OH. MY. GOD.

I am an IDIOT. 

I have been wracking my brain for WEEKS now trying to figure out why I wasn’t losing weight.  I wasn’t gaining anything, I just wasn’t losing any either.  And it just hit me – not 5 minutes ago.  I figured it the fuck out. 

So yesterday after writing my post, I decided to hit the boards on MyFitnessPal to try to see if I could find any ideas.  While looking over some of the topics (I haven’t been on the boards in a LONG time, and they’re not the same anymore) I found some of the groups that I (used to) belong to.  One of them is the IPOARM – or In Place of a Road Map.  When I first started lifting weights, I was trying out the New Rules of Lifting for Women.  I asked for help on how to calculate calories, both on how much I should eat, and how much you burn, I was introduced to IPOARM.  This was how I figured out how to calculate my BMR, TDEE, deficit, etc. 

I was looking for a certain thread I remembered from EONS ago, and found the instruction page instead.  I read the whole thing, remembered I already knew how to do the calculations, and moved on.  I never found the original thread I was looking for, BTW.  So today, I go to a friend’s page on MFP to send her a message, and glanced at her listed of races she has competed in – JESUS CHRIST.  Below that, she listed her BMR, TDEE, etc.  And it clicked. 

When I began running 7 weeks ago – I had been calculating my calories based on a sedentary lifestyle.  I’m running 3-5 days a week – which is two levels up in the “Moderate” category.  Long story short – the number of calories I was using is ACTUALLY about 100 calories more than my current BMR.  On the days I thought I was taking an extra 100 or 200 calorie deficit, or not eating my exercise calories back – I was eating under my BMR.  Way under.  And don’t even talk about my TDEE.  I was off by about 600 calories. 

I have been STARVING MYSELF!! My body is holding on to all this fat and weight because I am quite literally starving myself!  I would drop a pound or two here or there, then within a few days, I was right back where I started.  I don’t know why I didn’t figure this out earlier.  I KNOW this stuff – which is why I am such a damn idiot.  It was right there in front of me the whole time. 

I am excited – because I finally feel like I have figured out what the issue was.  I may see a gain over the next few days/weeks, until my body realizes it doesn’t need to store it, that it can actually use it for fuel.  But I will take a temporary gain, if it means getting things moving in the right direction in the long run.  Patience is a virtue, right?