NSV – Non-Scale Victory!!

Well, I have scale victory too – but we will get to that in a minute.  Last week, I only got to the gym twice.  I did my squats and arms every day, but a dreaded migraine hit, and I was out for the count.  As you all know – when you miss days, it makes it SO much harder to go back, and get back into a routine. 

Yesterday, I had 10 different reasons NOT to go to the gym.  I was exhausted because I only got about 4 hours of sleep the night before.  My workout buddy cancelled on me (for a good reason).  I had enough work to skip lunch altogether.  I could have gone Christmas shopping, or gone to the grocery store.  I actually thought about intentionally leaving my gym bag at home – just so I could say “oops, I forgot”. 

BUT – and here’s the NSV – I DIDN’T! I didn’t give into any of the excuses.  I put the damn bag in the truck in the morning, and I committed to going.  I told myself that even if I only walked on the treadmill, that would be better than nothing at all.  Then on the drive there – which normally takes 5-6 minutes – traffic was SHIT.  It literally took me 24 minutes to get to the gym – so my already short workout time was now MUCH shorter.  So I decided to go as hard as I could.  I hit the stair master (better cardio, better sweat, more calories for the time).  And just like last week, I surprised myself. 

I’m almost embarrassed to admit this, but this is my blog and my journey – so why not be honest about it?  I am OUT OF SHAPE.  I am still retraining my lungs from when I was a smoker.  When I first started on the stair master 3 weeks ago – I was only able to go for 4.5 minutes.  TOTAL.  And I took lots of breaks.  Each day I have gone to the gym, I have tried to stay on the machine a little bit longer, and try to go a little bit longer before I took a break, and in-between breaks.  Yesterday, I was on the treadmill for 10 minutes.  I went 3 full minutes without having to take a break.  And then, I was able to rest for about 30 seconds before going another 2 minutes before the next break.  Eventually, I will go the full 10 minutes without taking a break – and then I’ll start adding time. 

As I said last week, it isn’t much.  It’s not epic, or amazing, or impressive to anyone but me.  But again – just like last week, they are my records, and I’m beating them every day.  My lungs and my body are getting stronger.  And it is paying off – both mentally and physically.  In 4 weeks, I have lost 10.4 pounds, and 10.75 inches off my body. 

I’m proud of myself – so make that TWO NSVs this week!  

I am headed to the gym here in a few to tackle another day.  Tomorrow is rest day from the Gym – but the squat challenge is out to kill me – 145 squats tomorrow!  Till next time… 

What a difference a day makes!!

It’s amazing what can happen in just one day.  I mean, literally – AMAZING.  At least that’s how I feel today. 

 Yesterday, I was in a bummy mood.  Take one look at my post, and it’s not hard to figure out.  But I refuse to fail this time; I refuse to quit.  So I went to the gym.  I did get my workout in, but it wasn’t my best.  I felt better after I was done, but then disappointed too.  I didn’t work as hard as I could  have.  I gave up just a little too soon.  The endorphins pulled me out of my mood, and I told myself “I’ll do better tomorrow”.  And THAT, I did. 

Today, I beat my own personal records.  It’s not much, it’s not epic, or amazing, or will impress anyone, but they are my records, and I beat them.    And I am walking on air!  I feel like a rock star!!  I literally felt invincible walking out of the gym to my car today.  I am all smiles, and I am actually proud of myself. 

Yesterday, I wanted to quit.  Not for long, but the thought was there.  Today, I totally smashed it.  I pushed for 30 more seconds; one more minute; telling myself “I can do ANYTHING for 45 seconds”.  And I did.  I believed in myself.

I would say that’s a pretty sweet NSV.    

Checking in, feeling down.

I am feeling a bit down today.  Not crying, not can’t get out of bed, just down. 

I did my weigh in this morning.  I lost 1.2 pounds, and a total of 4 inches.  Normally, I would be totally stoked about that – but I’m just not.  It was also time to update my spreadsheet where I track everything, weight, measurements, BF%, BMR, etc.  My “goal weight” column needed to be updated.  I have it set up that it will pre-fill that cell with losing 2 pounds per week.  I was dumb enough to look pretty far down that list. 

IF – and that’s a big IF – I consistently lose 2 pounds per week, I won’t get under 200 pounds until June of 2017.  It will quite literally take me 6 months get to ONEderland.  That seems forever away.  Like it will never happen.  It makes what I am trying to do seem impossible in my mind.  I KNOW that isn’t true.  I KNOW that time will pass much quicker, but good god.  I had that split second where I thought to myself, I oughta just quit now. 

I KNOW last year was rough for me medically, and a lot of that affected my weight.  I switched Migraine meds more times than I can count, I went on the Depo Shot, and I quit smoking – all in the same month.  And I watched as my weight ballooned to numbers I hadn’t seen in years.  I also know I didn’t gain all the weight overnight – it’s not going away overnight.  I am just struggling with being able to see a light at the end of the tunnel.  Right now, It just looks dark. 

 I told myself, and my sounding board (Mr. Wonderful) that I NEED to focus on the one day at a time mentality.  I can’t focus on 6 months from now (or even longer – ONEderland isn’t even the goal weight – it’s just a stepping stone).  I have to make a choice every day to do this.  I can’t commit to 6 months from now.  Only today. 

 One day at a time.  And today I’ve already done my squats, and I’m headed to the gym in about 30 minutes.  Today I am making a choice to continue this journey, even though it seems impossible.  It definitely won’t happen if I quit now. 

 

It's been a while... again.

Sorry about that. 

Per usual, I did really good for a few days, and then fell off pretty quickly. Because, you know, laziness and life and stuff. 

And then, on a random Tuesday about 2 weeks ago, I started back.  I posted on Facebook that day saying "Not waiting until New Years, no more tomorrows.  Doing it today.  Doing it for Me."  And I haven't stopped.  I have REALLY been watching what I eat.  I’ve been weighing food, and measuring portions.  If we do go out, I’ve been trying to make better choices, like the salad bar, rather that the Big Boy, fries and unlimited refills on Pepsi.  I’ve been drinking ALL of my water every day. 

I’ve been to the gym at least 3 days both weeks.  I’ve been working on the stair master and the treadmill.  I’m not great at either, but I try, and I go back every time.  And every time I try to go just a little bit longer without a break, just a little bit faster, and just a little bit more time on the machines.  I am pushing myself to be better every day.  The first day, I spent 4.5 minutes on the stair master.  In that time, I climbed 15 floors.  Today, I was up to 8.5 minutes, and climbed 29 floors.  On the first day on the treadmill, I walked at 3.2mph for 20 minutes, and went exactly 1 mile.  Today – I spent 10 minutes on the treadmill doing walk/run intervals at 3.2/5.0, and traveled .64 miles.  I have been going to the gym on my lunch, so I only have a limited amount of time, but I have found that I push myself harder, because I want to get the most of the time that I do have. 

I’ve also been doing both a squat challenge, and an arm challenge, doing squats, push-ups, planks and chair dips every day.  Yesterday was my rest day from the gym, and even though I did 90 squats (yes – 90), and the arm challenge, I felt lazy for not going to the gym.  Today, I got stuck in traffic on the way there, and didn’t have as much time as usual.  I worked even harder.  I just don’t have time for excuses anymore – and even better – I’m starting to recognize when I am making excuses for myself.  I realized today on the way back to the office that I actually missed this.  I have missed working out, and the rush you feel afterwards.  It’s only been a few days, but I am already noticing changes.  And not just in my jeans.  It’s mostly been in my confidence, my overall mood, and in my sleep.  It may seem silly… but I already feel…. Healthier. 

I’m not perfect, and I know that.  THIS time, I am not setting crazy goals, or insane restrictions.  I understand that life happens.  I have just made a promise to myself to try to be better to myself.  To be a better mom, and a better wife.  And sometimes that means doing something to take care of myself.  Some days I will be more successful than others.  But one bad day does not negate all of the good days.  I am strong, and getting stronger every day – physically, mentally, and spiritually. 

I.  CAN.  DO.  THIS. 

We Interrupt your regularly scheduled programming....

I did it.  Yesterday, I drank all my water.  I fasted, said NO to Halloween candy and cookies, and I worked out today.  I am doing it.  I am being successful.  But I don’t want to talk about it.  Today, this is going to take a different turn to a different topic entirely. 

 

Today, I want to talk about sexual assault.  Scary words – I know – but these words have been said quite a bit this summer.  This summer was the Brock Turner case.  It was election season, and the leaked Trump tapes.  It was when two different documentaries were posted on Netflix – Audrie and Daisy, and The Hunting Grounds.  I have watched both documentaries in the last 24 hours – and I cannot be quiet. 

 

I am sick.  I am disgusted.  I am scared.  I am heartbroken.  Audrie and Daisy followed the story of two young girls in entirely different parts of the country who shared a similar story.  They were both sexually assaulted by boys from school, and then were bullied mercilessly for it in person and on social media.  Audrie committed suicide.  Daisy attempted suicide multiple times, but thankfully, was not successful.  Daisy’s family was also tormented, and their house was burned down by arsonists trying to run them out of town.  These were 14 and 15 year old girls that were attacked.  FOURTEEN YEARS OLD.  I have a 14 year old daughter - this could just as easily be her. 

 

The Hunting Ground followed two survivors that have become activists in speaking out against the lack of response to sexual assault claims by colleges and universities nationwide.  You heard story after story of young women being attacked, reporting it, and at best – nothing happens, and at worst – the blame is turned on the victim.  The closing statistic in the film says that if changes are not made, 100,000 students will be sexually assaulted in the upcoming school year. 

 

I don’t understand these people that blame the victims.  I really don’t.  Put the same circumstances under any other crime, and what would happen? 

 

Rape – well, she was drunk and was wearing a short skirt - what did she think was going to happen?   

Robbery – well, the bank had all that money in the back – what did they think was going to happen?

Kidnapping – well, the kid was wearing onesie footie pajama's – what did they think was going to happen?

Murder – well, he was in the mall when that shooter walked in – what did they think was going to happen?

 

You don’t blame the robbery victim for being robbed.  You don’t blame the kidnapped child for the kidnapping.  You don’t blame the murder victim for being murdered.  You blame the people that commit the crimes.  THEY are the criminals – not the victims.  So why is it okay to blame the victim when it comes to a sex crime?

 

We live in a society that allows this to happen.  We look the other way.  We change the subject.  We ignore the issue.  We continue to send our children to schools that will not protect them.  We watch a judge – an elected official – tell Brock Turner that while what he did is bad – the accusation was punishment enough.  This poor kid had a bright future, and now he’s a convicted sex offender.  BOO HOO.  He fucking should be.  He drug a women behind a dumpster and assaulted her.  We continue to go to college and professional sporting events, knowing that the players have been accused of sexual assault – some on MULTIPLE OCCASIONS.  A quick Google search showed that there are currently 44 NFL players that have been accused of sexual assault.  WE KNOW these names and stories.  Brock Turner.  Jameis Winston.  The Duke lacrosse players.  The Baylor football team.  It goes on and ON  AND ON. 

 

Part of the issue is that the majority of victims don’t report the crimes.  I am one of those people.  I didn’t report it.  I didn’t tell anyone – for years.  I was afraid.  I still am afraid.  There are so many people that don’t know my story – and I don’t want them to.  My mom, one of my sisters, and a few of my close friends know.  My husband knows.  I still have flashbacks.  I still have nightmares.  And there are still people that don’t believe me.  I have dealt with it – and continue to do so – but stories like this bring it all back.  It’s all very trigger-y for me, which reminds me that we need to do better.  We need to stand by the victims.  We need to believe them.  We need to hold those responsible for their actions. We need to do better for our children.  We need others to do better for our children. 

 

I have 3 young beautiful women that will be heading to college over the next 4 years – two nieces and my step-daughter.  We hope the world for our kids – we want the world to be better for them than it was for us.  I want them to go to the schools of their dreams – and get a good, quality education in the field of their choice.  I want them to be safe on campus, and know that if anything (God forbid) ever happens – that they will be taken care of.  That schools and law enforcement do right by them and their peers.  We cannot remain quiet.  We cannot allow this to continue.  There are currently over 100 schools that are under investigation for Title IX violations.  There are 5 schools in the State of Ohio alone.  This isn’t something that is happening somewhere else.  It is happening right here - In our schools, to our daughters, sisters, mothers, co-workers, friends and the quiet lady at the coffee shop who doesn’t talk much.  It’s everywhere – and it has to stop. 

 

Stealing from The Hunting Ground – To learn how you can support survivors, help pass legislation, and hold schools accountable, go to SeeActStop.org, or ItsOnUs.org.

 

My name is Rebecca Chupka, and I am a SURVIVOR of sexual assault. 

Day One of the "Forever" Challenge.

I hate her. 

I ask her what kind of Challenge we are doing - and she says forever.  REALLY?  I'm having issues with a week a time - and she wants to call it Forever.  She, by the way, would be Shelby.  She is my partner in crime on this little journey - so you'll be hearing about her more often.  Welcome to the party. 

I don't like the "Forever Challenge"... so it will be re-named, as soon as I am witty enough to come up with a name. 

I weighed in this morning at 255.8.  I took my measurements, and have been drinking my water.  Today is a fast day - so I get about 500 calories today.  I am going to the store on lunch today - pick up water, food for the next few days, a jump rope and some new work out clothes - plus I will be walking around the store rather than eating. 

I REALLY am going to try to do better...  Below are the goals I have set for myself for this week (Just a reminder). 

 

1.)    Take “Before” Pictures

2.)    Weigh in each Monday morning and take measurements.

3.)    Work out 3 days each week for at least 30 minutes

4.)    Fast 2 days of each week for the next 4 weeks

5.)    NO eating out for lunch during the work week

6.)    Stay within calorie target of 1850 to 2100

Here WE GO!

 

A Year From Now...

Well – guess what.  Here I am again, with ZERO news to report.  I was so excited the day I wrote my last post, and then… nothing.  Literally nothing.  I haven’t counted calories once.  I haven’t worked out once.  I did weigh myself, and that made me want to eat my feelings. 

 

And so here we are, a month later, and another 2 pounds heavier.  I am so disgusted and frustrated with myself – but I’m here.  I have a friend at work who feels the same, and is ready to do something about it.  We are going to do this together – we’re going to be Workout/weight loss buddies.  Someone to commiserate with, to work-out with, to keep me accountable, and I’ll be that person for her. 

 

We have decide to start on Monday.  I am also going to go back to the 5:2.  We agreed we would work out 3 days a week together, pack everyday (so we wouldn’t be tempted to go out to eat with someone else) and be available for moments of weakness via text.  We also agreed to commit to at least 30 days – as that is supposedly the length of time it takes to form a new habit. 

 

The only thing that I am adding to that at this point, is to write it down.  I will write it  here, but I am also writing it down to have copies hanging at my desk at work, and on the fridge at home.  I read that if you write your goals down, you are 50% more likely to achieve them than someone who doesn’t write them down.  So here they are:

 

1.)    Take “Before” Pictures

2.)    Weigh in each Monday morning and take measurements.

3.)    Work out 3 days each week for at least 30 minutes

4.)    Fast 2 days of each week for the next 4 weeks

5.)    NO eating out for lunch during the work week

6.)    Stay within calorie target of 1850 to 2100

 

I have been doing this for too long.  I have been fighting this battle for too long.  For TOO MANY years, I have looked to a quote for inspiration.  It really resonates with me - because it is so true. I know that from the many years I have been fighting.  "A year from now, you'll wish you started today".  I wish I stuck to it 8 years ago - 5 years ago - a year ago, 6 months ago, last month.  I wish I had done it differently.  I wish I had stuck to it - stuck with it.  I wish I had believed in myself more, thought more of myself and my worth. 

 

So here we are again - and maybe this time next year, I won't have to wish I had already started.