Struggling

I am seriously struggling.  I had heard about plateus - but damn!  I am still sitting where I was at the weigh in at the beginning of the month.  I have not lost a pound.  I am not doing anything different.  I am still eating right.  I started Jillian again.  I have been using myfitnesspal.com for a while now.  I still track my food everyday - every snack - every meal.  I track my exercises.  When I hit my goal on my weigh in at the beginning of the month - the website prompted me to update my fitness goals.  My weight had changed so much, that if I kept eating the same amount of calories/fat/etc - I would not lose any weight.  So it recalculated.  I lost about 250 calories a day - the rest went down too, but I am not sure by how much.  I have stuck to the new calorie count.  And NOTHING.  I am so discouraged, I am ready to give up.  But that is the old me.  That is the Fat, Lazy Becky talking.  That is the Becky that would eat a whole bag of Doritos because she was sad, or stressed, or for god's sake, was just bored.  I got away from her.  I didn't like her then, and I am sure I would detest her even more now. 

So here is what I am going to do.  It's time for a change - well, a few changes.  First, I am going to do the Fruit flush again.  It helped to kickstart me the first round, why not give it a shot again?  Second, I am stepping up to the next level on my Jillian tapes.  Maybe some different exercises will help.  Third - I need to cut out the carbs.  I love carbs.  I could literally live on bread and pasta - but I am sure that is why I look and feel the way I do.  Gotta go.  Fourth - I need to start writing here again every day.  When I kept up with this, I was succeeding.  I was proud, and had something to write everyday.  I have noticed that my posts on here have REALLY fell off, especially since Oct 1st.

I am embarassed of my stalling out.  I can't explain it.  I really don't know why, and it's frustrating.  It's hard to get on here an say "Hey!  I ate everything I was supposed to, and drank all my water, and Jillian Kicked my ass - and guess what?!?!  I still weigh the same damn thing!!!"  I feel like a failure.  And I don't want to feel like that.  I want to prove to myself more than anyone else that I CAN do this.  I think about this stuff all the time.  I just don't write, because no one ever reads this but me.  And I know this, because I have a handy little tracker on my home page that tells me how many views I get each day, and where they come from.  No one has even looked at my weigh in from Oct.1st.  When I started this, I asked for support.  I asked for my girls to help keep me on track.  Krista is the only one that ever even asks me how it's going.  No calls, no posts, no texts - no support.  And before anyone reads this and gets offended - let me say this.  I understand everyone is busy.  I know everyone has lives, and families, and friends, and jobs, and cleaning and cooking, and showers to take and everything.  TRUST ME, I am aware.  I was just trying to explain why I don't post as much.  I just had the thought that, If I am the only one reading this - then what's the point.  I know what is in my head, what my thoughts and dreams are - without writing it down here.  So - Why write? 

The answer I came up with?  I didn't.  I don't know why I continue.  But I am. 

So - See ya tomorrow.