has changed in these last 10 days.  The New Rules of Lifting for Women – or NROLFW – is a book that I found during my quest for knowledge about my body, and about weight loss.  For those of you that really know me – I am a research ADDICT.  If I find something that I am interested in, I will find and learn everything I can about the topic, until I believe I am an expert in said subject.  My weight loss journey has been no exception. 

I found NROLFW because I was pissed at the fad diets.  I had been doing low fat, low cal, AND watching my carbs.  I was doing the 30DS.  I was not seeing the results that I wanted.  Everyone is dieting, and everyone’s diet is the best.  Atkins, Weight Watchers, South Beach, P90x, Insanity, Zumba,  walk – don’t run, Run – don’t walk, Fruit Flushes, Detox programs, Diet pills, ARRGGHHHH!  It’s exhausting!  I came across the idea of eating more to lose more somewhere on the research trail. 

Is this possible?  You mean, I am actually allowed to eat while on a diet?!?!  I had never heard of such a thing!  I had always been taught that in order to lose weight – you eat less and move more.  I had been doing that.  And it wasn’t working.  And this “theory” explained why.  Without going into all the details – because I am sure no one will find it as interesting as I do – I will give you the basic gist of it.  For my age and my height, I need X number of calories just to function – breath, sleep, digest food, blink, etc.  My X was around 1450.  I was on a 1200 calorie diet – 250 BELOW what my body needs to function.  Then I throw in exercise, and cleaning, and walking and all the other things I do every day that burns calories – Let’s just ball park it and say 400 calories.  I was “netting” about 700 calories a day.  I was LITERALLY starving myself. 

What does your body do when it thinks it’s starving?  Holds on to every damn fat cell you have.  That’s why it wasn’t working for me!  I was not giving my body enough fuel for it to function properly.  Sure – you can lose weight this way – but to me, it’s not the healthy way to do it.  The more research I did, the more evidence I found that this was more than just a theory – the rantings of a mad man.  There were NUMEROUS websites, medical journals, books – all pointing to this same theory.  Eat more to lose more.  Back off the Cardio – start lifting weights.  And I did.  I started bumping my calories up weekly.  I quit Jillian, and started lifting.  I am feeling great about myself, and my progress, and then I get on the scale.  BAM.  GAINED 6 FUCKING POUNDS IN A WEEK.  That’s right kids.  In just 7 days I gained six pounds. 

Now – I was warned this was going to happen.  It takes time for your body to get used to all this excess “fuel”.  And until it figures out what in the hell is going on – it holds on to that fuel in case my body starts “starving” again.  Not to mention – the amount of water your body retains when lifting weights.  Apparently, water is some almighty lubricant that your muscles need to repair themselves after you decide you want to be a body builder.  Who knew?

So now I am in Limbo.  My head is telling me to stick this out.  I have done my research.  I know why this works, and why the fad diets don’t.  But – my scale is telling me to STARVE, STARVE, STARVE!!!  I am freaking out about this gain.  I was SO close to my next little mini-goal (getting out of the obese category), and now I see it getting farther and farther away.  Pound by pound.  I am trying to hold strong and wait for the day that number on the scale starts to magically fall.  I should mention that over the weekend, I drank 9 beers, had a footlong Subway sandwich (over the course of two meals), a nutty bar, a Mountain Dew (all of the above, I was blacked out drunk for) and a Reeses egg yesterday for Easter.  Now – All of those things, added up, do not equal 6 POUNDS – or 21,000.00 Calories.  It just doesn’t.  So I know its water.  And it’s my muscles.  And it’s my body freaking out.  But I am frustrated.  I don’t know how long to ride this out for.  How far do I allow myself to back track, before I say that this was a mistake? 

I am disgusted with my progress since February 22.  I am not even posting – because it’s a waste of your time and mine.  NO CHANGES.  So here I stand – fat, bloated and miserable on April 8^th, 2012.  Today begins the next 6 weeks.  Each Stage of the NROLFW is 6 weeks long.  I will be weighing in each Friday.  I am not going to measure anything else until I have completed Stage One.  I’ve already got one week down, so I will measure again in 5 weeks.  In the meantime, I will be starting the C25K program with Madie and Harley tonight when I get back from lifting. 

Hopefully, the next time I post, I will have better news for you guys.  Until then….

The “I’m fatter than I was last week” Fat Girl.