Random.

I have a few thoughts in my head today that I need to get down on paper.  Which means this will probably turn into a novel.  But who cares, right?  I’m the only damn person that reads this anyway!

 I’m back.  Well – I feel like I’m back, anyway.  I am all over the good for you food, staying away from the junk, completed my detox, and headed to the gym tonight.  I don’t really have the cravings for the bad stuff anymore – which the detox helps with.  The lack of caffeine headaches have stopped, and I have been drinking a ton of water – more than my daily “have-to” amount. 

I am trying to do everything I can to stay focused.  I have committed to weighing in twice a week – on Mondays for me, my blog, and my promise to myself, and on Wednesdays for the Biggest Loser Competition at work.  I have been trying to build a better, stronger support system.  I have reached out to friends for help when I am going to need it.  HoJ and I made a deal.  Krista I can always call.  My Mama-bear as always.  But I also surprised myself.  I reached out to my friends on MFP, and asked that they send me some more supportive people.  I got several new “friends” that have been awesome.  But one “old” friend has been awesome!  Her name is Christy – and I *really* admire her. 

 Christy and I became friends when both of us began C25k at the same time.  She graduated, while I, most sadly, did not.  She has run in a 5k what seems like every weekend since then.  She does two-a-days like it’s her job, has met her goal weight, and looks like a rock star.  Not to mention the lifelong hurdles she jumped to get to that point – which is her business, so I won’t say it here.  She checks on me, encourages me, pats me on the back, and sends me inspirational quotes and pictures.  She’s seriously freaking awesome.  I just wish she lived closer, so I could work out with her. 

I seriously need a workout buddy.  L

Then there’s Matt.  He has told me every single day how proud he is of me.  That I’m doing a good job.  To keep it up.  He asked me last night how much I had lost, that he could really tell.  Which of course, is impossible, since it’s only been a few days.  But even though my head knows it’s impossible – it worked.  Because I want more compliments, and I want them to be real, and genuine.  Then today, I was telling him I was nervous about getting the kids back tonight.  The only reason being that I run around like a crazy person when the kids are home being a mom – and “me” time at the gym just does not happen.  He promised me that he was going to cook dinner each night, help with homework, and laundry, and would even chauffer me to and from the gym to make sure I get to go. 

Then – I took a HUGE, and I mean HUGE leap.  I started contacting photographers and getting prices.  I found one, and she has sent me the contract.  I told her that I was still losing weight, and that I didn’t want to do the shoot until July.  She told me when I settle on a date I want, to just let her know.  The next step is giving her the NON REFUNDABLE retainer – which should be a HUGE motivation to get this done.  I am so excited.  And so terrified.  And nervous.  GAH!!!! 

Now the only downside – My Mom gave me some advice that has really, really confused me.  My Mom is my #2 (behind Matt) supporter.  But as I was telling her about altering my dress, and my goals and working out and all that, she said something that has stuck in my head.  She said that she was afraid my goals were too out of reach.  That I might not get there, and that I will beat myself up if I don’t.  And as adamant as I was with her that I could do it, and it’s not that out of reach, she has me second guessing myself.    And I don’t like that.  I try not to think about it, but every once in a while, that voice creeps in my head…  “It’s nevvvvvvvver gonna happen…”

The only way I can think of to make that voice go away is to work out. 

Week 4, Day 1

I am hesitant to mark this down as my weight for the week, but it is Monday, and I did promise I would post every Monday. But I will give you forewarning that there may be two weigh in's this week.
I am *right* in the middle of the Fruit Flush Detox- which if history is any indicator, on Wednesday morning, the scale will plummet!!! As of today - I weigh the exact same - down to the ounce - as I did last week.  227.6
I will definitely be checking in Wednesday!
Here is a reminder of my goals:

• I will weigh in, and report my weight at LEAST once a week, maybe more.
• I will get to the gym (or workout at home) 4 times each week.
• I will cut out the unnecessary sugary drinks, and get back to drinking water.
• I will update the below chart after each week's weigh-in. If I meet the goal listed, the date will be changed to green. If I miss it - it will be red.

Today's weigh-in: 227.6
01/28/13: 226.6
02/04/13: 224.6 228.0
02/11/13: 222.6 227.6
02/18/13: 220.6 227.6
02/25/13: 218.6
03/04/13: 216.6
03/11/13: 214.6
03/18/13: 212.6
03/25/13: 210.6
04/01/13: 208.6
04/08/13: 206.6
04/15/13: 204.6
04/22/13: 202.6
04/29/13: 200.6
05/06/13: 198.6
05/13/13: 196.6
05/20/13: 194.6
05/27/13: 192.6
06/03/13: 190.6
06/10/13: 188.6
06/17/13: 186.6
06/24/13: 184.6
07/01/13: 182.6
07/08/13: 180.6
07/15/13: 178.6
07/22/13: 176.6
07/29/13: 174.6
08/05/13: 172.6
08/12/13: 170.6
08/19/13: 168.6
08/26/13: 166.6
08/31/13: My Wedding Day!!! Goal: 165.00

Lent, weddings, and rewards!

Yesterday, one of my favorite Valentines called me -my lil' Heather Jo. She is my oldest and best friend, and she lives 600 miles away in Wisconsin. We have both struggled with our weight/body image our entire lives. And now she is stressing about losing weight for the same reason I am, my wedding in the fall.

I told her that I have really been struggling lately. The numbers on the scale aren't moving like I want them too. The tape measure isn't changing either. I haven't been to the gym in over a week - and I have NO motivation to go. Everyday, I plan for it. And then I get home and the couch and sweats seem like a much better idea.

From experience, on days like this, I know that if I just get up and go, I will feel better after my workout is over, but I have not been able to get over that hump. I have chosen the couch every night this week.

She has been the exact opposite. She busts her ass at the gym for an hour every single day, but derails herself by hitting a fast food place on the way home. Those of you from Wisconsin will understand this - but cheese curds are her nemisiss, and her favorite.

We are both emotional and stress eaters. And we both have fallen victim to that lately. So we decided yesterday that we were going to be each other's support system. Anytime we feel like binging, we have to pick up the phone, call the other, and get permission first. Because sometimes, a bowl of icecream really *is* the only solution. ;)

Since I gave up Facebook for Lent, this will just be another reason for her and I to talk more frequently, and to support each other. She told me that she had given up bread and pasta for Lent. I immediately wondered why the hell I had not thought of that. I LOVE me some carbs. Pasta is just about my favorite food in the world. I could eat it every night of the week. So I told her that I would give it up with her. So, for the next 38 days, NO Facebook, NO pasta, NO bread. THIS should be interesting.

Last night I decided to pull some motiviation out of the abyss. I went back on my blog (A Fat Girl Walks into a Bar...) and looked at the posts from this time last year, and I found what really kickstarted me. I did a 3 day detox call the Fruit Flush. I don't know WHY it motivated me the way it did, but it did. And I need that feeling back. I need that sense of accomplishment. Maybe my body is just riddled with all the junk I have put in it over the last few months, and I need to get it out. I felt amazing when those 3 days were over. And on day 4, I hit the gym. Hard. And I didn't give up.

So I'm doing it. Again. Starting tomorrow, I am doing the Fruit Flush again. Day one is protein shakes all day, then days two and three are fruit all day. Okay - so it's a lot more complicated than that, but that's the easy explaination. By Tuesday of next week, I will be able to start working out.

I want this now more than ever. I am doing this for my wedding. I know that on that particular day, no matter my size, I will feel beautiful. But - I want to feel beautiful when I look at the pictures a year after. I want to prove to myself that I can do this. I want to shove it in everyones face that said I couldn't. Or say that I can't.

And then I figured out the most awesome present to myself. IF I meet my July 15th goal (6 weeks before my wedding) of 175 pounds, I am going to reward myself with a full day of pampering - including a boudoir photo shoot!!! For those of you that don't know, boudoir photography is pretty much candid and posed photographs of the subject partly clothed or in lingerie. Some of the photos are implied nudity, but not acutal nudity. It is very classy, very sensual, and something I've thought about for a LONG time. What better what to show off my new, sexy, confident self, than by doing an intimate photo shoot? Completely glam hair and makeup, and pictures, outfits and poses that are meant to make me look my absolute best. Then, I can have the pictures made into a book, and give it to my husband on our wedding day with a note that simply says - "for your eyes only..." EEK!

So that's it. It's GAME. FUCKING. ON. And I need every damn last one of you to bust my ass if you see me falling off the wagon. I am going to push like I never have before. It is time to focus and get on point. No excuses.

Week 3, Day One

Well, I still didn't quite meet the goal I wanted to. Apparently, I need to switch something up. Eat more, eat less, who knows. I just have to keep tweaking my diet until I figure it out - and hopefully not get too frustrated along the way. Not really happy today. :(

Here is a reminder of my goals:

• I will weigh in, and report my weight at LEAST once a week, maybe more.
• I will get to the gym (or workout at home) 4 times each week.
• I will cut out the unnecessary sugary drinks, and get back to drinking water.
• I will update the below chart after each week's weigh-in. If I meet the goal listed, the date will be changed to green. If I miss it - it will be red.

Today's weigh-in: 227.6

01/28/13: 226.6

02/04/13: 224.6 228.0

02/11/13: 222.6 227.6

02/18/13: 220.6

02/25/13: 218.6

03/04/13: 216.6

03/11/13: 214.6

03/18/13: 212.6

03/25/13: 210.6

04/01/13: 208.6

04/08/13: 206.6

04/15/13: 204.6

04/22/13: 202.6

04/29/13: 200.6

05/06/13: 198.6

05/13/13: 196.6

05/20/13: 194.6

05/27/13: 192.6

06/03/13: 190.6

06/10/13: 188.6

06/17/13: 186.6

06/24/13: 184.6

07/01/13: 182.6

07/08/13: 180.6

07/15/13: 178.6

07/22/13: 176.6

07/29/13: 174.6

08/05/13: 172.6

08/12/13: 170.6

08/19/13: 168.6

08/26/13: 166.6

08/31/13: My Wedding Day!!! Goal: 165.00

Week Two, Day Two

Okay - So it's Tuesday, and not Monday - but let me explain...

Since we are doing the Biggest Loser contest here at work, I brought my scale in for everyone to use. And since this past weekend was my birthday, and I drank like I was 19, I had a two day hangover, which led to me taking the day off of work yesterday. I couldn't weigh in until I got to work today.

While the scale does not reflect my progress, I think that can be explained too. It's TOM in my world right now, which usually means 2-3 pounds of water weight that jumps on my body. I having a feeling that next weeks weigh in will be a BIG loss. Plus, I did everything else I had listed for my goals. I weighed in, I worked out 4 times, I haven't had anything but water and coffee to drink, and I'm updating my progress. I'd say that's pretty good for a first week.

Here is a reminder of my goals:

• I will weigh in, and report my weight at LEAST once a week, maybe more.
• I will get to the gym (or workout at home) 4 times each week.
• I will cut out the unnecessary sugary drinks, and get back to drinking water.
• I will update the below chart after each week's weigh-in. If I meet the goal listed, the date will be changed to green. If I miss it - it will be red. I hope that I never see red.

Today's weigh-in: 228.0

01/28/13: 226.6

02/04/13: 224.6 228.0

02/11/13: 222.6

02/18/13: 220.6

02/25/13: 218.6

03/04/13: 216.6

03/11/13: 214.6

03/18/13: 212.6

03/25/13: 210.6

04/01/13: 208.6

04/08/13: 206.6

04/15/13: 204.6

04/22/13: 202.6

04/29/13: 200.6

05/06/13: 198.6

05/13/13: 196.6

05/20/13: 194.6

05/27/13: 192.6

06/03/13: 190.6

06/10/13: 188.6

06/17/13: 186.6

06/24/13: 184.6

07/01/13: 182.6

07/08/13: 180.6

07/15/13: 178.6

07/22/13: 176.6

07/29/13: 174.6

08/05/13: 172.6

08/12/13: 170.6

08/19/13: 168.6

08/26/13: 166.6

08/31/13: My Wedding Day!!! Goal: 165.00

Week One, Day One

I have been on this road and on this journey for a LONG, LONG time now.  There have been set-backs, detours, traffic-jams, and cows in the road along the way.  But I am still truckin. 

In 215 days, I will marry my best friend.  That is 30 weeks from now.  I have set a moderate goal of losing 2 pounds per week.  If I lose 2 pounds per week for the next 30 weeks, and keep it off, and keep it up, I will be AT my goal weight on the day I walk down the aisle. 

I started personally today.  Next week, the Biggest Loser competition at work is starting.  All of the girls at work are gettig involved.  Weekly weigh-ins, group walks on breaks, water drinking reminders, healthy food days - etc.  This should be a big help.  I have enlisted the help of my favorite 11 year old to get my ass to the gym.  I KNOW I can do this. 

I just have to stick to it.  So here is my pledge.

I will weigh in, and report my weight at LEAST once a week, maybe more. 
I will get to the gym (or workout at home) 4 times each week. 
I will cut out the unnecessary sugary drinks, and get back to drinking water. 
I will update the below chart after each week's weigh-in.  If I meet the goal listed, the date will be changed to green.  If I miss it - it will be red.  I hope that I never see red. 

Today's weigh-in:  226.6

02/04/13:  224.6 
02/11/13:  222.6
02/18/13:  220.6
02/25/13:  218.6
03/04/13:  216.6
03/11/13:  214.6
03/18/13:  212.6
03/25/13:  210.6
04/01/13:  208.6
04/08/13:  206.6
04/15/13:  204.6
04/22/13:  202.6
04/29/13:  200.6
05/06/13:  198.6
05/13/13:  196.6
05/20/13:  194.6
05/27/13:  192.6
06/03/13:  190.6
06/10/13:  188.6
06/17/13:  186.6
06/24/13:  184.6
07/01/13:  182.6
07/08/13:  180.6
07/15/13:  178.6
07/22/13:  176.6
07/29/13:  174.6
08/05/13:  172.6
08/12/13:  170.6
08/19/13:  168.6
08/26/13:  166.6
08/31/13:  My Wedding Day!!!  Goal:  165.00

Time to see what I'm made of....

I have seriously fallen off the wagon since the beginning of November - and if I i'm really being honest, about a month before that. I stopped working out, I stopped eating right, I stopped drinking water and started back on Mt. Dew again. And I have gained most, if not all of the weight I had lost last year back. Yep. In just 3-4 short months, I undid everything I worked so hard to do last year.

I have been really thinking about this a lot lately.  Not doing anything else about it, just thinking.  Then yesterday, we were at the grocery store. We were in the chip aisle picking out snacks. And Matt said something that sent me into a blind, murderous rage. As I carried a bag of chips to the cart, he said "I thought you were on a diet?" Nothing else. Just a simple question. And I lost it. I threw that bag of chips back that the shelves. Literally - threw it - and I'm pretty sure it hit the floor, but I don't know because I stormed off. Seriously? How dare he?  Like he's Mr. Skinny-works-out-all-the-time.  Pshhhhhhh. 

Until I got about 3 aisles away, and realized - he was right. Here I am, pretending (for who, I don't know) that I am still trying to lead this healthy lifestyle I lived and loved last year. But I'm not. I haven't been tracking calories consistantly. I eat and drink what I want, when I want. I don't work out anymore.  Hell, logging on here this morning showed me my last post was OCTOBER 16th!!!  Just who am I trying to kid? And I was pissed at him, because he called me out on my bullshit.  My attitude changed pretty quickly. 

I headed to a different part of the store, and picked up all my old favorites. When I got home last night, I baked chicken for the week. I hard- boiled eggs. I cut and diced fresh pineapple. I spent an hour cutting vegetables, and putting them in snack sized ziploc baggies. I poured out the entire bag of pretzels, and pre-portioned those out. I did the same with gold fish crackers, and peanuts, and almonds. I made s'mores trail-mix for nights I have a sweet tooth. I told Matt to move his damn Mt. Dew to the fridge in the garage. He can have it, but keep it out of my sight - so I'm not tempted.

To top it off, I asked Madie ( My 11 year old) if she wanted to go to the gym with me tonight. She was soooo excited. She loves, and I mean LOVES to exercise. I told her she might have to force me. When she asked what I meant, I told her - When I get home from work, I am going to be tired, and I'm not going to want to go to the gym. But you keep bugging me until I go. My little Madie girl will hold me accountable.

I figure, if I make a promise to myself to go to the gym, and don't tell anyone about it, it's easy to get out of when I am tired 10 hours from now. BUT - if I get someone else involved - Madie being the obvious choice - then it will be easier to go.

This week, the goals are simple. Drink water, not Mt. Dew. Eat the pre-portioned, healthy snacks that I worked so hard to prepare. Get to the gym 4 times this week, and lose 2 pounds by next Monday.

And if I lose 2 pounds per week from now until my wedding, I will reach my ultimate goal weight of 165 pounds by the time I walk down the aisle.

#NOEXCUSES #GOTIME #WHATAREYOUMADEOF?