Checking in, feeling down.

I am feeling a bit down today.  Not crying, not can’t get out of bed, just down. 

I did my weigh in this morning.  I lost 1.2 pounds, and a total of 4 inches.  Normally, I would be totally stoked about that – but I’m just not.  It was also time to update my spreadsheet where I track everything, weight, measurements, BF%, BMR, etc.  My “goal weight” column needed to be updated.  I have it set up that it will pre-fill that cell with losing 2 pounds per week.  I was dumb enough to look pretty far down that list. 

IF – and that’s a big IF – I consistently lose 2 pounds per week, I won’t get under 200 pounds until June of 2017.  It will quite literally take me 6 months get to ONEderland.  That seems forever away.  Like it will never happen.  It makes what I am trying to do seem impossible in my mind.  I KNOW that isn’t true.  I KNOW that time will pass much quicker, but good god.  I had that split second where I thought to myself, I oughta just quit now. 

I KNOW last year was rough for me medically, and a lot of that affected my weight.  I switched Migraine meds more times than I can count, I went on the Depo Shot, and I quit smoking – all in the same month.  And I watched as my weight ballooned to numbers I hadn’t seen in years.  I also know I didn’t gain all the weight overnight – it’s not going away overnight.  I am just struggling with being able to see a light at the end of the tunnel.  Right now, It just looks dark. 

 I told myself, and my sounding board (Mr. Wonderful) that I NEED to focus on the one day at a time mentality.  I can’t focus on 6 months from now (or even longer – ONEderland isn’t even the goal weight – it’s just a stepping stone).  I have to make a choice every day to do this.  I can’t commit to 6 months from now.  Only today. 

 One day at a time.  And today I’ve already done my squats, and I’m headed to the gym in about 30 minutes.  Today I am making a choice to continue this journey, even though it seems impossible.  It definitely won’t happen if I quit now.