Struggle and Reward

Another week, and more frustration.  Neither the scale, nor the tape measure has moved.  I am at week 7 of C25k, and I was watching my calories and walking for a month before that.  Wanna know what 11 weeks has gotten me?  NOT A DAMN THING.  Weight-wise, anyway. 

 I want to continue running – even after the 5k here in a few weeks, strictly for the cardiovascular health, and because as sick as it is, I actually enjoy it.  But is that it?  Should I add something else?  Go back to Jillian Michaels, or Zumba or something?  I was at a breaking point last week – and while I still feel like I am teetering close to the edge, I am more in favor of continuing this time around.  Quitting has gotten me nowhere in the past.  I always end up back at the same damn spot.  And I’m tired.  I am literally exhausted from feeling this way.  It is mentally, emotionally, and physically draining.  Yet with every passing week with no changes, I get pulled just a few inches closer to the dark side. 

This morning, I got up and ran at 5:30am.  I was running in the dark, not a soul awake yet, and I was pushing myself – hard.  Last night, I was not very happy with my run, so I decided to repeat the workout, and see if I could beat my own split pace.  I was about ½ mile in, and a quote I read recently came to mind.  Madie’s soccer coach sent it out to us to share with the girls.  It was written in a note from a coach to a player.   The coach had observed the player training by herself early one morning.  As he watched, she pushed herself through sprint after sprint, falling to the ground and gasping for breath.  He said “The true vision of a champion is someone bent over, drenched in sweat, at the point of exhaustion, when no one else it watching”.  The coach was 22 time National Champion University of North Carolina head coach, Anson Dorrance.  The player was Mia Hamm.

I felt like a champion while training this morning.  And I felt like a failure as soon as I stepped on the scale.  It feels good to work hard, to push your mind and your body past it’s limits.  But just like anything else in this world, it is hard to continue to work hard and push yourself when there is no reward. 

 

Imma need that reward soon.