Hello? **cricket**cricket**

So I think I am the only one who reads this anymore. But oh well, it's keeping me on track. I have not been able to work out on Monday or Tuesday because of this kidney stone. I still have not passed it, so I don't think I am going to be able to workout until I pass this thing. I have still been watching what I eat though, and I jumped on the scale this am and weighed 216. That means 2 more lbs, and I have met my monthly goal. (I want to lose 10 lbs per month. Slow and steady wins the race, right?) Now, if I can just keep my emotions under control...

These last few days have been a rollercoaster. Boo.

REALLY?

Honestly ladies, this is going to be short. I did not have to work out this weekend after I finished my 20 minutes on Friday. I ate good all weekend. I have not weighed in yet today. I am not sure if I will be able to workout tonight. My back has been bothering me since Saturday - and I am not sure if I pulled something, or if this is another stone. At first, I thought I had just pulled something, because it did not feel like my stones had before. But now, the pain has moved from the center of my back to my lower right side. I am peeing more often, and even though I am drinking the right amount of water, my urine is still discolored, so I am starting to think it's blood. I am at work today with pain medicine for my back, a percocet just in case, and a heating pad. Not sure how long I will last.

So, it's 11:28. I took the percocet about an hour ago, and it's not working. The pain is completely in my lower back on the right side. Hello kidney stone. I feel like I am giving birth. I hate my body.

Who woulda thunk it?

So here is my last little entry for the week. I love these DVDs the more and more I do these workouts. They really are fun. Once you get past the feeling silly part. :O) I have actually caught myself a few times like "oooooh! I like the part thats coming up!" I know. I am a nerd. But i'm a cool nerd right?

For those of you who saw my FB post last night, I wasn't kidding. That really did hurt. The 20 minute thing was fine, but THOSE ABS!!! OH. MY. GOD. Chalene Johnson (the creator of Turbo) is like Hitler for your abs. I think she is trying to kill me. So, like I said last night, if I am not in the best shape of my life at the end of this... That skinny little barbie is going down.

Tonight, I only have to do the 20 min workout, and then off for the weekend. Next Monday is weigh in day again, and I am actually looking forward to getting on the scale, and see if this is paying off. I never thought I would say that in my whole life. So something in my head must already be clicking. :O)

It's Turbo Alright....

OH. MY. GOD.

I am not a fan of the 45 minute Cardio routine I had to do last night. Yet. It is very high paced (Hence why this is the cardio one). They throw these new moves at you in each video, and just jump right into it like I am a mind reader and know what's about to happen. Then I get all confused, and sometimes just end up standing there staring at the TV trying to figure out how to mimic what they are doing. Then, by the time, I have caught up, they have moved on to something else. And I can't seem to do anything starting with my left hand or foot.

But I did it. I did the whole thing. Then I made Matt and the kids dinner and cleaned up while my dinner cooked. I had 1 portion of baked chicken, whole grain rice, and peaches. It was super yummy. And, since Matt and the kids don't eat baked chicken, I have a bunch left over for lunches and dinners this week. Like today. For lunch, I brought in a 6 in whole grain tortilla, romaine lettuce, some of the chicken, and light Caesar dressing. I'm excited for lunch. :O)

I actually drank all of the water I was supposed to yesterday too! I drank about 84oz. Holy hell. I was peeing like, every 20 minutes on the dot. This water thing is good, because I know it cleanses your system, and promotes good health, and allows your muscles and digestive system to do their jobs correctly, but it's hard. I usually drink a lot of water anyway, but actually keeping track was the hard part. I don't think I have been drinking nearly enough in the past. You are supposed to drink between 6 and 8 12 ounce glasses of water a day. And it should be ice cold, because it takes more calories to warm the water up to the temp your body needs to use it. So I keep 5 20oz bottles in the fridge here at work. I try to drink as much as I can during the day. And then, whatever I drink at night - working out, dinner, etc. - is extra. Yay me!

Tonight, I am back to the 20 min/ab jam workouts. Which is scary, because my abs still hurt from Tuesday. LOL. It's all gonna be worth it and pay off in the end. Oh, and I have adjusted my goal weight since I found out I was about 20 lbs less than I thought. New goal is 150. Which means I have to lose more, but I already have a jump start on it. I am at 218 as of this morning, so that means 68 pounds to go. I CAN do this. :O)

That's - That's shocking!

I was so proud of myself when I got home. I had a horrible day, and all I wanted to do was go home and sleep until the kids got there. But I made myself do it. I worked out when I got off of work. And not just my regular workout. It was the first night for two videos. 20 Minute Turbo Jam, and AB Jam. The Turbo is getting better. I can keep up and I actually have fun doing it. Ab jam kicked my abs. OH MY HOLY HELL. I have never seen some of the stuff those people are able to do with their abs. It's 20 minutes long, and after about 3 minutes, I was starting to think, are we almost done? I really struggled with that. But I am just starting so I am sure it will get better and easier. I know it worked though, because my abs hurt if I cough or sneeze. :O) Tonight, I move to the 45 minute Cardio Party. It sounds like fun, but I think it's gonna hurt. Then back to 20 Min/AB Jam tomorrow. What I love about working out is the energy that I gain from it. I was so tired when I got home, and after jumping around and punching and kicking for 40 minutes, I was ready to go.

When I got done last night I went to the grocery. I made a shopping list before I went for all of the things I wanted to get so I would stay focused while I was there. I bought all kinds of good foods. Fresh fruits and veggies. Whole grain breads, rice and pasta. Low fat and no fat cheeses and milk. I bought lots of proteins to pack for lunches at work - like tuna and chicken. I think that's why I have been getting so tired. I have not been eating the right things at the right time. I need that protein to boost me in the middle of the day.

Last night for dinner, Matt had Pizza, and bugels. I had a Chicken salad sandwich (using the recipe in my Turbo Jam book), pretzels, and a thing of string cheese with yogurt for dessert. It was yummy. And just the right amount. I wasn't stuffed, but I wasn't hungry either. :O)

I like the way this is going. I really think I can keep this up. :O)

Check, check, 1?

Today is the first time to check in on my stats and see if I am improving at all. It's not much... but it's an improvement!

Weight: 224.2

221.4

Height: 5'10

Chest: 46.5

45.0

Waist: 46.0

43.5

Hips: 49.0

48.0

Thighs: 25.5

25.0

Arms: 13.0

So... I lost 2.8 lbs. I stayed the same height. I lost in 1.5 inches around my boobs. Let me tell ya, not really happy about that one. I lost 2.5 inches around my waist. I lost 1.0 inch on my hips, and a 1/2 inch around each of my thighs. My arms stayed the same. So in 10 days, I lost 2.8 lbs and 5.5 inches total. It's not as much as I would like, but, I am happy none the less. I am headed towards where I want to go. I did just notice that this measurement tracker card that comes with Turbo Jam says I should have done this on workout 10, not day 10. Sooo... maybe it will change some more!

Last night was hard. Matt's birthday dinner: Salad, good. Spaghetti bake, bad. Pizza, bad. Wings, bad. Seared Chicken, okay, but still not great. Oh, and don't forget the cake and icecream. I had a very small portion of everything, but got lots of salad. I skipped the cake and ice cream. Dana did catch me getting one tiny little bite of cake, and yelled at me. Thank you Dana. That is what I asked for, and what I needed.

The thing is, I am starting to get worried. I have been on this for 10 days, and I have had salad almost every day. I have been eating fruits and veggies every day - and all of these things are supposed to be good for you. But I have kidney issues. And guess what all of my stones are made of? Enzymes that are found in Leafy green veggies, like... Hmmmm. Salad. And celery. And Carrots. And broccoli. And most fucking veggies. And I can't eat weight watcher meals because of the sodium levels. Sodium makes the other half of my stones. I don't want to start forming stones. I need ideas of good things to make and eat. Any advice ladies? I guess I am going to have to start drinking those slim-fast shakes for breakfast and lunch, and find something else for dinner.

K. That's all for now. :O)

Oh, and thanks again for all the support. You don't know how nice it is to be having a bad day, or to be wanting to eat something, and jump on here or on FB and find a comment or an email from one of you. It really does help me focus and stay on track. I love me girls. MUAH!

Monday!

Monday again. Boo. This weekend was hard, because we ate out all weekend for Matt's birthday - but I stayed within what my book said I could eat, and I watched my portions and drank water and took my own snacks to the dance competition... I wish I could have took something heavier though. I can't really crack Donna in the head with a bunch of grapes. More on that in a minute.

So Friday night, I took Matt out to dinner for his birthday. Olive Garden it is. Again, I was good. :O) Afterward, we decided to get a little crazy and head out to the Super Walmart. I know. Most people can't handle that place on a Friday night, but we were in a partying mood. :O) While there, I bought a scale to have at the house. It's one of those real fancy ones. It tells you not only your weight, but your body fat%, your muscle mass, your BMI, and your hydration level. That was good news, and bad news. Turns out, I am actually about 20 lbs lighter than I thought. I weigh 224.2. :O) Or we could just pretend I lost 20 lbs in a week. Yeah. Lets go with that. My muscle mass was about 64.8 lbs, my body fat % was about 40.8%, my BMI was 31, and my hydration level was at 43.2%. So I was over in all the categories related to FAT, and under where I should be for my muscle mass and water levels. Regardless, I am happy. I am happy that I got the scale, happy I weigh less than I thought I did, and happy I have another tool to help me get healthier. :O)

On Saturday, we walked a lot because we went shopping all day. The flea market, the mall, etc. And then out for dinner and drinks (I did drink a bit, but considering... I think I did pretty good). And home and in bed by 12:30. Yay!

Now. As for Sunday. NOT A GOOD DAY. I did fine with my diet, but I wanted to go rob a chocolate and Dorito's store at a few points during the day. Madie had a dance competition in Dayton. Which means spending all day with Madie's mom. First of all, I always hate going to these things because I feel out of place. I am not the aunt, or the grandma, or the great grandma, and I am certainly not her mother. So at one point during the day - we couldn't find her. We thought she was with her mom. One of the other mother's said she was with her dad. Another mother said she told them she was going to sit with me and her grandma. Matt and I were frantic. We were running up and down the halls, and can't find her. Finally we did after about a 10 minute heart attack. She was with her dance teacher. So Matt and I tried to talk to her and tell her that she can't run off without telling someone where she is. She kept cutting me off trying to explain herself, but I finally said, honey, I don't care. You can go hang out with your friends, you just need to let one of us know where you are. So then Donna walks up, and Madie, the little actress that she is, turns on the tears, like right now. Donna asks her why she is crying, and her response is because Becky was yelling at me. Donna starts shooting me dirty looks and I just walked off.

So that sets off a whole other chain of event's. Apparently Donna told Madie she did not have to listen to me, so Madie started giving me dirty looks, and rolling her eyes, and basically just acting like her mother. Then Donna's Grandma goes off on Matt, telling him that I don't have any right to speak to Madison like that because I am not her mother. So Matt and Granny Grunt got into it, and that upset me, because he has always said nothing but nice things about that woman, and he had to argue with her to stick up for me. It just ruined the whole damn day, and I am to the point I don't even want to go to another damn competition.

But the good part is, those bitches did not drive me to eat, which they usually do.

I am actually glad it's Monday for once. I am back to working out tonight, either before or after Matt's birthday dinner. I am still not sure how I am going to pull that off quite yet. But I will get it done. And my first weigh in and re-measure is tomorrow. I will be interested to see if I have lost any inches...

One of those Days

Yay! I made it through the first week! Well, of work-outs at least. I finished my last one last night. It was the 20 minute one again, and it was easier this time, which is exciting. I actually really like these videos, until Matt walks in and watches me doing it, and I don't see him standing there until 5 minutes later. Then I get embarrassed.

It's Friday, and I am really proud of myself. I have not had anything but water or juice all week. I have not touched one thing of junk food. And since it is Friday, that means breakfast meeting at work. It's crazy here - 9 million doughnuts, sausage and gravy from Bob Evans, bacon, eggs, biscuts... you name it. AND I brought breakfast for myself. Some Cheerio's with skim milk and a banana. :O)

It's gonna be a good day, Tater.

Okay - so maybe not a good day. I need to stop posting so early. By 8:30 I was in tears. By 9:15 - scared for my job. I am on my period, I don't feel good, I am sad today, and I just want to go back to bed.

Maybe it's just hormones and my body getting used to this new regimen I have put it through this week. I took a few midol, and I am better now. Not 100%, but better. LOL. Thanks for the post Dana, it helps more than you know that you are always SOOOO there for me. Love you.

Morning Ladies.....

So I don't know how long I will be able to keep up with this posting every day, but I am sure trying!

Yesterday was good. I took a walk and got a healthy lunch, and went I got off, I FOUGHT the temptation to drop all of my good intentions and head to the COV. I went home, and stalled working out by talking to Matt for a few. The new DVD scared me. But I finally just said, no, I am gonna go at least give it a try. The last seven minutes were really hard, and I had trouble keeping up and getting the moves down. And I actually rewound the DVD, and did the last 7 minutes a second time. :O) It was hard, but it was not as bad as I had worked it up to be in my mind.

Then I went down to the pool hall and painted on the mural I am working on. It's really coming together. Matt was nice enough to come with me and help me out. Then we went to the store. We bought all kinds of fruits and veggies, and he even did really good. He only bought 1 bad thing. That man CANNOT turn down a bag-O-Bugels. We had cereal for dinner last night, just cause it was so late. But at least it was a serving of Cheerios with no sugar and a banana instead of a half a bag of doritos and a oven pizza like we usually do. And Matt kept me in check. I was still hungry, and wanted seconds, but he told me to wait 15 minutes and see if I was still hungry. He was right. I didn't need the seconds. :O)

I am really sore this morning. I have been the last few days, but today is bad. And mostly it's in my lower back. My body is just NOT used to moving the way I am making it move. So luckily, I have one more workout tonight (the same one from last night), and then I get three days off!

More later, I am sure.

And it's later. I wrote on FB that I feel like the Easter Bunny. I come into work this morning passing out chocolate treats - and I am hungry and eating carrots. Oh, and salad planned for lunch. I have almost said that I was starving several times today - but I am going to try to stop saying that. Because the truth is, if I was starving, I would not be complaining about being fat. Fat girls are hungry. Not starving.

St. Patty's Day

Well, Dana came over and worked out with me last night. After she left and Matt got home, we sat down and had a long talk, because I told him I had created this blog. He wanted to know why I felt I needed to share every detail of this journey you you guys. Once I explained that you all were my support system, and read to him what I had written... He was amazing. He went on a walk with me and Harley and played with us in the yard. He helped me clean all the junk food out of the house, (by eating most of it... LOL)and said that starting today, he was going to go on a diet too. He said that way it would be easier on both of us, and would be less tempting for me if there was only healthy food in the house. We also decided that would be the best way to set an example for the kids. So now I have another person to take this feat on with me. :O)

So, I had 1 serving of tuna salad for dinner last night, with one tbsp of lite miracle whip, and one tbsp of relish on whole wheat toast, one slice of low fat cheese, and 1 serving of baked corn chips and salsa. All together, the whole meal was only 12 grams of fat! Yay!

Today however, sucks. I didn't get to go to the store last night, so I didn't have anything to bring in to eat today. I am tired, so I am drinking coffee, but instead of sugar, I am using sweet and low. It's gross. I am hungry, and some asshole here at work thought it would be a cute idea to bring in little green and white decorated cupcakes. I did good though. I just stared at them for a few minutes (okay, maybe 30 seconds), contemplated the consequences, and walked away. Then Kelly, the girl I sit next to, prances in here with French Toast sticks from Burger King. She took one look at me, and was like, "OMG! I am SOOO Sorry. I will go eat in the kitchen". THAT was actually kinda funny. I am going to have to go to Kroger's on my lunch and get some fruit and veggies and good stuff to munch on during the day.

As for my workout - I move to the next DVD tonight. It's the 20 minute one, which Dana and I watched (we tried to participate, but that only lasted about 2.5 minutes) last night. Honestly, kinda scared. But I am going to try it, and if it is too much, I will just go back and do the learn and burn again. The instructions say I can stay with that one until I feel comfortable, but I am going to try to push myself.

Oh, and no green beer for this girl this year. :O( That sucks - cause I am Irish. And I like beer. Boo.

Now, for the before picture. For now, I am just going to have to post a recent picture of me that I hate, because Matt can't find the power cord for our camera, and it's dead. Now I just gotta figure out how to post the picture. ;o)

Loves yas.

Day 1 (Day 3)

Okay - so it's actually day 3, but I will get to that in a minute. Here it goes kids... I made this blog because I need my girls. I need your support and your love, and your famous abilities to kick my ass when I need it. And since I don't live two blocks from the watering hole anymore, I thought you gals could kick my ass via the Internet. I am trying to exercise every day, eat healthy (okay - eat better than I have been)and lose this weight you guys constantly hear me complaining about. I know you all think I am beautiful the way I am and blah freaking blah (I love you...)but you don't know how I feel. I am doing this because you guys are my true friends, and I know I can be honest with you.

I have struggled with my weight my whole life. I have always had a bad body image of myself. I hate that I can't run anymore - because I get too tired too fast. I hate that I get tired after playing in the yard for five minutes with the kids and the dog. I hate that I can't pick out a sexy bra and panty set to wear for Matt because they don't make them in my size. I am tired of crying in the dressing room. I hate that I don't want to go out, even with my girls, because I am jealous of how you guys look. You are all so skinny, and can wear clothes that are in style while my fat ass is trying to find something cute in the plus sized section at walmart. I could probably do the same shopping in the tent aisle at Dicks. I cried the last time I saw my mom, because I was wearing the same shirt as her. I am dressing like a 63 year old woman to try to hide myself. I want to take the kids to go swimming, and actually swim with them because I am not afraid to be seen in a bathing suit. I want to lay out by the pool with my girls, and have some drinks, and not be the only one in a one piece, and still have ROLLS hanging out everywhere. I am tired of people asking me how far along I am when I am most certainly not pregnant. I know I make jokes and laugh at my self, but I am constantly aware of how I am sitting, how I am standing. I see that when you guys stand up, you don't have the muffin top hanging over your jeans like I do. I try to stand in the back of the group when we all take pictures together so I can hide behind you all. My dad has had two heart attacks, and heart disease runs severely in my Dad's side of the family. Of the Seven Top Risk Factors for Heart Disease, I currently have 6. This is not just me being self conscious anymore. I am scared. I want to live a long long life with Matt. I want grand babies. I want to see my nieces and nephews have kids. I don't want to have heart attacks and have some doctor threaten me, that if I don't do something, I am going to die. I bitch to Matt all the time about this. And he tells me the same things you guys do. That he loves me, and he thinks I am beautiful, and if I say it again, he is going to smack me. But lately, he has just gotten to the point where he says "then do something about it!" But even that did not push me over the edge.

The other day I was getting ready for work, and only had one pair of jeans clean; My fat jeans. So I put them on and they felt a little tight, but I had just gotten them out of the dryer, so I thought they would loosen up during the day. I was wrong. They were so tight that when I sat down, they actually hurt my stomach. By the end of the day, they had left red marks and welts in my skin. I cried and cried in the bathroom. But, I was too embarrassed to tell anyone. That was what did it for me. I was depressed for days, but on Saturday night while I was cleaning, I found my old Turbo Jam stuff in my closet. You guys remember the infomercial for that? Well I got it all out and started working out on Sunday. I know it's only Tuesday, but I feel better. On Sunday, I worked out in the morning, and actually did stuff all day. And last night, I was so tired when I got home, but I made myself do it, and I felt better afterwards. Now Dana is coming over tonight to do it with me. Today I got on the website for Turbo Jam. They have chat rooms, and blogs, and message boards, and all that other crap, but I don't feel comfortable with that. So I thought I could enlist the help of my Twinkies (my girls, not those yummy treats with the cream in the middle. I have to stay AWAY from those.)

So, you obviously got my email on facebook, and that's why you are here. What I want to do is try to post here several times a week, and let you guys know how I am doing, so you can help me get my FAT ASS in gear. Remember before when I mentioned how much I trust you guys. Well here is where the trust comes in. I am going to tell you guys all of my stats, and even take a before picture. Hopefully, there will be an after picture. :O)

The ideal body weight for a large-framed female of my height (5'10) is between 129 and 173 pounds. Anyone who thinks I will make it to 129 lbs, you have lost your ever-lovin mind. Ugh. I think I would look sick at that weight. They, meaning the experts, say that even at 170, I would be borderline over weight. I however have set my goal at 180 pounds. I remember what I looked like at that weight. I have seen pictures of myself at that weight. And I was comfortable in my own skin at that weight. So that's where I want to go. Now, even getting to 180 lbs is going to be a feat. That's a sixty-two pound weight loss for me. That's right ladies I am 62 lbs away from my goal - which, puts me at (I literally just took a deep breath knowing I was about to type this number...) 242 pounds.

That is about 68 pounds of PURE FAT on my body. 28% of my entire body weight is PURE FAT. OMG. I think I just threw up in my mouth. Gross.

So. I need you. I need you to love me, and call me a fatty, and tell me I am lazy on the days that I have not worked out. I need to stop drinking shots. No more double decker turkey clubs with fries at Strass. And I can't do it alone. I have tried, and I weigh 242 fucking pounds. I NEED YOU. Tell me to put the fries down. Tell me to quit complaining and go take a walk. I need tough love. But love most importantly.

So here are the vitals.

Weight: 242
Height: 5'10
Chest: 46.5
Waist: 46
Hips: 49
Thighs: 25.5
Arms: 13

The picture will come later tonight or tomorrow, hopefully.

Here we go... Love you girls!