EPIC FAIL / 5:2

Okay – so here we go.

I have not been good.  At ANY of my April goals.  Let’s recap. 

·         Complete the 30 day Water Challenge – which is to drink half my weight in ounces of water each day.  That’s 126 ounces of water every day for the next 34 days.  FAIL.  I have been better at this than other things, but definitely have not met this daily goal. 

·         Coffee and Water only for the month – No soft drinks, beer, wine etc.  A Gatorade is acceptable IF I have a migraine.  FAIL.  I’ve had beer – which I planned for.  But I’ve had my margarita mix, a few Pepsi’s and a glass of wine or two.  I did finally replace the Pepsi with a Crystal Light Raspberry Lemonade.  I can do that.  5 calories, and no extra sugars… I don’t feel so guilty about it. 

·         Complete the squat/push-up challenge (follow calendar) EPIC FAIL.  I did one day. ONE.  FUCKING.  DAY. 

·         Exercise 3 days a week – either run or do a video (30 day shred, Zumba, Yoga, etc.) FAIL.  I walked for a few days – then the weather took a turn for the worse… and FAIL.  I have not ran once, nor have a done a workout DVD. 

·         NO fast food.  Period.  FAIL.  While I’ve been pretty good at this, I have eaten out a few times. 

·         Take before/after pics  FAIL. 

·         Lose 10 pounds  FAIL.  Well, the month isn’t over yet, but if I make it, it will be a miracle.  I’ve actually gained according to this morning’s weigh in.  4.7 pounds since 03/28. 

·         Try to eat at 1600 calories (plus exercise cals) each day  FAIL.  I haven’t even been logging my calories.  A few days – maybe.  This past week – I couldn’t tell you, but I’d be surprised if my numbers were that low. 

So, as you can see, I’m doing pretty good.  EPIC FAIL!!!

Here’s the thing about me.  I get really excited about something, and I stick to it, for like, a week.  Maybe two.  And then – it’s like running into a concrete wall.  It just stops.  The drive, the motivation, everything.  And I eat a bag of Dorito’s at 11pm on a Tuesday.  Why?  Because I’m bored.  And they’re delicious.  DAMNIT.  I don’t like the fad diets.  Everyone believes in something else.  Try Weight Watchers… Try Atkins… Try combining the both and see what works for you.  Don’t eat carbs.  Don’t eat meat.  Don’t eat vegetables.  Don’t eat processed food, or sugar, or gluten, or food.  It’s overwhelming. 

Now – let’s talk about the Depo shot.  The best worst thing that I’ve ever done.  I’ve been on the shot since October.  While I don’t have exact numbers (I need to ask my Dr. for these) I know in September (21^st) I weighed in at 232.4.  I received the second shot in January, and the third last Friday.  Today I weighed in at 255.9  - a new 8 year record for me.  That is a 23.5 pound difference.  I know I quit smoking during that same time frame  - so some of the weight could be smoking related – but that is hardly the point.  23.5 fucking pounds.  I hate myself.  How much is the shot?  How much is the smoking?  And how much is me being a lazy ass that eats entirely too god-damned much?

And then yesterday happened.  Yesterday was my Mom’s birthday, and we all went to dinner to celebrate.  And there is my picture-happy sister taking 100+ pictures of all of us.  And then she posted them on Facebook.  And then reality set in.  It was the first day nice enough that I wore a sleeveless shirt.  I seriously regret that now.  The shirt was new – size XL – and it was tight on my chest.  Then there’s the arms.  OMG THE ARMS!!!  I would also like to add that my sister doesn’t use photo shop.  What you see is what you get.  I.  HATE.  MY.  BODY.  I am disgusted and embarrassed by these photos – and I wish she would take them down.

 

 

So – where am I going with this?  I have a new plan – or at least one that I am going to try.  I had read a while ago an interview that Jimmy Kimmel had done where he was asked about his weight loss.  He said that he was doing the 5:2 diet.  That he was mean on the 2 days, and ate like a glutton on the 5 days.  I had no idea what it meant – and the article didn’t go into much detail.  Then today, the Business Insider published an article on the Fast Diet, aka the 5:2.  The basic gist of it is this:  You fast for 2 days of the week, cutting your calorie intake to ¼ of what it normally is – usually to about 400-500 calories.  The other 5 days – you eat like you normally would.  I was intrigued, so I started looking around.  I have not seen much negative feedback on this – but a LOT of positive.  And I feel – because of my current eating habits – that this is actually something I could sustain. 

http://www.businessinsider.com/facts-and-science-about-the-fast-diet-2016-4?utm_content=buffer39dfb&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

So I’m giving it a shot.  I ordered the book, and I’m doing my first fast day today.  And if it doesn’t work – I’m getting OFF the depo shot in 3 months.    I can’t keep gaining.  I just can’t...