5:2 Week One Update

We are now on day 3 of the 5:2 Fast Diet… and so far, I’m impressed.  Monday was hard.  I decided to start this halfway through the morning, and I had already burned through 175 calories on my delicious coffee.  When you only have 500 calories to work with… that’s a lot to burn on coffee.  I used up the remaining calories with two protein shakes (which never tasted so good before…) and half of a raw cucumber.  I MADE myself go to bed – growling stomach and all – so that I wouldn’t eat anything else.  Seriously – I was so close to binging I put myself in timeout. 

Surprisingly, day two was absolutely normal.   I didn’t wake up starving.  I felt like I had more energy throughout the day, and ate like I normally would.  I didn’t eat more than I normally do, in fact, I stayed just over 1600 calories yesterday – which was actually below what I was allowed.  I weighed myself yesterday morning, and had dropped an astonishing 6 pounds.  I thought for sure it was all water weight (and it still may be), but after weighing in again this morning, I hadn’t put it back on.  In fact, I lost three more ounces.  I don’t plan to weigh in everyday once I really get into this – but I kinda want to this first week – just to watch the day to day changes. 

Today is another “normal” day.  I get to eat and exercise normally.  I am trying to stick with my normal routine – a protein shake on the way to work, coffee once I get to the office, water throughout the day, and a protein shake for lunch.  Today, I had my shake, and went shopping at a consignment store.  I picked out a few things in a size I JUST bought last week, and went to the dressing room.  I know that sizes very from brand to brand – but these weren’t even close.  Nothing fit, and I cried.  Then I stood in front of that mirror – wiped away my tears - and took pictures of myself in just a bra and panties.  And THAT is the ugly truth.  So ugly in fact – I won’t be sharing.  First – not sure my husband would be really happy about it, second – Its quite embarrassing.  I will take some pics in workout clothes and post those instead.  I will however keep those pictures as motivation, and as a reminder of what I don’t want to be. 

I REFUSE to buy a larger size – because I won’t be like this for long.  Instead, I am using the money I was planning on spending on clothes, and getting my Planet Fitness Membership.  There is a location 5 minutes from the house, and another one 5 minutes from the office.  I allowed myself my 3 minutes for my pity-party, and to cry over my reflection, and now it’s time to get over it.  I am ALREADY trying to do something about it – so why cry?  Turn the tears into sweat and determination, and make a change. 

Tomorrow is my next fast day – which I can now prepare for.  I already miss my coffee tomorrow, so I am going to have my vanilla cappuccino protein shake as a replacement. 

This only the beginning.  Stay tuned!

EPIC FAIL / 5:2

Okay – so here we go.

I have not been good.  At ANY of my April goals.  Let’s recap. 

·         Complete the 30 day Water Challenge – which is to drink half my weight in ounces of water each day.  That’s 126 ounces of water every day for the next 34 days.  FAIL.  I have been better at this than other things, but definitely have not met this daily goal. 

·         Coffee and Water only for the month – No soft drinks, beer, wine etc.  A Gatorade is acceptable IF I have a migraine.  FAIL.  I’ve had beer – which I planned for.  But I’ve had my margarita mix, a few Pepsi’s and a glass of wine or two.  I did finally replace the Pepsi with a Crystal Light Raspberry Lemonade.  I can do that.  5 calories, and no extra sugars… I don’t feel so guilty about it. 

·         Complete the squat/push-up challenge (follow calendar) EPIC FAIL.  I did one day. ONE.  FUCKING.  DAY. 

·         Exercise 3 days a week – either run or do a video (30 day shred, Zumba, Yoga, etc.) FAIL.  I walked for a few days – then the weather took a turn for the worse… and FAIL.  I have not ran once, nor have a done a workout DVD. 

·         NO fast food.  Period.  FAIL.  While I’ve been pretty good at this, I have eaten out a few times. 

·         Take before/after pics  FAIL. 

·         Lose 10 pounds  FAIL.  Well, the month isn’t over yet, but if I make it, it will be a miracle.  I’ve actually gained according to this morning’s weigh in.  4.7 pounds since 03/28. 

·         Try to eat at 1600 calories (plus exercise cals) each day  FAIL.  I haven’t even been logging my calories.  A few days – maybe.  This past week – I couldn’t tell you, but I’d be surprised if my numbers were that low. 

So, as you can see, I’m doing pretty good.  EPIC FAIL!!!

Here’s the thing about me.  I get really excited about something, and I stick to it, for like, a week.  Maybe two.  And then – it’s like running into a concrete wall.  It just stops.  The drive, the motivation, everything.  And I eat a bag of Dorito’s at 11pm on a Tuesday.  Why?  Because I’m bored.  And they’re delicious.  DAMNIT.  I don’t like the fad diets.  Everyone believes in something else.  Try Weight Watchers… Try Atkins… Try combining the both and see what works for you.  Don’t eat carbs.  Don’t eat meat.  Don’t eat vegetables.  Don’t eat processed food, or sugar, or gluten, or food.  It’s overwhelming. 

Now – let’s talk about the Depo shot.  The best worst thing that I’ve ever done.  I’ve been on the shot since October.  While I don’t have exact numbers (I need to ask my Dr. for these) I know in September (21^st) I weighed in at 232.4.  I received the second shot in January, and the third last Friday.  Today I weighed in at 255.9  - a new 8 year record for me.  That is a 23.5 pound difference.  I know I quit smoking during that same time frame  - so some of the weight could be smoking related – but that is hardly the point.  23.5 fucking pounds.  I hate myself.  How much is the shot?  How much is the smoking?  And how much is me being a lazy ass that eats entirely too god-damned much?

And then yesterday happened.  Yesterday was my Mom’s birthday, and we all went to dinner to celebrate.  And there is my picture-happy sister taking 100+ pictures of all of us.  And then she posted them on Facebook.  And then reality set in.  It was the first day nice enough that I wore a sleeveless shirt.  I seriously regret that now.  The shirt was new – size XL – and it was tight on my chest.  Then there’s the arms.  OMG THE ARMS!!!  I would also like to add that my sister doesn’t use photo shop.  What you see is what you get.  I.  HATE.  MY.  BODY.  I am disgusted and embarrassed by these photos – and I wish she would take them down.

 

 

So – where am I going with this?  I have a new plan – or at least one that I am going to try.  I had read a while ago an interview that Jimmy Kimmel had done where he was asked about his weight loss.  He said that he was doing the 5:2 diet.  That he was mean on the 2 days, and ate like a glutton on the 5 days.  I had no idea what it meant – and the article didn’t go into much detail.  Then today, the Business Insider published an article on the Fast Diet, aka the 5:2.  The basic gist of it is this:  You fast for 2 days of the week, cutting your calorie intake to ¼ of what it normally is – usually to about 400-500 calories.  The other 5 days – you eat like you normally would.  I was intrigued, so I started looking around.  I have not seen much negative feedback on this – but a LOT of positive.  And I feel – because of my current eating habits – that this is actually something I could sustain. 

http://www.businessinsider.com/facts-and-science-about-the-fast-diet-2016-4?utm_content=buffer39dfb&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

So I’m giving it a shot.  I ordered the book, and I’m doing my first fast day today.  And if it doesn’t work – I’m getting OFF the depo shot in 3 months.    I can’t keep gaining.  I just can’t...

Mid- Week Progress update

This week has and hasn’t been difficult.  Some things were easy to drop, or pick up.  Others have been much more difficult.  I’ve been using protein shakes as a meal replacement for my breakfast and lunch.  It’s been easy to drink more water – it’s been harder to pass on the Pepsi.  This only seems to bother me a dinner time though.  It’s been hard to ignore the Easter Baskets filled with all the chocolatey goodness – but so far, I’ve been successful.  I haven’t eaten out – but it has only been two days.  The first night, I had leftovers – which wasn’t the greatest choice ever.  I ended up over my calorie goal by about 275 calories.  Yesterday I was under my calorie goal.  The days have to balance out, right?

I’ve been using 30 minutes of my lunch to walk each day – just to try to get some extra steps in.  I missed the squat/pushup challenge last night.  I can honestly say I thought about it multiple times, but never did it.  Now, the plan is to double up tonight.  I did get 72 minutes of walking in  - and got my husband and our dogs to go with me for our evening walk.  My Fitbit says I took 7,088 steps yesterday.  I am going to try to beat that number a little bit each day – with the eventual goal of hitting 10k steps daily.  Its supposed to be beautiful here today.  I am hoping to try to get a run in tonight, in addition to my double dose of squats and pushups. 

So far – my biggest issue has been saying NO to the mindless snacking at night when I’m bored or watching TV.  I don’t need it.  I’m not even hungry.  But I want it.  I crave it.  I get depressed and even irritable about it.  I keep telling myself that I’m detoxing or something.  Its craving sugars or carbs – or just having something to do with my hands.  I’ve been able to say no so far – but it’s something I really struggle with.  I am also assuming that this is something that will get easier with time. 

I want so very badly to get on the scale.  I want to be below 250.  I want to see that the changes I’ve been making are doing something.  But I don’t want to know.  I don’t want to weigh myself only to find that there is no change – or worse – an increase.  It’s a double edged sword.  Oh – and it’s only been two days.  But I’m impatient – and I want results yesterday.  But this is real life, and not a reality TV show.  I don’t have a personal chef cooking for me, or 8-10 hours a day to spend at the gym, or a personal trainer  in my face keeping me focused.  I only have me and my reflection, and I’ve already said I don’t get along with the reflection in the mirror.  So it’s just me.  And I’m human.  And I keep putting off taking a “Before” picture.  That’s one reality I just don’t want to face.  And one more that I just need to. 

I’m a work in progress. 

The April Challenge

Here we are again – how many years later?  And I’m still fighting the same fight.  The Battle of the Bulge (at my waistline).  I’ve never been very successful at this – but I think It’s just because I’m happy.  Sounds weird, right?  Let me explain.  I am NOT happy with my body, or my weight.  I hate my reflection in the mirror.  When I weighed in this morning, the number is the highest it’s been in almost 9 years.  I knew it was getting up there.  I quit smoking at the end of September - and I'm sure I put on a few pounds there - but I refused to weigh in.  My doctors changed my birth control and my seizure/migraine medication at the end of last year.  My weight began to climb.  I put on 15 pounds in a month.  That was in late November.  I swore I wouldn't start 2016 over 240 pounds... but It happened.  I’ve put on another 5 pounds since then.  But when you complain about feeling/looking fat, and your husband and kids tell you you’re beautiful, and perfect just the way you are… it makes it easy to justify just one more cookie.  Or a second or third soft drink.  Or eating out because it's too late to cook.  Or last night when I knew I was starting my diet today – and I binged on Reese’s Eggs and M&Ms. 

It’s easy to make excuses.  It’s easy to find a reason why you can cheat.  It’s a birthday.  It’s a Friday.  It’s Easter.  And I have found it’s much easier to avoid mirrors/reflections than I had originally thought. 

Its old. 

I am recommitting myself today, and the first step is admitting you have a problem, right?  Well… here it goes.  My name is Rebecca.  I am 33 years old, I weigh 251.2 pounds, and I am obese.  I have an unhealthy relationship with food.  And it’s time to make a change.

I think one of my issues has always been that I have set goals that are TOO high – TOO much.  I need to set smaller, more attainable goals, and go from there.  So that’s the way I am approaching it this time.  I am focusing on April – and nothing further than that.  I have certain goals, or changes that I want to make.  I want to commit fully to that for the entire month of April – and then see how I feel.  I will make changes after that – as I know all of these cannot/won’t be possible to hold to for the rest of my life. 

So here they are:  My April Goals

• Complete the 30 day Water Challenge – which is to drink half my weight in ounces of water each day.  That’s 126 ounces of water every day for the next 34 days. 

• Coffee and Water only for the month – No soft drinks, beer, wine etc.  A Gatorade is acceptable IF I have a migraine. 

• Complete the squat/push-up challenge (follow calendar)

• Exercise 3 days a week – either run or do a video (30 day shred, Zumba, Yoga, etc.)

• NO fast food.  Period. 

• Take before/after pics

• Lose 10 pounds

• Try to eat at 1600 calories (plus exercise cals) each day

There is ONE exception to this plan.  And THAT would be April 4^th.  April 4^th is opening day – and I’m allowing myself to have a few beers that day.  But that is IT.  One exception to the rule. 

I bought a food journal that I am going to use each day (page example below).  I am hoping that it will help me realize some things about my relationship with food – as well as help me keep track of my water and calories.  Other than that, I want to weigh in each Monday, and I will only take measurements on the first Monday of each month.  I don’t want to get too obsessive about the scale or the measuring tape like I have in the past. 

So here goes... well... everything.  Wish me luck!  I'm going to need it. 

 

Not again...

It’s been a while again.  I have been having some health issues lately.  My migraines have been out of control.  I have been in bed for weeks at a time, have tried more medications than I can count, have been through countless tests – and my head still hurts.  One of the biggest things that they have done is changed my birth control multiple times because the hormones trigger severe migraines.  So I had one last stop before the IUD or getting my tubes tied – to the depo shot. It is well documented that one of the main side effects of the shot is weight gain.  OF COURSE this would hit me.  I don’t know the exact number, because I haven’t been back to the OBGYN, but based on the number at the Family Doc last week, I’m guessing I’ve put on about 20 pounds in about 6 weeks.  On November 24^th, I weighed in at my heaviest in YEARS – 244.  I haven’t had a period in a while, and probably won’t because of the shot.  I was on crazy meds because of the migraines. So I don’t know if I was holding water because of one or both, or if it’s all from the shot, but I was devastated.  244 pounds.  How did I let it get to this again? 

 

I have got to be realistic.  Now is the time of year when I am the worst.  I suffer from seasonal depression.  I want to crawl in a hole and come out in April.  I don’t want to do anything other than lay on the couch under a blanket.  I can’t set myself up to fail – again.  I can’t say I’m going to work out 5 days a week when I know I’m not going to, so I want to start with small goals.  Drink more water.  Walk 15 minutes a day.  Something.  Anything.  I just can’t.  I won’t.  I won’t start out 2016 over 240 pounds.  I won’t.  Today, didn’t wake up with a headache, and I brought my water.  Today, I will meet my water goals, and walk for 15 minutes.  Today, I will start again.    

I'm a non-smoker?

Yes, you read that right ladies and gents - I have officially quit smoking. 

I think. 

I have been on Chantix for a little over two weeks now.  Today is my official quit day.  I have not had a cigarette since 11:30pm last night.  I've had a few cravings today - but so far, I've beaten them all.  In fact, I was/am so confident in myself, I didn't even bring cigarettes with me today.  I do have my e-cig with me, but I haven't used it.  I've held it - but haven't actually used it. 

I am scared.  I have been a smoker for 20 years - and only being 32, that's saying something.  I don't know who I am as a non-smoker.  I'm sure I'm the same person - maybe just not as smelly - but what if I'm not?  My husband is a smoker (and also plans to quit, but wanted to see if the Chantix worked for me).  Can I be successful while he is still smoking?  Will I think he smells bad?  Will it cause issues in our relationship? 

And oh my dear God - the weight gain.  One of my best friends just told me (literally, 5 minutes ago) that she gained 18 pounds when she quit.  Not to mention the fact that one of the reasons I haven't been posting a lot lately is that there is no news to report.  I'm not losing anything.  The last time I got on the scale I was still 226.  I measured myself today, and I'm still the same in all the places that matter (to me).  So if I'm eating right, working out, not losing weight, and quitting smoking.... 

I.  Can't.  Even. 

Just thinking about it is stressing me out, and making me want a cigarette.  I have Jolly Ranchers, Blow Pops, and gum.  And yes, I know the calorie count of each. 

I am freaking out.  Wish me luck. 

OH. MY. GOD.

I am an IDIOT. 

I have been wracking my brain for WEEKS now trying to figure out why I wasn’t losing weight.  I wasn’t gaining anything, I just wasn’t losing any either.  And it just hit me – not 5 minutes ago.  I figured it the fuck out. 

So yesterday after writing my post, I decided to hit the boards on MyFitnessPal to try to see if I could find any ideas.  While looking over some of the topics (I haven’t been on the boards in a LONG time, and they’re not the same anymore) I found some of the groups that I (used to) belong to.  One of them is the IPOARM – or In Place of a Road Map.  When I first started lifting weights, I was trying out the New Rules of Lifting for Women.  I asked for help on how to calculate calories, both on how much I should eat, and how much you burn, I was introduced to IPOARM.  This was how I figured out how to calculate my BMR, TDEE, deficit, etc. 

I was looking for a certain thread I remembered from EONS ago, and found the instruction page instead.  I read the whole thing, remembered I already knew how to do the calculations, and moved on.  I never found the original thread I was looking for, BTW.  So today, I go to a friend’s page on MFP to send her a message, and glanced at her listed of races she has competed in – JESUS CHRIST.  Below that, she listed her BMR, TDEE, etc.  And it clicked. 

When I began running 7 weeks ago – I had been calculating my calories based on a sedentary lifestyle.  I’m running 3-5 days a week – which is two levels up in the “Moderate” category.  Long story short – the number of calories I was using is ACTUALLY about 100 calories more than my current BMR.  On the days I thought I was taking an extra 100 or 200 calorie deficit, or not eating my exercise calories back – I was eating under my BMR.  Way under.  And don’t even talk about my TDEE.  I was off by about 600 calories. 

I have been STARVING MYSELF!! My body is holding on to all this fat and weight because I am quite literally starving myself!  I would drop a pound or two here or there, then within a few days, I was right back where I started.  I don’t know why I didn’t figure this out earlier.  I KNOW this stuff – which is why I am such a damn idiot.  It was right there in front of me the whole time. 

I am excited – because I finally feel like I have figured out what the issue was.  I may see a gain over the next few days/weeks, until my body realizes it doesn’t need to store it, that it can actually use it for fuel.  But I will take a temporary gain, if it means getting things moving in the right direction in the long run.  Patience is a virtue, right?