Let me preface this post by saying... I did NOT write this. This was written by a friend of mine on MFP. To me, this was inspiratonal, and enlightening. And it doesn't matter what side of the weightloss fence you are on.... she covers it all, and gives a very unique perspective of it all... This is a long read - but it's worth EVERY. SINGLE. SECOND. of your time. I PROMISE.
"When you have a body that you hate, that drags you down into the ground and you cannot hold your head high, and you beat yourself up daily and self-hate is such a normal part of your life that you dont even realize it - you take on certain qualities. You deliberately suppress any unattractive emotions, natural responses that may cause people to not like you so much.
No anger, no pushing to get what you need, or going for what you want if no one else wants it, or going against the group/hive mind, no rocking the boat, no taking offense. Oh she;s so sweet, she never gets upset or complains or causes a fuss, she just takes care of it.
When they actually mean that you become a doormat to avoid giving anyone a reason to think of you as anything more than the nice girl- cause if they take a harder look past the sweet and helpful side you offer to the world, they will notice that you are the one thing that doesnt fit into their world, the one thats twice their size, brings down the overall attraction rating for your group of friends, messes up the beautiful grading curve.
Your needs take 3rd or 4th place to everything else. Youd love to have the willpower and determination to spend time taking care of yourself- to change... but I mean, theres so much else to do. Taking care of your home and family, and everything at work, and all the relatives, and giving yourself time to just relax alone and enjoy the quiet, what would all these people do if you stomped your foot and said no more! time to make time for myself! Oh they would not like that at all. You cant be that selfish. A good person always puts others first.
Then you slowly start realizing that by constantly putting yourself down, ignoring your needs, ignoring your wants and your desires and your dreams and completely just
passing on any semblance of the life that little 8 year old you thought she was going to grow up to have... you were crippling your ability to be of real value to the people you thought you were putting first.
Just because you put yourself last does not mean you are putting others' needs first. It just means you've grown so accustomed to being a doormat that you go lay down and take it automatically.
So you start realizing this, and as you start getting braver and more comfortable with the idea - you start testing the waters. You take your lunch break instead of covering for someone else and you sit down and eat a healthy lunch in peace. That person you usually cover for may or may not balk at first. Then you start doing little brave personal things like this more often.
So you start feeling a little bit of self-worth. At the very least, you deserve to have that happy little lunchtime. And you dont want to stop.
So you start getting braver. Bolder. Maybe you take an evening away from home and let everyone fend for themselves in the kitchen while you go take a long refreshing walk at twilight, just breathing in the fresh air and the colors in the sky and taking that time to reflect. Sure, your family will be all pissy. But they aren't thinking about you, are they? How often do they put your needs in the forefront of their minds? Surely not as often as you think of them. First always.
But because you took that time alone, your mood was so much better, and your body felt a little different and you were better able to be assertive at home the next day. Your kids or spouse are warily wondering about these changes - but youre being a great mom cause you feel confident in the decisions you make, cause you think about them during your evening walk and have time to weight the pros and cons instead of always having to make snap decisions.
And this give you more self-respect. And self-confidence that you are smart enough and experienced enough to know what is best. Which means your family and coworkers are less likely to talk you out of how you feel about something.
Time passes and you get bolder and braver steadily. Now its a gym visit in the morning as well as the walk or short jog on some evenings. Your family has had to adjust to eating healthy, and their btching and moaning wont make you change your mind on this because you are in charge of your family's nutritional health and youve done the research and you know what is best. People at work know better than to take advantage of you and expect you to turn over and break your back handling their workloads. If they need something from you, they know it needs to be a mutually beneficial exchange.
Because you have developed not only a stronger sense of self, but you have come to love it and want to defend it.
being told that you dont know what you are talking about, just doesnt fly. being told to put your needs last is ludicrous, because how can you care for all the other responsibilities in your life is you arent feeling healthy, have a meal in your belly, have your thoughts all gathered, time to make decisions, personal rest and time for your own hobbies and ambitions, a sense of what needs to be taken care of, well rested and energized? You would be completely unable to handle everthing. besides, you have learned how to prioritize your time so no one can accuse you of getting nothing done.
Youve become a better girlfriend, friend, mom, employee, dad, boss, brother....
And you wish you could go back in time and tell the former you - STOP! you must start living now! Its ok! you're gonna make it and its amazing on this side of the fence. come this way!!! its beautiful I promise, dont be scared, dont be lazy, dont put it off, come NOW!!!
But since you cant, you continue on being awesomer and awesomer and you start noticing that some of your friends and family have been picking up on your example, and against all odds, that fluffy little doormat has become a role model for fitness and determination. And just living a good life is helping other people you know and love!
And some things remind you of the dark unhappy past. And you get so protective of your new self love and happiness. Especially once you have learned that that a healthy sense of your value (not dumbed down or dimmed so as to not make others feel less than you) but youuuu in all of your shininess and beauty in the body more closely related to the one meant for you at birth as a healthy active human being.... is not a sign of vanity or negative egotism.... but a prerequisite for happiness.
because if you believe you have legitimate value, then you know you deserve the benefits you are reaping. and you will not apologize for not being the one that does all the hand holding because enabling others to continue on a path that leaves them under the thumb of everyone in their lives, weighed down with disappointment in themselves and their lives...... is something you refuse to endorse.
So when you see someone, about to have that moment when they wake up and want help making that first step - THEN you want to rush in and say- look! I know how! I can help! All you have to really do is want it enough to make these changes! I promise! Just dont do this! and start doing this! and read this! and omg im so happy to hear that you want to make these changes! Start by just taking a walk!!! its turned my life around! Im so happy! I finally udnerstand what it means to love my body! to know myself! to destroy obstacles and upgrade my life!! I knwo that i can accomplish anything!!
And that person looks at you, and they call you a skinny btch that forgot where she came from, chose to forget that she was ever fat, is completely vain and stuck on herself and is so pushy and such a knowitall and should be ashamed of how she is behaving. The nerve of that woman. Trying to get you to change your life. So impossibly rude and heartless. She has no idea where Im coming from. She acts like she knows me. Im so offended.
When people lose weight, they turn into such awful, stuck up sorry excuses for sympathetic humans.
...........and after getting this reaction over and over... sometimes that inspired person who lost all that weight... gives up on you. On all of the complainers, on all of the lazy ones who choose to keep their eyes closed and their judgments public.
At least they have learned that they can walk away from the negative influences creeping into their lives.
Like those that are just starting out and accusing us of being vain, rude, self absorbed skinny bitches when all we really did was finally comprehend what self-esteem and self-love really mean.
So good luck to you in your weightloss efforts and i hope one day you are one of us."
<3<3<3<3
