It's happening again

I am so aggravated with myself.  I am not doing anything.  I am not working out.  I am not really eating right anymore.  I am back to drinking Mt. Dew whenever I want.  I am not keeping my food diary.  I am not blogging on here.  I have lost all motivation.  I want to lose the weight, but I guess I want it to go away on it's own.  I have talked about working out again.  I have talked about eating all the right things.  I have talked about doing a second round of the fruit flush diet.  I have talked about starting Atkins.  I have talked about doing this, and that.  I do a LOT of TALKING.  But last night, after I ate a half a bag of chips (not really) and an oatmeal cream pie, Matt said to me "How's the diet going?" as he laughed.  I had nothing to say.  I was ashamed of myself.  And even as I type this, I am thinking - well this would be a stupid week to start, since it's Thanksgiving on Thursday.  LAZY.  LAZY.  LAZY. 

I feel like I am on my own.  Matt is not cutting down on anything.  I have no support system on here - which is one of the reasons I don't write here as often.  I am supposed to weigh in for November in just 10 days.  If I had stayed on track, I should weigh 190 pounds.  I can tell you right now, that the only way that is going to happen is if I am in a freak accident, and they have to amputate one of my arms or something.  And being that far behind does nothing for my motivation.  It's like, I can never catch up, so why not put it off until the weekend, until next Monday, until next month.

I have to face facts here.  I either change my ways, and DO instead of TALK, or admit that I will be the fat girl I have always been for the rest of my life. 

#Supersaddiscouragedfatface

Weekend Update

Wow!  What a weekend!  I was NON STOP from 5:30 am on Friday, until after 10:00 pm on Sunday... it was way too busy, but also so much fun, and way worth it.  :)

My waistline does not agree with what I just stated.  Between the wedding cake on Friday, and the not eating Saturday (I literally ate for the first time at 9:15 pm on Saturday), and then the snacks and the Thanksgiving dinner with Krista and Dana on Sunday, and then left overs on Monday with Matt's parents... My diet is 9 kinds of screwed up. 

So, I started the fruit flush this morning.  :)  I have actually had the vanilla protein for a few weeks now, but I have been using it for smoothies, not on it's own.  Today is protein shake day.  And the vanilla is YUMMY!  So, I am off the workouts for a few days, but by the weekend, I should be right back on track. 

#EYESONTHEPRIZE!!!

November Weigh in Day!

The results are in!!!

Age: 28 Years old
Height: 5'10

Weight: 209.4

Waist: 42

Hips: 45.5

Chest: 44.0

Right Arm: 13.0

Left Arm: 12.5

Right Thigh: 23.0

Left Thigh: 23.0

Neck:  14.0

Body Fat %: 40.5

Water %:  43.4

Muscle:  61.0

BMI:  29.7

Number of pounds lost: 0
Number of inches lost: 7.0
Percentage of Body Fat lost: Gained 1.40%
Goal: 170 pounds
Pounds left to Lose: 39.4

Okay - so there is good AND bad here.  I didn't lose any weight, but I did lose a total of 7 inches.  Now it's time to get back to business.  :)  ##FUCKINFOCUSED!!!

I got 99 problems...

Okay - So it is Day 99.  I still have not posted my November measurements/ weigh-in information.  This is not the only area I have been slacking off in.  I am severely disappointed in myself.  I promised myself that I would start to work out daily on the 1st.  It is the 7th, and I have done ONE workout.  I have been eating, and drinking, whatever in the hell I have wanted to.  I have not been keeping track of anything on MyFitnessPal.com.  I have not been drinking water.  And I have not been getting on the scale every day like I had been doing for the previous 99 days.  Maybe that is why when I got on the scale this morning, I realized I had put ON 4.5 pounds in just 7 days.

I am disgusted with myself.  This is something that I want SO bad.  But what?  I just want the weight to magically disappear?  Jillian Michaels yells at me during every workout (that I do) that this weight ain't gonna lose itself.  It takes work, and dedication.  What's worse is, I got so MANY compliments in the last week about how good I look.  SO DAMNNIT!!!  I am BACK ON THE WAGON.  

I literally got on the scale this morning, and that number I saw blinking back at me lit a fire under my ass.  Within 5 minutes, I had packed my lunch, and drank a 12 oz glass of water.  I did forget to grab my binder on the way out the door this morning, so the pictures and weigh in information will be posted on here TOMORROW.  I will be checking in daily.  I am over it, and I sure as hell am not putting ONE more pound back on.  I have 24 days to lose 14 pounds.  It's time to DO WORK.