I HATE the scale

I hate the scale.  And when I say hate, I don’t even think that is a strong enough word.  We had our weigh in today for the Biggest Loser competition at work.  I wasn’t the best, but I wasn’t the worst.  I only lost a pound.  One side of me is proud.  I did it.  I lost my pound per week.  That’s one less pound on my body, and one less pound I still have left to lose. 

The other side of me is ranting in R rated language that would make Joe Pesci blush  Now, Mama didn’t raise no fool.  I know that my weigh fluctuates tremendously from day to day, hour to hour.  Hell, I’ve gained and lost 7 pounds since MONDAY.  But come the fuck on.  ONE damn pound since last week?!?!?  This is beyond frustrating.  I feel like I did all this work, and for what?  ONE measly pound?  I am seriously hoping that is this still water weight from the detox, and working out, and stress, and that number is magically going to plummet 1-2 more whole numbers.  By like, tomorrow.    

And while I want nothing more than to dive head first into a bag of Lays Salt and Vinegar chips followed by 2 or 3 Mountain Dews… I refuse.  Because I KNOW that the scale is an evil lying bitch that was created by food companies to drive you to binge eat their delicious snacks.  Mother.  Fuckers. – I’m on to you.    

I’m going to go eat my baked chicken and carrots now. 

 … And the FatGirl stomps away. 

C25K - Day 1!!!

Yesterday when I got home from work I was pumped to get to the gym.  Matt was already home, and had been playing a game on the Wii.  We have been playing Mario Galaxy with the kids since Madie got it for Christmas, and honestly, we are both addicted to it.  He wanted me to help him get a new star – he had been working on it and just couldn’t get it.  So I sat down to help.  After a few tries, we beat the world, and he asked me if I wanted to play another board, or go to the gym.  I immediately responded with “Play another board!”.  I know, I know.  As we sat there and played, I fought with myself about not going.  The couch was cozy, the game was fun, and it was bitterly cold outside.  I could skip it.  I could do it tomorrow.  I could…. GAME OVER.  DAMNIT!  We died!!! 

I surprised myself as I jumped up off the couch, and headed to get dressed for the gym.  As I was changing, I yelled to Matt and asked him if he would fill my water bottle up for me while I changed.  I got my workout gear on, bundled up, and grabbed my FitBit.  When I walked to the kitchen, Matt handed me my bag, told me my water was in it, and he would see me later.  And I was off.  In 5 minutes I had gone from talking myself out of going to being out the door and on my way to the gym. 

I had a plan.  I was ready.  I was mentally prepared for this.  I threw all my stuff in a locker, grabbed my water and my iPod, and headed for the treadmills.  I looked for an Arc Trainer – turns out my gym doesn’t have one.  So much for that on my “off” days.  When I got to the treadmills, every other one was taken.  I HATE that.  I HATE being that close to strangers.  I don’t want them looking at my machine and judging how fast I’m going, or what incline I’m on.  It literally drives me nuts.  I had to block it out, and just get it done.  I hopped on, and heard that old friendly C25K lady voice in my earbuds.  “Welcome to C25K!  Begin your warm-up now!”

I set the incline to two.  It was more difficult than normal, but I don’t think it mimics outdoor conditions in any way, shape, or form.  I am a pretty slow runner, so I walked at 3, and ran at 4.5.  I know – not impressive at all, but it’s as fast as I can go right now.  I felt pretty good.  I was shocked when the first running interval was done.  I wasn’t even out of breath!!!  By the third interval, I had a HORRIBLE cramp pop up in my right calf.  And I mean PAINFUL.  I was literally about in tears.  I seriously thought about stopping.  And 6 months ago, I would have.  I would have quit.  And that’s what pushed me.  Only 30 more seconds, and then I get to walk.  I get to take a break.  And I pushed.  And I cried.  And I made it.  I reached for my water, an noticed something.  There was writing all over it.  WTF is this??  I looked closer, and Matt had written notes all over my water bottle when he filled it.  “You got this!”  “I love you!”  “I am Proud of U”  with hearts and smiley faces all over.  It melted my heart.    

 

 

Surprisingly, by the next interval, the cramp was gone.  The rest of the workout went pretty easy.  I never really got out of breath, but I really focused on my breathing.  This is something I have never done, but I have learned from reading about it, and talking to other runners, that your breathing is just as important as anything while running, and if you don’t do it right, then it can actually hold you back. 

 

In 30 Minutes, I completed 7 laps, 1.71 miles, and burned 297 calories (according to my FitBit).  Not bad for a first day.  I felt great afterwards, and I am looking forward to tonight.  I have not decided whether I will work out at the gym or at home, but I am GOING to do something.  I am sure Madie will want to do it with me, so maybe Zumba?  Or the 30DS, and I'll get to workout alone...  LOL

 

Stay Tuned!!!

C25K - and BEYOND!!!

Okay - so this is getting a bit ridiculous, I'm aware.  Three posts in ONE day?  I know, I know - but i'm excited!!!

I have decided to give C25K another go.  Last round, I made it up to Week 5, Day Three, then quit.  I couldn't get past it, and I know that it was totally a mental thing, due to the fact I ran the entire Color Run. I just gave up on myself. 

Anyway, to stay on my game, and stay focused, I have decided to chronical each day of my C25K training.  Along with that, the app gives you a quote for every day you sign in.  I will be posting the quotes as part of my workout reviews.  I found a few new friends on MFP that are all starting C25K tonight - which is exactly how I met Christy - my little running inspiration! 

I am starting tonight, Week One, Day One.  Its 19 degrees outside, and the wind, she's a blowin'.  I will be doing the first run on the treadmill with some sort of resistance.  I haven't decided whether to do a hill interval run, or just a 1-2% incline....  I'm waiting to hear back from the expert on that one. 

The plan is to follow the program precisely.  No off days, no "I'll do it tomorrow"s.  3 days a week, for 8 weeks.  Now time for the monkey wrench.  I have talked and talked about C25K repeatedly on here, but I have actually downloaded the C210K app.  It is a 14 week program, with running a 10K on Day One of week 15 - which just so happens to coincide with Memorial Day weekend, the kick off to summer.  Thats 15 weeks, 45 workouts, and hopefully 30 pounds.  I also would like to get an extra workout or two in each week, putting me up to 4-5 days a week.  I don't want to be too strict on what I am doing those days.  Maybe Zumba or the Brazil Butt Lift, or the 30DS.  Maybe it will be an extra run, or some weight training stuff.  I also have this calendar I want to follow from The Sisterhood of Shrinking Jeans.  Each month they dedicate to a different area of the body.  I am going to work on Gunshow February - obviously arm exercises.  Those exercises only take about 10 - 15 minutes, and for the sake of my home life, I'd like to keep my workouts at about an hour long. 

And without getting ahead of myself - the ultimate goal here would be to continue after the 15 weeks, on to the half marathon (13.1) and eventually to the full marathon (26.2).  Yes, they have an app for that.  Week One of the 26.2 wants you to run 5 miles.  We're gonna have to build up to that.  :)

I have also decided to take a picture for every 10 pounds I lose.  I didn't like the monthly pictures when I wasn't getting results.  I think weekly would be too much, but I think 10 pound markers would be a good way to watch my progression - along with the measurements and weigh ins I already do. 

So here is today - all 224 pounds of me.   I will probably post another pic at 220.  Checking back in at 214 just sounds silly.  And I will check in after my run, either tonight, or tomorrow! 

EEK!!!  I'm actually excited about this!!!  Not the picture, the workout tonight, and the adventure ahead!  To C25K... AND BEYOND!!!

Random.

I have a few thoughts in my head today that I need to get down on paper.  Which means this will probably turn into a novel.  But who cares, right?  I’m the only damn person that reads this anyway!

 I’m back.  Well – I feel like I’m back, anyway.  I am all over the good for you food, staying away from the junk, completed my detox, and headed to the gym tonight.  I don’t really have the cravings for the bad stuff anymore – which the detox helps with.  The lack of caffeine headaches have stopped, and I have been drinking a ton of water – more than my daily “have-to” amount. 

I am trying to do everything I can to stay focused.  I have committed to weighing in twice a week – on Mondays for me, my blog, and my promise to myself, and on Wednesdays for the Biggest Loser Competition at work.  I have been trying to build a better, stronger support system.  I have reached out to friends for help when I am going to need it.  HoJ and I made a deal.  Krista I can always call.  My Mama-bear as always.  But I also surprised myself.  I reached out to my friends on MFP, and asked that they send me some more supportive people.  I got several new “friends” that have been awesome.  But one “old” friend has been awesome!  Her name is Christy – and I *really* admire her. 

 Christy and I became friends when both of us began C25k at the same time.  She graduated, while I, most sadly, did not.  She has run in a 5k what seems like every weekend since then.  She does two-a-days like it’s her job, has met her goal weight, and looks like a rock star.  Not to mention the lifelong hurdles she jumped to get to that point – which is her business, so I won’t say it here.  She checks on me, encourages me, pats me on the back, and sends me inspirational quotes and pictures.  She’s seriously freaking awesome.  I just wish she lived closer, so I could work out with her. 

I seriously need a workout buddy.  L

Then there’s Matt.  He has told me every single day how proud he is of me.  That I’m doing a good job.  To keep it up.  He asked me last night how much I had lost, that he could really tell.  Which of course, is impossible, since it’s only been a few days.  But even though my head knows it’s impossible – it worked.  Because I want more compliments, and I want them to be real, and genuine.  Then today, I was telling him I was nervous about getting the kids back tonight.  The only reason being that I run around like a crazy person when the kids are home being a mom – and “me” time at the gym just does not happen.  He promised me that he was going to cook dinner each night, help with homework, and laundry, and would even chauffer me to and from the gym to make sure I get to go. 

Then – I took a HUGE, and I mean HUGE leap.  I started contacting photographers and getting prices.  I found one, and she has sent me the contract.  I told her that I was still losing weight, and that I didn’t want to do the shoot until July.  She told me when I settle on a date I want, to just let her know.  The next step is giving her the NON REFUNDABLE retainer – which should be a HUGE motivation to get this done.  I am so excited.  And so terrified.  And nervous.  GAH!!!! 

Now the only downside – My Mom gave me some advice that has really, really confused me.  My Mom is my #2 (behind Matt) supporter.  But as I was telling her about altering my dress, and my goals and working out and all that, she said something that has stuck in my head.  She said that she was afraid my goals were too out of reach.  That I might not get there, and that I will beat myself up if I don’t.  And as adamant as I was with her that I could do it, and it’s not that out of reach, she has me second guessing myself.    And I don’t like that.  I try not to think about it, but every once in a while, that voice creeps in my head…  “It’s nevvvvvvvver gonna happen…”

The only way I can think of to make that voice go away is to work out. 

Week 4, Day 1

I am hesitant to mark this down as my weight for the week, but it is Monday, and I did promise I would post every Monday. But I will give you forewarning that there may be two weigh in's this week.
I am *right* in the middle of the Fruit Flush Detox- which if history is any indicator, on Wednesday morning, the scale will plummet!!! As of today - I weigh the exact same - down to the ounce - as I did last week.  227.6
I will definitely be checking in Wednesday!
Here is a reminder of my goals:

• I will weigh in, and report my weight at LEAST once a week, maybe more.
• I will get to the gym (or workout at home) 4 times each week.
• I will cut out the unnecessary sugary drinks, and get back to drinking water.
• I will update the below chart after each week's weigh-in. If I meet the goal listed, the date will be changed to green. If I miss it - it will be red.

Today's weigh-in: 227.6
01/28/13: 226.6
02/04/13: 224.6 228.0
02/11/13: 222.6 227.6
02/18/13: 220.6 227.6
02/25/13: 218.6
03/04/13: 216.6
03/11/13: 214.6
03/18/13: 212.6
03/25/13: 210.6
04/01/13: 208.6
04/08/13: 206.6
04/15/13: 204.6
04/22/13: 202.6
04/29/13: 200.6
05/06/13: 198.6
05/13/13: 196.6
05/20/13: 194.6
05/27/13: 192.6
06/03/13: 190.6
06/10/13: 188.6
06/17/13: 186.6
06/24/13: 184.6
07/01/13: 182.6
07/08/13: 180.6
07/15/13: 178.6
07/22/13: 176.6
07/29/13: 174.6
08/05/13: 172.6
08/12/13: 170.6
08/19/13: 168.6
08/26/13: 166.6
08/31/13: My Wedding Day!!! Goal: 165.00

Lent, weddings, and rewards!

Yesterday, one of my favorite Valentines called me -my lil' Heather Jo. She is my oldest and best friend, and she lives 600 miles away in Wisconsin. We have both struggled with our weight/body image our entire lives. And now she is stressing about losing weight for the same reason I am, my wedding in the fall.

I told her that I have really been struggling lately. The numbers on the scale aren't moving like I want them too. The tape measure isn't changing either. I haven't been to the gym in over a week - and I have NO motivation to go. Everyday, I plan for it. And then I get home and the couch and sweats seem like a much better idea.

From experience, on days like this, I know that if I just get up and go, I will feel better after my workout is over, but I have not been able to get over that hump. I have chosen the couch every night this week.

She has been the exact opposite. She busts her ass at the gym for an hour every single day, but derails herself by hitting a fast food place on the way home. Those of you from Wisconsin will understand this - but cheese curds are her nemisiss, and her favorite.

We are both emotional and stress eaters. And we both have fallen victim to that lately. So we decided yesterday that we were going to be each other's support system. Anytime we feel like binging, we have to pick up the phone, call the other, and get permission first. Because sometimes, a bowl of icecream really *is* the only solution. ;)

Since I gave up Facebook for Lent, this will just be another reason for her and I to talk more frequently, and to support each other. She told me that she had given up bread and pasta for Lent. I immediately wondered why the hell I had not thought of that. I LOVE me some carbs. Pasta is just about my favorite food in the world. I could eat it every night of the week. So I told her that I would give it up with her. So, for the next 38 days, NO Facebook, NO pasta, NO bread. THIS should be interesting.

Last night I decided to pull some motiviation out of the abyss. I went back on my blog (A Fat Girl Walks into a Bar...) and looked at the posts from this time last year, and I found what really kickstarted me. I did a 3 day detox call the Fruit Flush. I don't know WHY it motivated me the way it did, but it did. And I need that feeling back. I need that sense of accomplishment. Maybe my body is just riddled with all the junk I have put in it over the last few months, and I need to get it out. I felt amazing when those 3 days were over. And on day 4, I hit the gym. Hard. And I didn't give up.

So I'm doing it. Again. Starting tomorrow, I am doing the Fruit Flush again. Day one is protein shakes all day, then days two and three are fruit all day. Okay - so it's a lot more complicated than that, but that's the easy explaination. By Tuesday of next week, I will be able to start working out.

I want this now more than ever. I am doing this for my wedding. I know that on that particular day, no matter my size, I will feel beautiful. But - I want to feel beautiful when I look at the pictures a year after. I want to prove to myself that I can do this. I want to shove it in everyones face that said I couldn't. Or say that I can't.

And then I figured out the most awesome present to myself. IF I meet my July 15th goal (6 weeks before my wedding) of 175 pounds, I am going to reward myself with a full day of pampering - including a boudoir photo shoot!!! For those of you that don't know, boudoir photography is pretty much candid and posed photographs of the subject partly clothed or in lingerie. Some of the photos are implied nudity, but not acutal nudity. It is very classy, very sensual, and something I've thought about for a LONG time. What better what to show off my new, sexy, confident self, than by doing an intimate photo shoot? Completely glam hair and makeup, and pictures, outfits and poses that are meant to make me look my absolute best. Then, I can have the pictures made into a book, and give it to my husband on our wedding day with a note that simply says - "for your eyes only..." EEK!

So that's it. It's GAME. FUCKING. ON. And I need every damn last one of you to bust my ass if you see me falling off the wagon. I am going to push like I never have before. It is time to focus and get on point. No excuses.

Week 3, Day One

Well, I still didn't quite meet the goal I wanted to. Apparently, I need to switch something up. Eat more, eat less, who knows. I just have to keep tweaking my diet until I figure it out - and hopefully not get too frustrated along the way. Not really happy today. :(

Here is a reminder of my goals:

• I will weigh in, and report my weight at LEAST once a week, maybe more.
• I will get to the gym (or workout at home) 4 times each week.
• I will cut out the unnecessary sugary drinks, and get back to drinking water.
• I will update the below chart after each week's weigh-in. If I meet the goal listed, the date will be changed to green. If I miss it - it will be red.

Today's weigh-in: 227.6

01/28/13: 226.6

02/04/13: 224.6 228.0

02/11/13: 222.6 227.6

02/18/13: 220.6

02/25/13: 218.6

03/04/13: 216.6

03/11/13: 214.6

03/18/13: 212.6

03/25/13: 210.6

04/01/13: 208.6

04/08/13: 206.6

04/15/13: 204.6

04/22/13: 202.6

04/29/13: 200.6

05/06/13: 198.6

05/13/13: 196.6

05/20/13: 194.6

05/27/13: 192.6

06/03/13: 190.6

06/10/13: 188.6

06/17/13: 186.6

06/24/13: 184.6

07/01/13: 182.6

07/08/13: 180.6

07/15/13: 178.6

07/22/13: 176.6

07/29/13: 174.6

08/05/13: 172.6

08/12/13: 170.6

08/19/13: 168.6

08/26/13: 166.6

08/31/13: My Wedding Day!!! Goal: 165.00