The Struggle is Real

Well, tonight is the dreaded W5D3 workout of C25k - the 20 minute run.  I KNOW in my head that it is all in my head.  It's a mental block.  I've done fine with the 5 and 8 minute runs – but 20 minutes sounds daunting.  It sounds insane, impossible, but I will do my best.  The only thing I can do is my best.  I’ll run till my lungs or legs give out. 

I’m still not really losing weight.  My body is changing – but not that much.  I’ve lost some inches here and there, but nothing that requires new clothes yet.  I’m still in the same pair of jeans, and still wearing the same size tops.  It’s extremely frustrating.  This has been 3 months now I’ve been at this – and I’ve lost about 4 pounds – and that’s just been in the last two weeks.  I keep waiting for the scale to move, for the measuring tape to move, for someone to say they have noticed, but it’s not happening. 

This is the timeframe that scares me.  This is the point where I begin to feel like I’m not supposed to weigh any less – that this is where I am supposed to be.  This is the point that I feel like giving up, and just going back to watching TV and eating chips.  My motivation is slowly waning away.  I need something that will keep me moving – keep me running – keep me eating right.  This is the point where I decide who I am, and what I want.  Will I choose the path I’ve chosen every other time, and give up?  Or will this be the time that I don’t give up?  Will I continue?  Will I finally reach my goals?

I hope so – but I’m struggling.