Mid- Week Progress update

This week has and hasn’t been difficult.  Some things were easy to drop, or pick up.  Others have been much more difficult.  I’ve been using protein shakes as a meal replacement for my breakfast and lunch.  It’s been easy to drink more water – it’s been harder to pass on the Pepsi.  This only seems to bother me a dinner time though.  It’s been hard to ignore the Easter Baskets filled with all the chocolatey goodness – but so far, I’ve been successful.  I haven’t eaten out – but it has only been two days.  The first night, I had leftovers – which wasn’t the greatest choice ever.  I ended up over my calorie goal by about 275 calories.  Yesterday I was under my calorie goal.  The days have to balance out, right?

I’ve been using 30 minutes of my lunch to walk each day – just to try to get some extra steps in.  I missed the squat/pushup challenge last night.  I can honestly say I thought about it multiple times, but never did it.  Now, the plan is to double up tonight.  I did get 72 minutes of walking in  - and got my husband and our dogs to go with me for our evening walk.  My Fitbit says I took 7,088 steps yesterday.  I am going to try to beat that number a little bit each day – with the eventual goal of hitting 10k steps daily.  Its supposed to be beautiful here today.  I am hoping to try to get a run in tonight, in addition to my double dose of squats and pushups. 

So far – my biggest issue has been saying NO to the mindless snacking at night when I’m bored or watching TV.  I don’t need it.  I’m not even hungry.  But I want it.  I crave it.  I get depressed and even irritable about it.  I keep telling myself that I’m detoxing or something.  Its craving sugars or carbs – or just having something to do with my hands.  I’ve been able to say no so far – but it’s something I really struggle with.  I am also assuming that this is something that will get easier with time. 

I want so very badly to get on the scale.  I want to be below 250.  I want to see that the changes I’ve been making are doing something.  But I don’t want to know.  I don’t want to weigh myself only to find that there is no change – or worse – an increase.  It’s a double edged sword.  Oh – and it’s only been two days.  But I’m impatient – and I want results yesterday.  But this is real life, and not a reality TV show.  I don’t have a personal chef cooking for me, or 8-10 hours a day to spend at the gym, or a personal trainer  in my face keeping me focused.  I only have me and my reflection, and I’ve already said I don’t get along with the reflection in the mirror.  So it’s just me.  And I’m human.  And I keep putting off taking a “Before” picture.  That’s one reality I just don’t want to face.  And one more that I just need to. 

I’m a work in progress. 

The April Challenge

Here we are again – how many years later?  And I’m still fighting the same fight.  The Battle of the Bulge (at my waistline).  I’ve never been very successful at this – but I think It’s just because I’m happy.  Sounds weird, right?  Let me explain.  I am NOT happy with my body, or my weight.  I hate my reflection in the mirror.  When I weighed in this morning, the number is the highest it’s been in almost 9 years.  I knew it was getting up there.  I quit smoking at the end of September - and I'm sure I put on a few pounds there - but I refused to weigh in.  My doctors changed my birth control and my seizure/migraine medication at the end of last year.  My weight began to climb.  I put on 15 pounds in a month.  That was in late November.  I swore I wouldn't start 2016 over 240 pounds... but It happened.  I’ve put on another 5 pounds since then.  But when you complain about feeling/looking fat, and your husband and kids tell you you’re beautiful, and perfect just the way you are… it makes it easy to justify just one more cookie.  Or a second or third soft drink.  Or eating out because it's too late to cook.  Or last night when I knew I was starting my diet today – and I binged on Reese’s Eggs and M&Ms. 

It’s easy to make excuses.  It’s easy to find a reason why you can cheat.  It’s a birthday.  It’s a Friday.  It’s Easter.  And I have found it’s much easier to avoid mirrors/reflections than I had originally thought. 

Its old. 

I am recommitting myself today, and the first step is admitting you have a problem, right?  Well… here it goes.  My name is Rebecca.  I am 33 years old, I weigh 251.2 pounds, and I am obese.  I have an unhealthy relationship with food.  And it’s time to make a change.

I think one of my issues has always been that I have set goals that are TOO high – TOO much.  I need to set smaller, more attainable goals, and go from there.  So that’s the way I am approaching it this time.  I am focusing on April – and nothing further than that.  I have certain goals, or changes that I want to make.  I want to commit fully to that for the entire month of April – and then see how I feel.  I will make changes after that – as I know all of these cannot/won’t be possible to hold to for the rest of my life. 

So here they are:  My April Goals

• Complete the 30 day Water Challenge – which is to drink half my weight in ounces of water each day.  That’s 126 ounces of water every day for the next 34 days. 

• Coffee and Water only for the month – No soft drinks, beer, wine etc.  A Gatorade is acceptable IF I have a migraine. 

• Complete the squat/push-up challenge (follow calendar)

• Exercise 3 days a week – either run or do a video (30 day shred, Zumba, Yoga, etc.)

• NO fast food.  Period. 

• Take before/after pics

• Lose 10 pounds

• Try to eat at 1600 calories (plus exercise cals) each day

There is ONE exception to this plan.  And THAT would be April 4^th.  April 4^th is opening day – and I’m allowing myself to have a few beers that day.  But that is IT.  One exception to the rule. 

I bought a food journal that I am going to use each day (page example below).  I am hoping that it will help me realize some things about my relationship with food – as well as help me keep track of my water and calories.  Other than that, I want to weigh in each Monday, and I will only take measurements on the first Monday of each month.  I don’t want to get too obsessive about the scale or the measuring tape like I have in the past. 

So here goes... well... everything.  Wish me luck!  I'm going to need it.