Kind of excited....

So today is the last day of my first month of my new, healthier lifestyle. And it's my anniversary. :) I was so lucky to meet Matt 3 years ago. I used to say he was the man of my dreams, but I have come to realize that he is much more than that. He is the dream I never could have imagined. He is my best friend, my soul mate, my confidant, and my number one supporter. I could not do what I am doing without him. I am absolutely blessed. So, tomorrow is the first weigh in... Measurements and all! It's gonna be an exciting day - so STAY TUNED!

Trying to stay positive....

I ask myself all the time why I continue this blog. I'm the only one that reads it. When I first started this blog last year, I thought it would be a great way for my friends to help me and encourage me on this journey. It was an outlet, and a way for me to keep in touch with my friends, and let them know what was going on in my life. I got frustrated at one point last year, and posted about it, and that was really the beginning of the end. That is, until I decided to begin again this year.

When I came back to the blog, they had done a lot of updates, and added a lot of features for the bloggers. One of those features is a tool they call the Page Counter. It lets you know how many times your pages have been viewed. I was really excited when I first started, because with the first post, I got 22 views. But the next day it was one. And the day after that was one. And eventually that one person stopped visiting. The last post that someone besides me has seen on this was August 15th. It's been over two weeks. At first, I was really upset about that. I realize that everyone else has lives, and are just as busy as I am, if not busier. I know I am not at the top of the priority list in everyone's daily lives. I don't expect to be. But to be honest, to see that not one person of the group I invited to share this with had not even checked on me once in two weeks... it was a little disheartening.

But then, I really started to think about it. I am not doing this for my friends. This is for, and about me. I put myself out there. I was honest, and forthcoming. I censored some things I wanted to say, because I didn't want to upset or offend anyone. And now that I know that no one else is reading this, then who gives a flying fuck? RIGHT?!?! Right. The fact is, I am doing me. I am doing this for me. I am doing this for my family. And my family has been super supportive. Matt has been amazing. He tells me everyday how good I look, and how proud he is of me. When I am tempted, he tells me I don't need it. When I still want it, he asks me what do I want more? Madison tries to help. If I am being lazy, she offers to work out with me. Mama C tries to make good food for me when we have Sunday dinner's at her house. My stamina and endurance get better with every workout. My clothes fit better. I get out in the yard and play with the kids. I am teaching my kids better eating habits, and better routines. NO Disney Channel!!! Let's go play soccer! You be goalie first! Ready... one two three... go!

My entire life, I have needed everyone's approval. As a kid, it was hard to get recognition from my parents for what I had done, because my other sibilings had already done everything. I think that has molded me into the way I am now. I am constantly seeking approval. From my Parents, my siblings, my friends, my co-workers, everyone. Well, a lot of that shit went out the window last week. Regardless of how other people feel about me, I like who I am. I know I have made mistakes, but I think I have learned and grown from those mistakes. I think that with everything I have been through, I have turned into a damn good person. I am faithful, loyal, loving, caring, honest and true. I go out of my way to make other people happy. I work my ass off to try to get the things I want. I try to raise my kids to be respectful, honest, good people. If someone is good to me, I am good to them.

In the last week, I have learned a few things. I have learned that family is not determined by your blood stream. Because even though I am the youngest of 4 children, and have been for 28 years - this week I became an only child. My parents still have 4 kids, but that does not mean they are my family. I love my Mom and my Dad to pieces. They are amazing people, and amazing parents. They ARE my family. Matt, the kids, his parents, Dana and Bells and David and the boys? They ARE my family. HoJ and Steph and Krista and Caroline? They ARE family. Shellie is NOT family. Mary is NOT family. And Mike, I don't think he even knows who I am anymore.

People come in and out of your life all the time, for different reasons, and you pick up things along the way. Some teach you how to be a better person. Some teach you exactly the kind of person you DON'T want to be. Some teach you things about yourself you never knew. For me, I have learned (so far) that I have an amazing grab-bag family; that I want to be the kind of person my parents raised me to be; I know love, I know empathy, I care about right from wrong, I am honest, I am introspective, and my apologies are heartfelt; that I do not want to live my life as a jealous, insecure, person; that I don't need everyone's approval all the time; that I am capable of making adult decisions on my own; that I am better at writing than I am at speaking; and while I don't need everyone to follow my every move on this blog, I do have to document everything. It keeps me on track, and keeps me focused. So, if by some chance someone else besides me is reading this, please don't take offense. I am actually letting go of it. I don't want to make people feel bad for not getting on here. It was never really about that anyway - I thought it was, and maybe it started out that way. But it's certainly not that way now. This is a place for me to become the person I want to be, inside and out. And I am getting there.

Everyday I'm Hustlin. :)

I feel it starting to slip....

It has been a rough week for me. Maybe they are excuses, and maybe they are valid reasons, but I am not doing what I should be doing. So here's a quick run-down. Monday was great, Tuesday was crazy and busy with work, and Soccer pictures, and Madie being sick. I didn't work out at all. Wednesday, I took the day off and went and saw my Mom, because she had a heart attack. Shellie was supposed to tell all of us, but she is mad at me for God knows what, and decided that Mom being in the hospital is not a good enough reason to let me know what is going on. I did work out that night, and then swam for about an hour and a half. That night, on the way to bed, I tripped over my damnned hand weights and broke TWO of my toes. I did NOT workout yesterday, as I could barely walk. And unless I am working out at 11 tonight, I am not going to get it done today. Brian and Laura had Jameson this week, and we are going to their house for a cookout tonight to welcome Jameson home. I need to get down to business, and really focus. My first weigh in is next Thursday. I want to make sure I am still losing, and not putting the lbs back on before I get on that scale, and get out the measuring tape next week. EEK!

I hate her.

Nah, I'm just kidding! She is tough, but she is gonna get the job done on my fat ass! I don't think I have done push ups or jumping jacks since high school. Hell, maybe grade school. I am going to stay on the Low Impact Level 1, until I can get through it without dying. Then we (Jillian and I) will progress to High Impact Level 1. Once that is mastered, we will move to Level 2, low to high, then 3 and so on. 30 days my fat ass! This is going to be like a 90 insanity workout for me - and I am stoked. The way I look at it is, if I take my time, and master each level, I will really be in GOOD shape by the time I am doing the High Impact level 3. By that time, my body is probably going to be mother-fuckering me, and will decide that this is a good place to plataue. So I will need to change workouts ANYWAYS - and I will be in good shape from Jillian kicking my ass, and I will be ready for either Insanity or P90x. Come hell, or high water, I WILL be in a damn bikini next summer.

Oh. My. God.

Sorry I didn't post the results over the weekend... It was SO BUSY!!! When I first began the Fruit Flush last Monday, I weighed in at 226.8. When I weighed on on Thursday morning, I weighed in at.... Dun da da DAAAAA..... 219.3!!! I lost 7.5 pounds in just 3 days!!! That also puts me over my 10 pound goal for the month of August! Now granted, a lot of that was water weight, so I am not sure how fast it will all come back on - or if it will. But it is MOTIVATING!!! I was so excited to see that number when I got on the scale! Like I said earlier, this weekend was crazy! We had soccer stuff to do Saturday morning. Stephanie and I went to Columbus to see Britney Spears on Saturday night. Now, this did pose a bit of a problem. There was a lot of alchol consumed, so there were a lot of extra calories there. I had subway for dinner - I could have picked a healthier sandwich, but I didn't. I said light mayo, and she covered it. But at least it wasn't a Big Mac and Supersized Fries with a Sweet Tea. Then I danced my ASS off all night!!! So maybe I burned some of those beer calories there. ;) On Sunday, we went to Waffle House on the way home, and I got plain hashbrowns and a Sausage, egg and cheese wrap. I could have done a lot worse there too. I know it's not ideal, or the best in the world, but I didn't say I was going to starve myself. I wanted to make healthier choices, and I think I did that this weekend. Today - Jillian Michaels and I will meet for the first time. I am scared of her. She looks mean, even on the cover. I have the feeling I am going to cuss her out tonight. And since today begins the workout portion of my healthier lifestyle, it is a perfect day to add the pictures I am sure you all are dying to see. I have really been putting this off. I am very embarassed about these photos. Hopefully, it will be the last time anyone ever sees me like this.

Fruit Flush Update....

Welllllll - There is not a whole lot of news to report.  I have followed the Fruit Flush Diet VERY closely.  I have completely stuck to it - and actually kind of like it.  Besides being in the bathroom every 5 minutes - thank you H2O, its really good.  I love the shakes, the fruit has been really good (minus the mango - that was a bad experience), and I have not felt hungry at all!  Eating the fruit every two hours is enough to keep me satisfied.  I have had a horrible headache for the last two days - but I am sure that is just my body going through withdraws.  The cravings for bad foods have pretty much disappeared.  I have seen some really amazing results - but I don't want to spoil the surprise.  That, I will save for tomorrows post.  :)  I think for the very first time in my life, I am excited to get on the scale tomorrow!!!

And I promise, I am going to post the pictures!

Another Weekend Update

Ahhhhh - where to begin?  It's been a long couple of days.  I was sick as hell on Friday and ended up leaving work early.  We got the kids back on Friday night.  Saturday, I felt much better.  I guess I just had one of those 24 hour bugs or something.  We took the kids to Kings Island for the day, stopped by another park on the way home, and had family movie night.  We packed our lunches at KI, so that was good, but that was all I ate that day, so not so good.   Sunday I did stuff around the house, went grocery shopping, and went to the in-laws for dinner.  Homemade pizza!  Which was actually pretty good!  Mary made one for us, since we are both dieting.  We had a whole wheat crust, brushed in olive oil, with fresh mozerella cheese, yellow squash, and something else - but it was SO GOOD!  Plus, throw in a big old salad, and dinner was de-lish.  :)  I did slack though.  I did not keep my food diary this weekend.  I didn't eat when I was supposed to.  I skipped breakfast, and was eating WAY late.  But that is OKAY - because I am right on track for where I am supposed to be for the month!  And today - it really begins.

Today starts the fruit flush.  Today I get no food until dinner.  I know, it sounds awful!  LOL  I get a protein shake every two hours from 8 to 4.  I have to drink 8-12oz of water after each shake.  Then tonight, I get a huge salad with any kind of veggies I want, plus lemon juice and olive oil for the dressing.  I bought the protein powder yesterday, but I still have not tried it, so this should be interesting.  Hopefully I can swallow the stuff.  It's a chocolate powder that you can mix with water or skim milk.  I am going with the milk.  Chocolate and water just don't sound right together. 

From everything I read, it sounds like you can lose 8-10 pounds during this 3 day flush.  Now, that is not 10 pounds of fat, by any means.  It is mostly water weight, but you will lose some weight by getting rid of the extra waste that I am getting out of my system.  So I wanted to see how much I lost from the fruit flush alone - so I weighed in first thing this morning. I am only going to list the stats that my scale gives me, because I didn't do all the measurements. 

Weight:  226.8
Water %:  39.7
Muscle Lbs:  58.2
Body Fat %:  45.6
BMI:  32.1